I'm glad to hear you're doing well - hope the rest of your life is going smoothly, too!

Enjoy being clean - it's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?

In this vein, Chassidic thought describes sin as, “an awesome intrigue devised against man.” Jews by nature are above any connection with sin. If a person’s yetzer hora overcomes him and makes him sin, this is because the yetzer hora was prompted from Above to bring him to this act. This is purposeful, “an awesome intrigue” devised by G-d to bring about a higher and more complete unity between G-d, that individual, and the world at large.

In his explanation of our Sages’ statement that “In the place of baalei teshuvah, even the completely righteous cannot stand,” the Rambam states that baalei teshuvah are on a higher level because “they conquer their [evil] inclination more.” The righteous do not have to struggle so hard against their evil inclination; to the extent that they are righteous, their evil inclination is nullified. A baal teshuvah, by contrast, possesses a powerful evil inclination — as evidenced by his sin — and yet still desires to cling to G-d.

Moreover, our Sages teach that teshuvah transforms even sins which a person commits intentionally into merits. This elevates the lowest aspects of existence — which derive sustenance from the realm of kelipah — and brings them into a bond with G-d.

Why does a baal teshuvah have the potential to elevate aspects of existence which are by nature distant from G-dliness? Because in order to strive for teshuvah, a person must tap his deepest spiritual resources, that soul which is “an actual part of G-d.” When he reaches this point, he is able to appreciate that nothing is apart from Him. And in his life, he is able to show how every element of existence expresses His Truth.

This process is an example of the pattern, “a descent for the purpose of an ascent.” Our climb to those peaks which our intellect cannot reach on its own involves a descent to levels which our intellect would normally reject.

That article was from Chabad....It brought tears to my eyes and has givin to me strength to get thru today..Baruch HaShem!!! Also me and my wife are going to start practicing "Taharat HaMishpachah"..HaShem is opening my eyes to alot of good things.they were there the whole time I just never paid them no mind....Have a blessed day..stay strong..and look around for them Miracles...they are everywere

Joe

Wow, what a holy Jew. Congrats on taking the big and important step of keeping Taharas Hamishpacha. I guarantee that your relationship with your wife will only grow through it, not the other way around (as some might assume). Keep up the good work!

Wow! That is truly fantastic, and something to be proud of!

That Chabad article is pretty amazing.

What you and your wife are starting is also something incredibly amazing and holy, especially in a world like the one we find ourselves in. Making your home an island of tahara in a sea of tuma is pretty precious, hatzlacha rabba

sR

Ya know, Im just so sick  returning to my "vomit" so to speak, I am praying harder, studying harder,and believing in HaShem harder, that he will hear my cries and send Help to me...He has..I've been clean for 17 days today...Now Im praying for a Job...I have been getting interviews but nothing yet...at least the phone is ringing Baruch HaShem!! Thanks for all your wonderful words of strength..If it wasn't for this site I really don't know how far I would of truly went..Thanks for a second chance

Joe

I'm glad to hear that everything in your life is starting to look up - I hope that you get a fantastic job really soon!

it sounds like things are picking up in every area of your life. good luck with the job search. i'm sure Hashem will provide. and btw, thanks for the excerpt from the article. beautiful.

Taharas hamishpocha has been, per my wife, the single most important thing that kept our relationship going during the worst times of trouble and pain sue to my addiction. It enabled a safe boundary for her and it made it a bit more clear to me that I really do not own her, in any way - especially sexually. It helps refresh our relationship during good times, and sends a message to both of us that we answer to a higher authority than ourselves.
Youch! It's precious!
Almost as precious as my sobriety.

You are a very fortunate person to have such a G-d, to have such a wife, and to have such a chevra. Please take it easy and consider trusting harder than you are trying. May Hashem help you and your wife endure these hard times and may you quickly find a nice job and succeed in it!

Dov....Im sitting here a little depressed and sad...your post really picked me up..Toda Rabba Its been like 21 days for me so far , Baruch HaShem on that!! Now I just need a job...Thanks

21 days! I hope you realize how proud hashem is of you! That's fantastic!

I wish you success in every area of life, quickly!

Dov..Please explain what you mean by "Trusting Harder" ?  Just curious..ok? Nothing is going right for me financially...Im at my witts end...I have been davening for my addiction..and now my life..maybe Im being punished for what I have done and looked at??

Joe

joeshmo wrote on 08 Mar 2010 21:03:

Punished? Why would He need to "punish" his kid? Being fixed up from all the damage you caused yourself - maybe - but even these cheshboinos are silly for me to get involved in, so I try not to.

As far as "trusting harder" rather than "trying harder"/"davening harder", all I can say is that going through what you are experiencing is so hard, and it's equally difficult for anyone in relative comfort to really relate to it. I can't give you real advice, as I feel no pain of worry like yours right now.
But as a person who has had some tough times and sufferred a bit, I can share with you that there are times when our "trying" is just not enough, no matter how you slice it. Perhaps we inherently just cannot really deserve to get what we want. It's gotta boil down to His Chessed. Matnas chinom.

Better ask Him for matnas chinom rather than try to deserve anything. And consider letting your ma'asim flow from ahavah: a child to his father the benevolent King. Let go and do whatever you believe is your best, just to make the King proud - because He's the Greatest. Keeping the basic mitzvos and perhaps even being machmir at times  - all out of appreciation and love. After all, He does for you out of love 99.9% of the time anyway, no matter how hard we try or fail, right? 
Going this way blows away all the silly taynos of those who say that it'll bring you to stop keeping the mitzvos if you serve Hashem with a volunteer mentality. Pah-leaze. The entire sefer Chovos Halevavos is just about this point. Nedivus out of hakaras hatov. His point isn't the hakaras hatov at all: it's the nedivus - the relationship created by the hakaras hatov (he writes this somewhere in Sha'ar Avodas hoElokim). We are commanded to do it so that we know He wants us to do it, and we do it out of love for the King. Cuz we know a secret others don't know...the King's our Tatty!! Shhh!!

Try this on like a shirt for a while and see what you come out with and let me know. Thanks.

PS. Times like these may be a good time to take stock of what you do have. Relationships, stuff, health, whatever, and looking at how you can appreciate it more and strengthen it because of your hard times. Sufferring together is better than sufferring alone - but only if we are really together. It's hard. But we need help to do right by ourselves under all circumstances.
PPS. I sincerely hope nothing I posted you was hurtful in any way. If it was please let me know.
8) :-* 8)

I'll be living under a bridge soon...but I'll be with my wife so I guess we'll pick a pretty bridge and no...nothing you said offended me...thanks.

Joe