Just wanted to welcome you (and Bahava who snuck in so quietly...!)

Habib's advice is right on the mark, as usual (thats my girl!)

Remember, start living the solution, not the problem. Is your gf the problem or solution? You know the answer yourself.

Dear striving,

I am the admin of this site. I wish I had more time to post, but I am super busy with everything... I want to share with you something that I wrote to someone else recently. He is also in your situation... In college, frustrated, disillusioned, and unsure if it was worth keeping to a path of teshuvah... I hope it helps a little...

I understand your bitterness and desires. Sexual desire is not fake, but it is fake in relation to the spiritual pleasure that we will have one day for giving up our desires to G-d. It's like comparing the pleasure of a sucking candy to the pleasure of becoming President of the U.S.A. - and even more than that.

The beauty of Judaism, that we take every little mundane aspect of life - and we elevate it to G-dliness by being concerned with Halacha (read: "the will of G-d") in every aspect of our lives. The Halacha tells us how to get up in the morning, which shoe to tie first, how to take a shower, how to eat, etc... There isn't one aspect of a Jew's life that doesn't have myriads of Halachos associated with it. And that is how Hashem wanted it. He put us into lowly bodies on a lowly world where he is so well hidden, but when we concern ourselves with His will in everything we do, we uplift the world and make it a G-dly place.

There's a story of an Israeli non-religious soldier who once took a hitch with a religious person and was invited for Shabbos. After a nice Shabbos, the religious guy asked the soldier to accept upon himself one small Halacha to remember that there was a G-d of Israel. The soldier agreed and they opened up the Shulchan Aruch and found one of the first Halachos, that a person should put on his right shoe first, but he should tie his left shoe before tying the right. The soldier agreed to accept that upon himself, even though it sounded completely silly. Why should G-d care which shoe we tie first?? Anyway, each day he would put on his army boots that way. One day, a big general was coming to inspect them, and they all hurriedly got dressed and stood at attention outside waiting... Suddenly the soldier remembered that he had put on his boots wrong that morning. He had forgotten to put the right one on first. He asked his commander for permission to quickly go back for something important. The commander thought there was still some time until the general was due to arrive, so he gave him permission. The soldier went back, took off and re-did his boots (army boots take a few moments to tie), and came running back outside only to see the general had arrived already. The general was angry and asked the soldier where he had been and why he was late. The soldier tried to explain and mumbled something about Halacha and tying shoes... The General blew up in a rage and ordered the soldier put into the army prison for a week. Meanwhile, his division was scheduled for a very important helicopter exercise in the coming days. This soldier was in prison and was unable to join the exercise. Unfortunately, there was a terrible accident. See here for details. Two of the helicopters collided in mid-air killing 73 Israeli soldiers. This soldier's entire division was killed.

Needless to say, this soldier became a complete Bal Teshuvah.

This story shows the power of keeping even the most simple and seemingly insignificant halacha!

Chassidic literature often emphasizes how important it is for a Jew to value each and every deed that he does for Hashem, no matter how small. It is brought down from Tzaddikim that more a person values every little thing he does for Hashem - the more precious it is in the eyes of Hashem as well. One great Chassidic Master went as far to say that a Jew should feel that he wouldn't sell the smallest thing that he did for Hashem for all the riches in the world! If we would only be successful to internalize this, we would be the richest people on earth! Think about it. You said "no" to the Yetzer Hara today, or you put on Teffilin. Even though we are not on the spiritual level to feel the "divine light" of the Mitzvah that we did, still, if someone would come and offer us a million dollars to sell him that Mitzva, would we sell it? No! So in a very real sense, every Mitzva is (or should be) more precious to us than winning the lottery. So I ask, how can we not rejoice when we are winning the lottery every day?!

Please read the daily chizuk e-mails for new chizuk and lots of inspiration every day!

Rejoice that G-d is part of your life, unlike 95% of the world. Rejoice that you can do something for Him.
You will be at the front lines to greet Moshiach when he comes!

thanks so much again for everyones support. it is a major chizuk to know there are people out there who actually care about your growth, even though they dont know who you as well most other people wo care about you do.

today is day one of this journey. i am 6 days clean, but today is the first day im moving on without this girl in my life (for the most part) im excited to iy"h complete this journey.

i find it har to go more than 5 minutes without thinking about what happened, about how far i fell. yes, i understand that teshuva and time will heal these symptoms, but i wanted to let everyone know non the less.

my goal for today is ignore any text or call from her for about a half hour, then reply and say that i am busy. she does not think i am cutting her out of life, so i dont want to just ignore her. this is my plan for today. im hoping as the days go by, we will talk less and less, and i will grow moe and more, while i move on.

thanks guys! i really hope today is a succses for all of you!
-striving

Keep Going! We're all routing for you!
And WELCOME TO THE GUE FAMILY!
Gut Chodesh

Go to this page www.guardureyes.com/GUE/GUEList/GUEList12.asp and scroll down to Chizuk e-mail #596... Read the story of "X-Addict"... This boy started his journey after his girl friend dumped him and he thought his life was coming crashing down on him!

Often, difficult situations are turning points in our lives. We can either "self-destruct" or use it as a spring-board for growth. And we can all see what YOU have chosen!  

R' Guard is always right.
you'll learn that soon enough.
Great idea with the texting

reb guard-
thanks for the link. inspiring as usual.
thing is, this guy did not want to break up with his girlfriend.
the weird thing with me is that for many point in our relationship, i knew this wasnt me. i even broke it off myself! but now that this sityuation came up where she is out of life and in another position, for some reason its eating me up alive!
obviously, everyone has their own unique matzuv. but this is mine. i want to know how to overcome this feeling. i want this feeling! and now that i have it, i cant stand it!

by the way, im loving the music you have posted. very moving.

day one is so far so good, bli ain hara!

thanks a million,
-striving

dear striving

just came on to see your arrival here

welcome

as you see this is a very pleasant safe place to be.

you can do it

we are all rooting and cheering for you

hatzlacha and beracha

yechida

its around 2PM and baruch hashem i have not been tested to reach my goal for the day..yet. i guess hashem wanted the first day to be easy.

i just wanted to share with you guys a self-generated quote that i made for myself, both as a reminder and as some sort of inspiration.

please tell me what you guys think..is it a little too intense? im really not trying to go overboard here.

here it is:

SORRY I CANT TALK NOW: I HAVE A G-D TO SERVE, PEOPLE TO IMPRESS, EXPECTATIONS TO MEET, AND OTHERS  WAITING TO  BE PROOVEN WRONG.

thanks
-striving

Hey strivingfortruth,

I hope this day is a the first day in your new life of being lust free. Your quote sounds beautifull, but theres no need to impress other people. You are an Eved Hashem and nothing else. The first step in our process is to realize we are powerless and everyhting is in the hands of the Ribono Shel Olam. I do love your attitude, its the samething ive been doing and has worked for me. I say to the Yetzer Hara: "Um, I'm not ready today how about you come back tomorrow and we'll talk then".

I think the Yetzer Hara is a very reasonable force so just talk to it.

-INH

wow that sounds like a great attitide to have. i understand what you mean about the quote, it was more of a spur of the moment type thing when i wrote it down.
but thanks for for your help.

ill let u know how the day progresses.
-striving

its 5:00 PM and i now have my first test. i will wait until 5:30 and declare myself victorious.
heres to day one
-striving

i have learned from people on this site that talking to the YH is very very dangerous.
i still do it sometimes, but i try to make sure that after i yell at him i slam the door in his face.

and good job on a successful day ;D

one full day has gone by. i passed the goal i set for myself today.

my thoughts are still hard to bear. im still having trouble not thinking about everything that happened.
how much longer is this going to bug me? its just too much. i wanna forget and just move on. bottom line. does this mean i should cut her off completely? or do i just limit the talking?
please help, im not sure what my next move here is.
thanks guys,
-striving

Dear Striving,

I strongly suggest that you only begin dating when you are ready for marriage.  You'll save yourself from a roller coaster of emotional swings that will serve no purpose in the long run, if at all.