Hi guys

Bh bh bh I'm over 70 days clean. I've had some ups and downs but mostly going very well! Couple of things I'd like to throw out there though...

Nights...? Why if I am guarding my eyes during the day am i still having occasional nighttime emissions? Any advice on stopping this?

Also the age old panic of not being able to unsee the terrible stuff I've watched. And it comes into my head at the hardest times when the YH is trying to bring me down. Any tips?

Finally (for now) I'm a little nervous about the fact that there are people who fall after hundreds of days... is it gonna be harder as time goes on? What happened to 90 days breaking a habit? Are there happy stories out there???

Thanks guys

Hey bro, great going and keep it up, first of all,

I relate to most of the stuff, ill throw in my 2 cents.

Regarding the popup thoughts. It's captured well in the story of the chossid who commanded to his rebbe that even though he did a sincere tshuva he still has flashbacks and it drags him down and distracts him.

He told him to go visit another senior chosid for an answer.

He goes to this other fellows house, it's late and cold outside, but lo and behold he isnt let in, he knocks and knocks to no avail and yet he can see the guy sitting at his table learning and wide awake.

After a loooong time and alot more knocking and calling out, the door is opened. He immediately asks the guy for an explanation, the older chossid says to him slowly with emphasis. "Just because you came knocking doesn't mean i have to let you in".
Needless to say, the younger fellow got the message. The older fellow than added, "let me tell you the tale of moishe the innkeeper, he used to sell booze and he had a steady flow of gentiles costumers coming day and night. One day be decides he's retiring, but people still keep coming, and it's annoying, he has to tell them in the middle of the night while he's trying to sleep that he's closed and no more drinks. It takes a while but slowly all the customers get the msg. Still every now and then a infrequent customer comes knocking even weeks or months later, but even then, added the chossid, after a bit longer everybody knew and the customers no longer came a knocking. You too" added the older chosid "you were open for business for a long time and your foreign thoughts were welcome visitors, well, it can take a while before they all realize that they have nothing to do here"


So banish those thoughts quickly, and each time you do, it's a small tikun and a realignment of your healthy thought processes.


You can't do anything about the dreams, don't let it get you down, the gemara is replete with mentions of talmjdei chachamim and their accidental emissions, that's life.
though i remember in my better days when i was behaving and davening like half a jew, that i would wake up as soon as something was about to happen, i became more sensitive because i truly despised it.
(We don't pee in our beds do we? )


The 90 days is a double edge, im nervous too, because i had falls even after a year, the downside is that you don't have to entirely let go in order to do the chart, it's a pause button.

I am thinking about it more as well, what is the mindset to have, well when i quit smoking i didn't count because i was absolutely quitting, it was irrelevant to me how many days because o knew it was for life.

I need to think that way now as well, even though junk can happen, i need to maintain the mindset of goodbye and good riddance, though i have alot of self programming to do.

Maybe a 90000 day chart would've been better, that way by the time you pass the grade , its a bit late


As for breaking a habit yes, but i still crave (on rare occasions) a smoke, and it's been 14 years.

So i guess habits die but a temptation doesn't.


So to recap.
1. Guard your thoughts and immediately banish those that need banishing, the knocking will diminish.

2. Try to think alot before going to bed how a nighttime emission is something you really really really don't want, and you might find yourself subconsciously protecting yourself by waking up in time.

3. Keep trucking, and hopefully we'll all really let go, and like the mishna says "al taamin beatzmach ad yom mosach" and "lepesach chatas roveitz" the satan isn't retiring when we (hopefully) hit 90 (or 9000).

Great work, gut voch chaver.

I am struggling with the same issues as you. At the advice of the great people on GYE learned a few things.

Let the dreams go. After 107 days I'm still getting them. It's your body trying to revert back to it's old self. It's a last ditch attempt at making you fall. Give it up. Don't think about it at all. It may feel that they set you back but that's not true. You didn't fall.

I still struggle with strong and vivid memories that pop into my head on a daily basis. You need to push them away ASAP. After you get used to this they say it slows down. Keep busy as much as you can and do whatever it takes to keep your mind off of them.

At 107 I have a long way to go. I still have strong fantasies and memories. I have trouble watching my eyes. I have strong urges. I had a few near falls recently. It taught me that you can't trust yourself. I had this feeling that I would never fall again. That lasted until I came home for Yom Tov and faced many real tests. I came out on top but it was brutal. If the chart keeps you motivated and truthful, great. It does that for me. I have told that it's only a chart and shouldn't be IT. Do what works for you.

Hatzlacha and keep us posted.

There are many happy stories about people who achieve long term sobriety. Habit is one part of the problem that needs to be addressed and that includes creating positive new habits.

Wow. Thank you for your replies, they are literally amazing.

Yesod, Everything you said really helped and i will keep all those things in mind.
Abd297, same for you - thank you!
Cordnoy, i guess i just needed to hear that. I just get worried there's no hope sometimes.

BH BH BH BH I'm doing well! Thank you guys!

Hi Fighting,
I fell after more than 100 days and it was painful, but not as much as before because I now know that there is a way out of this addiction. It takes alot of hard work and commitment to never become complacent but there are also resources available here to help us stay strong and focused.
The exhilaration from my added productivity I gained while I was sober was an extra bonus that at least gave me some instant gratification to replace that of lust.
The Y"H is so effective because he pays CASH. The Yetzer Tov pays after 120.

Wow so many great stuff here.

Relapses happen all the time and to everyone, the difference is who gets back up and continues.

There are definitely people with long-term sobriety, but even they need to remember not to get overconfident and to take things one day at a time. That said, things do tend to get easier over time.