am i supposed to tell myself that maybe we will get back together? what about the fact that i am so disgusted with the way she acted towards me in the last 2 weeks? many times i tel myself shes not for me just con console myself. is this a wrong approach? deep down i feel there is a very little chance i would one day want to marry her.

thanks again

strivingfortruth wrote on 04 Nov 2009 00:33:


If at this point you already realizee that this is not a long term relationship, then NO, do not 'comfort' yourself with fake thoughts of a future together.

Give yourself a specific time limit to allow grieving, and then move on.
Its already 2 weeks? So erev Shabbos, put it behind you forever.

here is the sad update

she texted me. i responded but seemed disinterested. the convo lasted about 4 texts. i feel some after affects, but nothing major. so the good news is that im getting over her. i am going to ignore her next time only because i dont want to have any of these feelings, even if they are very little

now for the sad news. i had a fall. i dont know what else to say. i feel terrible. i had a fall because i felt like a faluire in school and i didnt feel like being a good jew made any diffrence. thats about it.

We feel your pain. This is a most difficult period for you...




If recovery is all about being a "good Jew", then you may not have the strength to ever break this addiction. It's not just about that. It's about getting out of the prison of the "self". If we let the addiction control us, it will ultimately destroy our lives and those of our future families.

May Hashem give you strength to get over her, and to start to LIVE with Hashem.

Guard said it best

But wanted you to know that we all care.

Good luck and be patient with yourself.
Keep reading those handbooks!

hey guys-

its been a few weeks now. not much has changed. i still think about her a lot. we have not had any contact.

i need chizuk again.

please help

Hey SFT. I dont really know what to say to you. All i can say is that my heart goes out for you. Your bringing karbonos every day. G-D definitly sees what your going through and its bringing him such nachas ruach, something we cant even imagine.
As an eitzah. I think maybe try not to think about the past. Try to keep your mind focused on the present and/or the future. How time heals all wounds. And so give it some time and things will get better. In the meantime keep posting here and we all are gonna be here for you. Think of it as an investment. Although we cant see it or even fathom it now , but everything we give up now will bring us so much more in the future. Hazorim b'dimah b'rinah yiktzoru. We feel the tears. give it some time and the rinah will come. And thats gonna feel like nothing else in the world. Hatzlocha and we are davening for you.

thanks for the kind words, i really appreciate it.

i know what you mean, i just wish there was a way not to keep thinking about how i miss her in my life. prooving to myself she wasnt the one does not help all that much.

heres a great quote:

"Romantic Love is a huge fraud foisted on the western world by poets and novelists, but it has no place in reality, and it always ends in frustration. It is only when marriages are made with rational considerations, that the participants thereby are satisfied. Art 'for itself' is an empty affectation, and Literature is the great chorus of falsehood which continues to persuade men that all these empty values are important."

i fully belive in this. i just want to live it

Just skimmed over this thread - sorry if someone basically said this already:

no one can make you feel anything - angry, depressed, worried, whatever.

Other people can only act.  You choose how you react.

This girl doesn't make you depressed.  You choose.

You should not need a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled - certainly not a forbidden relationship.

I wouldn't have the guts to cut off commmunication completely - but maybe you do.  As an anonymous outsider, that seems to be the best course of action.

i know i dont need it to make me feel fulfilled.

i want to live it. knowing it does not help.

thanks for the support

STF. I saw that quote adn i saw that it was from R avigdor Miller. So why not try one of his famous tactics. He would tell people the way to work on loving Hashem is by repeating i love Hashem at least ten times a day. So why not do the same with this quote. Hey you never know.
I recently was speaking to a friend of mine who had gotten divorced some time before that. I was telling him that the expression "Love at first sight" is in essence an oxymoron. Love is something that comes with time with sweat blood and tears. It comes when two people are an unselfish as possible. The love the 95 year old couple has for eachother is unthinkable. it comes with giving, giving and some more giving. And maybe even more giving. Anyways we love you man and we hope and pray that evrything should work out the best for you.

That's why we said "naaseh" before we said "nishma" when we got the Torah.

The inner faith and commitment comes from the doing it.

You WILL "live it".  Everyday that passes of doing the right thing will bring you to a deep understanding of how this perfects your soul.

you guys are really amazing. thanks so much.

im gonna keep going. i will keep everyone posted.

The advice and support from your peers and friends here is worth far more than anything I could add.

REAL love is out there for you; waiting until you are ready for a long lasting commitment and  lifetime of love as Hashem meant it to be shared.

just found out i did poorly on another test. this one was super easy. somehow i found a way to mess up again.
i feel stupid again. back to where i started. i feel like nothing i do ever works. i want to slip up very badly. i think i might slip soon. i cant take this anymore. my life looks like a total faluire

i fought my yetzer hara and i told him i wouldnt sin til i posted on here. i hope this helps.