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Praying for people we lust after
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TOPIC: Praying for people we lust after 939 Views

Praying for people we lust after 25 Aug 2015 13:16 #262701

  • rav etzlo
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[quote="Dov" post=256655]Are you davening for the good of the pretty, young, Dov wrote:
Are you davening for the good of the pretty, (frum) women you worship and lust after or aren't you?

If you are, then great. It will work, if you really want to surrender your fantasy with them.

But if you have not been praying for the objects of your lust, then might that mean that you prefer to struggle with them and not just give them up? It is more fun to struggle with them, as the Kotzker used to say, even if you win the wrestling match with a muddy man, you still get covered with mud. Nu. If it's assur and you know you can't go all the way with her, at least it preserves some sexual erotic pleasure to 'struggle' with the 'yetzer hora'. Get my drift?

This is what the SA guys mean when they talk of 'surrender', and of 'living in the solution instead of in the problem'. Things many of us just can't seem to 'understand' - not because of lack of intelligence, but because we are terrified of the prospects of really giving it up.


So I'm working on this concept now of praying for the women I see and feel lust towards so that they become less of a sex object and more of a person in my eyes and thoughts. But I'm not getting how this connects with surrendering. Isn't that something else? Where I give up the right or desire to run after my lust urges, whether the particular lady I feel lust towards is a person or an object. Can anyone clarify our comment?
Thanks so much guys, I appreciate the safe and open environment here which you all create and contribute to!

Re: Praying for people we lust after 26 Aug 2015 02:43 #262748

  • serenity
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Is it saying that once I surrender my right or desire to lust, then I can start to pray for the people I used to use as an object of my lust?
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Praying for people we lust after 26 Aug 2015 10:54 #262755

  • rav etzlo
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That sounds like the correct order, but I want to know why. Happens to be, I tried exactly what you said yesterday, I was imagining a scene I read about a while ago and I was physically affected so I said im giving up on these feelings, I don't need them or want them and I started praying, out loud!- I was driving- for the fake woman in my fantasy. And guess what, I couldn't believe it, but the feelings started fading away!! To be continued....

Re: Praying for people we lust after 06 Sep 2015 05:58 #263330

  • rav etzlo
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So I realized that praying for the object of my lust turned her into a regular person, because I had to think of things to pray for her, like she should be healthy, have a clean home etc so suddenly in my mind she was wearing clothing and sweeping the floor! So I am grateful for everyone here and especially Dov for encouraging this strategy! I think posting and reading the forums is really working for me as well... One day at a time!
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