Hey what's up everybody? Hope everyone is doing well. Just wondering what the "boys" think about this issue. Most of us here r somewhat addicted to schmutz in one way or another. Now as breaking free from any addiction (alcohol drugs) causes withdrawal symptoms, So too in regards to lust addiction. I was thinking that if we can post some of the expected symptoms and of course the unexpected, it can be a tremendous inspiration to others.

One of the things I have experienced is a sentimental loss. As if my old friend has left me so I must reconnect. weird no?
For me I worked on making it quite clear in my mind - that acting out is my biggest enemy and I should make peace with the idea that to never revisit that part of my life - would be simply an awesome Bracha - a dream come true.

Did you suffer any anxiety or depression or anything for that matter? Sometimes it takes time for the brain to rebalance itself.

Well one is:
I can't concentrate on anything. I lose my attention really quickly and when I do, these images suddenly pop in your mind, beckoning me to turn on the phone. And then I want to beat myself up, because when I come to think of the situation, all I have to do is say no and do nothing!
Now, after three weeks everything is better but still have frustrating moments.

shalomyid- depression sure - frustration and the beginning of hopelessness can do that to ya. But it was not so deep that needed any medication or therapist.
Once you start seeing 1 day, then 2 days then 3 days, you know this can be done.
Yearn for it, believe that Hashem will help you, and realize that the old routine just can't continue.

Failure is not an option. The taste of sobriety is just too sweet. You must attain it. Nothing , no frustration will stop you from eventual success.

ashbalt - take a few slow deep breathes. Did I not understand you? It appears you have a phone with easy shmutz access. Is that so? I remember a couple of years ago when I went to get a new phone and the saleslady was trying to sell me the latest model with of course full internet access. So I told her(she was Jewish but not frum) that I wanted to follow the leading rabbis who advise against it. She looked at me as if I was an immature little boy and said "C'mon, aren't we all adults"
Then again we can't expect the average woman to get it, can we?
as for the images that are tugging at you - you know from the forum what to do- try tefilah to Hashem and give yourself over to him. Then with self-confidence that you have earned from your sincere request/total subservious to the one who she'amar v'haya haolam, push away the thoughts - firmly and deliberately but not too hard and without drama. Sort of a self-assured push that comes when G-d's got your back.

9494- after being clean for week - you know what should hit you square between the eyes. The fact you been clean for a week! Just meditate on that for a while, then try for another day, then another ....
Count your blessings for they are many

Not that I'm at that stage yet, but mourning the loss of something so sweet and kind and good to you.
And also the desire to rebalance things by acting out (I don't know if that makes any sense; I can't explain it any better).
But it's much better place where I am now. I feel like a mentch, I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm confident, I can look others in the eye, and I've got emotional space for my family.
The yetzer hara offers us a bad deal; it's just that he comes with such bold bright lights and loud noises we just find it difficult to ignore him - but that's one of his major tactics with me. He's one of these in your face guys.
That's why tehillim refers to him as someone who cheats people (pdaini mai'oshek Adam).
Let me be clear: tomorrow I may have slipped and fall from my very tenuous position. I don't have much sanity, i haven't worked the steps enough or gone I enough groups, and o don't know what Hashem intends for me - so I can't talk as if I am on some perch.

What do you mean by giving yourself over to him? Wouldn't anyone love that here? Easier said than done, you know.

I hear you.

Daven- say the words out of your mouth " I know that you Hashem can help me. Everything is from you - as it says Baruch ato Hashem - you are the mekor Habreacha" - meditate on it - believe it! Hashem loves me - and wants me clean of this affliction, so he must help me! "Please Hashem - I know full well I don't deserve your help - plesee help me anyway - I am a ben Avraham ,Yitchok V'yaakov"
In time it will make a difference.
Reb Yisroel Salanter in the mussar movement said davening and repeating ideas of closeness to Hashem or words of mussar with regard to any midah will eventually lead a person to internalizing it.
Here we are also requesting Divine personal Intervention - hashgachah pratis - for the sake of improving ourselves - It will come to us.
For some sooner than later but it will surely arrive.

B'Derech She'Adam Rotzeh Laylach ...

I do that. I do that for learning torah too. But what I'm saying is that you have take advantage of the help that Hashem sends. If you don't, it'll be gone and you'll be stuck again at day 1. That's because it didn't seep into you. On the other hand, if you do it, then your entire body is working on it and you don't want to lose it.
A person would rather work by himself for one bundle of wheat rather than get 12 from his friend. It means more to him.

I'm not sure I've fully followed this thread or your reasoning Ashbalt, but if I do understand you correctly may I quote an idea trumpeted by Dov or the big book: so much of the cause of our disease and what prevents progress is that we get in the way of Gd. I think Reb noach Weinberg said something similar too. It thus pays to look out for how you might be getting in Gd's way of helping you. I don't know if I understand it correctly but a big part of the 12 steps might be about this too.
So when you say that you want to do this and that and the other (whatever your reasons were), think if instead of you, you could step back and let Gd. This is something I'm only beginning to get the glimmer of a musag of.
Remember the famous (or it should be) vort: "onoichi oined beineichem uvein Hashem" - It is the I that interrupts between us and Hashem.
Hatzlacha

Maybe I didn't explain myself

Wow its about time someone else on this site has withdrawal symptoms welcome aboard!
I get them terribly, depression, anger, mood swings, headaches, tons of anxiousness can't concentrate or focus on anything at all. And a bunch more things. If you wanna know more and know more details lemme know ill explain how the process usually goes for me and what to expect. BUT you gotta tighten your fists and get through it and then in a little bit you'll feel great.

Perhaps I didn't explain myself well enough.
Davening is drawing down light from Hashem, correct? In order to hold that light, the person needs to make a vessel. Otherwise, the light will be kept in the spiritual worlds until he can make a vessel.
A person can daven for money as long as he wants, but unless he doesn't work, how can Hashem send him that bracha? That's exceptions eg righteous etc. So what vessel are we talking about? You.
If a person davens real hard and then decides to stay clean for one week, he gave an opening for the light that he drew down. Now, a person can use that extra strength to keep counting and counting. It depends on him now. He had to make the best use from Hashem's blessing. Hashem loves to see you win and it hurts him to see you reset to day 1. Otherwise, he wouldn't have given you this test.
You would have to elaborate more on how we get in Hashem's way. Of course, if someone went and sinned on purpose, even though he had the possibility of not doing it, fine. But by winning over your Yetzer Hara you're doing Hashem's mission.
Besides, how can stepping back and keeping Hashem

Perhaps I didn't explain myself well enough.
Davening is drawing down light from Hashem, correct? In order to hold that light, the person needs to make a vessel. Otherwise, the light will be kept in the spiritual worlds until he can make a vessel.
A person can daven for money as long as he wants, but unless he doesn't work, how can Hashem send him that bracha? That's exceptions eg righteous etc. So what vessel are we talking about? You.
If a person davens real hard and then decides to stay clean for one week, he gave an opening for the light that he drew down. Now, a person can use that extra strength to keep counting and counting. It depends on him now. He had to make the best use from Hashem's blessing. Hashem loves to see you win and it hurts him to see you reset to day 1. Otherwise, he wouldn't have given you this test.
Hashem would not give a person a test that's not according to his strength.
You would have to elaborate more on how we get in Hashem's way. Of course, if someone went and sinned on purpose (which I'm sure no one does that on purpose here), even though he had the possibility of not doing it, fine. But by winning over your Yetzer Hara, you're doing Hashem's mission.
Besides, how can stepping back and letting Hashem do his thing stop you? He's the one who put you in that situation! He wants you to succeed all by yourself!
I wish I can say it's my idea but it actually chassidus that's doing the talking.
And by making a vessel of yourself, you're letting good "seep" through you. And that desire that came right after being clean a week comes from Hashem. The Yezter Hara is doing Hashem's work. And after overcoming that desire, you opened yourself up even more, gave more space for the Yetzer Tov.
Any questions?

Ashbalt,
I'm not a philosopher or a master in this 12-step process or anything else. I'm just a yid full of nega'im who has had many falls and the opportunity to learn a little from this experience. So what I'm saying is my little daas and experience and nothing else. So here goes:
We say "karov Hashem lechol kor'av lechol Asher yikra'uhu be'emes". Which is true: is he close to all calls or only those b'emes?
For so long I put so much effort into my davening, but instead of me developing the awareness that everything is Hashem, I started thinking me me me: I'm opening myself up, I'm developing awareness, I'm making a proper request in a good way.
What I realised (actually what Hashem put into me) is that my perspective needs to be "karov Hashem lechol kor'av" - that the only reason I'm listened and responded to is because of Hashem's munificence.
For me to put effort in the "hole in one" of "lechol Asher yikra'uhu be'emes" was actually distancing me from Hashem.
Thus, both statements of that passuk are true - but which you are to focus on depends on where you're currently standing. So many of us addicts have found that we're unaware of Hashem's munificence; we're trying so hard because we're so in the dark of His vast kindness - and in ways I can't explain but I believe others have said: this feeds our addiction (please chime in Chevra if I'm wrong or you can support this point).
Once again, what makes me say all this is the fact that you've got this elaborate philosophy that seems so much about you. And it's reminding me of how I approached things - and it didn't work. As someone here said: don't say my problems are so big; say Hashem is so big.
Finally, you said the following:
"Hashem loves to see you win and it hurts him to see you reset to day 1. Otherwise, he wouldn't have given you this test."
I've had some completely unnecessary falls that I believe Hashem orchestrated because there was an important lesson I had to learn. And it was worth it to Hashem all the tuma so that I should develop this awareness. So to say that Hashem's one goal is us not falling seems wrong to me.