Hey thats exactly what happened to Yosef Hatzaddik. Evert time he had a strong urge the picture of his father would come to his mind. And for that he was called Hatzaddik. So here goes your new name is....JOESHMO HATZADDIK!!!

That sounds like a victory to me... Kind of like a big fall onto a trampoline - sending you shooting up higher than BEFORE!

Victory it was!

Joe, you sound so sad.
dont give up on yourself.
A beautiful tomorrow awaits
for those who are patient enough
to wait for dawn.

Bacause a broken heart
is the first step
towards a
fixed soul

Hang in there
with us

JOE HATZADDIK!!!

YOU SHOULD BE BESIMCHA!!

YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU WERE

YES YOU WERE AT THE EDGE

KEEP AWAY FROM THE EDGE!!!
b

I thank you all for them kind and up lifting words..I never thought of it like you guys spelled it out...Nothing happened..I set up another email address and was on the forums chatting and planning..I've never gone this far before, actually going to meet someone at a specific place..I went there and the person wasn't there..I was so happy..I kept seeing my wifes face..so I peeled out and came home..I have to ask HaShem to please help me because Im out of control..why are some days so easy and others are not?? One thing I did learn is when I have a couple glasses of wine I get the urge to "chat"..so i need to drink less, maybe one glass instead of two..Im trying to learn and put up fences..looking at porn doesn't interest me in the least..its the talking nd planning that is like a "Hi" kind of...Thank you all for the kind words once again...But I didn't do anything so I am victorious Baruch HaShem!!

one glass a day keeps the Y"H away. Keep up the great work. Try and build of this expeirence. hatzlazcha. And always remember youve got a loving family here. Tonz of sisters and brothers. Tatty R Guard and dont forget Mom 7 :Dup.

Fell again...and the Sabbath is almost here   Please I want to quit the chatting...it seems so silly that it is becoming a real issue..I send emails and set up times to get together but I don't show up or whatever..it s like Im fishing and then I get scared when someone bites..I just can't go thru with it...and im glad..its a sin and I don't want to do it..I actually want to be a Tzadik...I got to ahold of this..Thanks for your guidence and kind words.

My Dear Yid, Chat rooms are like playing with FIRE. As we quoted from “Me3” on Friday:

The Yetzer Hara is a very smart guy.
First he tells you, "it's nothing, just curiosity. I'm just looking. I have no interest in this stuff."
Then he says, "it's harmless chatting. No big deal!"
And before you know it, he has you falling so far and so fast that you don't even know what hit you!
He's an old pro.. been in the business for thousands of years!
Baruch Hashem, you've come here before you've fallen too far.
But it's imperative for you to realize that you are at the brink. And it's a long nasty way down from here.
So grab on to the lifeline GYE is throwing you and don't look back!

See also the horrible Story called “Where it all Leads” in Chizuk e-mail #530 on this page (scroll down)... That story shows what can happen through “innocent chatting”...

See also "question 2" in Chizuk e-mail #249 on this page.

Join Duvid Chaim's phone calls to learn the secret of the 12-Steps... See the "12-Step Tip of the Day" in Chizuk e-mail #522 on this page where Duvid Chaim discusses WHY we look for things like "Chat rooms", and how the 12-Steps can help.

I also suggest you install a strong filter that blocks chat rooms, and you might also try vows to avoid chat rooms. See this page for tips on making safe vows.

May Hashem be with you in your quest for purity... and please stop playing with FIRE, you are scaring us all!  :-[  

joeshmo wrote on 13 Nov 2009 19:57:


You are a tzaddik.
Hashem desires the heart,my friend,and it is clear how badly you want to be good.
Unfortunately,we are addicted to lusts and this is not something we can change without a serious change in us.
A red line would be useful though.
A few months ago,I decided that my red line would be no sex with girls.
Masturbation was it's own story,but live relationships a no go.
And you know what,joe?
It wasn't such a hard decision to make.
Why?
I've been in several relationships in my young life and they have all caused me serious pain.
There's always an intense amount of insecurity on both sides(no matter how hidden),and the emotional damage these relationships do is more than the trouble's worth.
So i beg of you.
Stop playing with fire.
Especially when you won't even enjoy the fire.

Uri wrote on 14 Nov 2009 18:30:


You should know Uri, though I wish you never had any pain  - it has meaning. Every time I read it, I get chizuk, and find new strength against the yetzer hara of "if only I could get that girl" - when I hear, loud and clear "I did and it wasn't worth it."

Thank you

Facing YOURSELF in the mirror the next day is 100 000 times harder than facing your wife, your kids, your boss, or even your G-d...

Joeshmo,

Welcome to the forum.  You're really working hard to pull yourself out of the muck.

Have you installed a filter?  (For example k9.  You can set it to block chatting.  See the instructions about it on this forum, if you haven't already.  Just read the added comments before you start.)  This is just the first step, but it's a step in the right direction.

I really don't go into chat rooms either, its somewhere else..where you talk on the email or chat on yahoo...Im sick at the sight of myself already so yea when I look in the mirror I hate what I see...But Im not going to give up..I ordered some books from the Na Nachs and hopefully with that and what is on this site(which is Great!) and with HaShems help I'll beat this horse I love my wife, I love HaShem..I really do..please believe me..Thanks for all your advice and help.

joeshmo wrote on 15 Nov 2009 19:54:


We have absolutely no trouble believing you Joe - because we all know it first hand.
NO ONE here is judging you in any way, although we are all feeling your pain so strongly.

Instead of Na Nach books, why not try the Big Book instead? Proven results and definitely real hishtadlus.

We are not giving up on you. Dont give up on yourself either.
Hashem loves you so much, regardless of how covered in dirt you may be. He sees the spotless neshama shining brightly under it all. And if anyone knows how much you want to heal, it's Him.

7 up..I agree..I must study more Torah..I pray for HaShem to send me a buddy to study with..why doesn't he do that?? My Shul has no Rabbi..I don't ask for much...Noone in my shul cares about studying so much..I love Torah and Talmud...I do read daily and I still do what I do..I put Tefillin on and Daven daily..why do I still fall?