Hi,

I haven't posted here in a while and want to "check-in". I went down this whole path of trying to stop this addiction and found that the #1 thing that helped the most was installing filters on my computer. No longer could I easily look stuff up, and this helped me lose my reliance on it and wean my brain off it. The break from it has been so valuable and the flow-on changes in my life have been immense.

BUT, unfortunately I had to leave where I was living and am now living with my parents for a period of time. They have unfiltered internet and I am falling back into my old ways. Thank G-d I am not back at the low level I was when I started this program, but I am definitely seriously "at-risk" right now.

I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't think I can just go installing software on their computers, and I will be here at least for the next month. I really really really don't want to lose this struggle and go back to my old ways. I can't. That is just not an option.

I'm weaning myself off this stuff but right now I just don't think I'm strong enough to have unfiltered internet within easy reach. I'm not sure what to do.

Welcome back!!! You may think your not sure what to do, but coming back here was definitely a good idea.

Filters were very important for me but if I really do want to lust, I will find a way. The best thing that has worked for me is stuck around here, talk to people and try to find some mentors that would help you. Reaching out is key. Dov always says that our problem is that we are in our heads (did i get that quote right Dov? hehe) So stick around and great to have you hear!!

Hey there bearman!!

It's great that you didn't jsut give up, "I tried, did what I needed to do, this isn't my fault..."!!!

This situation calls for a nice big dose of "ONE DAY AT A TIME", making the right decision one foot after the other. The key is staying in real life, making decisions of staying real.

Have you opened up to anyone? Do you have a friend that you can call when you feel wishy washy? Are you in contact with anyone from here?

KOP, that can be a big help as well!!

KOT bro KOMT!!!

Thanks for the replies. It bothers me because filtering the internet was such a good and productive step for me. And I wonder if I will every be strong enough to stay clean when I'm near unfiltered internet. I don't think I was long enough without unfiltered internet to really truly break the hard-wired habits in my brain. I think I need at least 3 months (90 days) without unfiltered internet. Like the 90 day challenge on this site. But probably would need much longer.

Maybe the habit never really disappears - like alcoholism. Anyway, I'm still trying to work out a solution. I have to change something. I'll let you guys know what I figure out.

For me, unfiltered Internet is a very bad idea. Of course i can always find something to lust about and try to look around the filter but even psychologically it helps so much. But i am pretty sure that even if i would go 90 days with unfiltered internet, on the 91st day it still is a problem. My brain just can be unwired like that.

And yes it is like alcoholism. We have certain tendencies and we will always have these tendencies towards lust

Good job, Keep on going!!!

Have you opened up to anyone? If you do, you'd be able to call him in the morning, and tell him if you're having a bad day and going into a danger zone, you'd be able to call him after work to tell him that you made it through the day....

Do you find yourself lusting anywhere else besides for jsut on the computer? On the streets? at home?

You're worth it brother, you can do it!!

KOT!!!