Ineedhelp!! wrote on 15 Nov 2009 15:53:


ditto!
So glad for you Striving.
Keep striving!

thanks guys. thats the plan! the lessons have been learned, now its time to live them

And we are all happy to hear things worked out the way they did. Good for you. Sounds like your more relaxed now which can only be a good thing. So hatzlacha on your "strive"!!

hey guys-

here is the CRAZY update. i really hope everyone is out and there and can read this very soon.

so like i said, we made up. she was around school yesterday so i went to say hello. long story short, after talking about my issues, i relaized hers. she pretty much admitted that she is still dealing witht he issues we were dealing with (shomer nigiyah) and that she has lost emunah completely. she does not have any desire to be frum in the slightest. she has completely given up hope. she thinks frumkite will not get her anywhere, so why not just do whatever she wants. thats her attitude. she just does not care.

after 2 hours, i got her to admit her life is fake. she is not really happy. she relaizes that there is almost no way she wil end up happy the way she is going. im not sure if she decided to take my advice. i know she heard it. she said she would think about it. i made some impact.

so we had that discussion. he boyfriend found out we talked, and he flipped. an hour later she called me to tell me we cant talk anymore. we need to be "distant" fine, that hurt. but whatever. i just dont care anymore. she has not done anything positive for me. i dont care if i dont have her anymore.

so first the good news. the good news is i now have close to no feelings for her. she is REALLY not for me. i dont want someone with these issues. so BH i dont have her. yea it hurts now, but so what. im better off without her in my life. i cant possibly live a happy life with someone like this. maybe she will change. but for now, there is now way i can think about anything happeining

the bad news is i feel sort of guilty. i feel guilty fo rnot being able to help her, and bc this may have sort of been partially my fault. just a little bit. maybe i can help her. i know she is wasting her life. i know her well. i know she is going to wake up one day and realize a year later she has nothing. this guy clearly only wants her bc she is offering him physical pleasure. she knows this is a bad move. she knows she is wasting herself. but maybe i can help her. but i cant anymore. or can i?

i really hope to hear from you guys soon

guys?

i wanted to reply, but i couldn't arrange my thoughts properly.
and then rage came along.
i have nothing to add!

thanks a lot.

im going to step aside. i guess she needs to relaize it on her own. deep down she knows she on the wrong path.

the being lonely issues are back again. i have to start from scratch

i hear you on that. she was my addiction. and know shes gone, causing some other guy to be addicted to the same exact same thing i was. but thats besides the point

so i have no challenge! hashem just took it from me like candy from a baby, baruch hashem. yet, i still have these feelings. maybe theres more?

i acted out on my addiction once in 35 days. i dont have pron issues. im too busy for that stuff. when i hadher it was easy to get what i wanted. now i cant get it, so im left feeling alone.

yea lust is my issue....but it turns into being lonly

i guess im feeding it by feeling lonely

Rages replies are so on the ball that I have nothing of value to add.
Listen to that man; he knows his issues when he sees 'em.

I honestly relate to your feelings Striving; as Ive said before, Ive been there too.
Time to feel good about the correct decision youve made,
fill that hole by giving to someone else in need
and return to living.

im giving to the elder community today. im really excited. i started doing this once a week, and i think its a great idea, thanks to you guys. today is my first real day at the home. ill keep u guys updated on that.

as for moving on, its hard starting all over. thats really about it. its so clear shes not the one. i have to find more emunah, something she is severely missing, and has given up on. what a crazy world.

thats the plan. this time, i gotta work harder on minimizing the bumps on the road

strivingfortruth wrote on 17 Nov 2009 16:26:


Oh oh, you said the wrong thing here. :o
R' Dov and Uri are going to be here really soon telling you that control is not the way to go!
I hear R' Dov pedaling over on his tricycle ...
and Uri panting  behind as he flips thru pages from Rav Shlachters book...

Forget minimizing the bumps.
Hashem places the bumps in strategic spots, davka.
Learn to enjoy the ride (come on; dont you like roller coasters? So whats a bump or two)?
Sit comfy in the passanger seat, fold your arms and relax.
Hashem is the in the drivers seat.
And He'll never get you lost!

i do really beleive that to be true. its just lately every time i fall,a nd i want to keep going something always pulls me back. here i am again. i moved for 3 weeks, sh shows up, then leaves again. its like roller coaster that just does not want to end.

thanks for the input though..hope to hear from everyone else soon