Interestingly, I signed up for the emails yesterday and I still haven't received any. I also tried to sign up for the chart, but I haven't received a confirmation yet. I wonder if I put in my address right....

"What's wrong with what you're doing? You're not married, you're not wasting anything."

"Because our Rabbis have Divine Guidance."
"Do they? Who told you that? More Rabbis? What do you expect them to say?"

"Well then, it obviously is written to be explained: shchita is not described, the laws of Sabbath are not described. The oral tradition is obviously valid because the Torah is nothing without it."

That's why half of my heart (you know which one) has answers, not questions.

You probably didn't put in the address right, because I just tried signing you up and you weren't signed up. You should start getting the e-mails tomorrow, if the address in your profile is correct  




Chazal (Niddah 13a) write that HZ?L is as if one has spilled blood or worshiped Avodah Zorah, and that those who do it are chayev misah biday shamayim. The Zohar even goes as far to say that it is the worst sin in the Torah. Another terrible result of these sins brought down in the holy books, is that they desensitize our souls to spiritual connection. The more we sin in these areas, the more desensitized we become. This is a commonly experienced phenomenon, where people slowly lose their yearning for spirituality, and they start to feel ever more disconnected from Torah, Shabbos and Mitzvos. Unfortunately, this also makes Teshuvah all the more unlikely, as one becomes more and more disconnected.

Also, maintaining our addiction requires constant hiding, lies, and living a double life. This cuts us off from the world around us and doesn?t let us feel the tremendous kindness of Hashem that fills our lives. It blinds us to the goodness in the world around us, to our souls, and to Hashem. We begin to lose appreciation for the good we have in our life. We are unable to find inner peace, we can?t stop lusting everywhere we go, and we remain closed up within a shell that no one can penetrate.

It is also brought down in Kabalistic texts that every drop emitted in vain causes souls to be created, and these souls are snatched up by the forces of evil and become demonic forces that cause much suffering in a person?s life. The souls themselves also suffer in misery with no hope (unless we fix ourselves), and after we die they stand as terrible accusers against us. See this page and video clip for a dramatic first-hand testimony of someone who claims he had died and experienced the judgment of the world to come. This story and video, especially where he weeps as he recalls the myriads of accusing souls that stood before him, can help inspire our Fear of Heaven and ensure that we do everything in our power to heal from this disease.

And if you'll say that you'll be careful not to let out zera livatala, but what is so bad about porn?

As far as the prohibitions are concerned, anyone who is frum and has learned any Torah, should be aware of the severity of these sins. The Torah says "Thou shall not go astray after your hearts and after your eyes which lead you astray,". This applies to any image that arouses one's sexual inclination, and erotic images of any type are definitely forbidden. The Rabbis state that anyone who purposefully arouses his sexual organ is to be banished (Niddah 13A). The Gemara there even goes as far to say "Better one's stomach should burst than he should touch the area of his bris (and possibly bring himself to an erection)". And another Gemara says "better to walk behind a lion than to walk behind a woman". And another Gemara: "whoever brings himself to an erection is destroying the world". This is not Mussar or Chassidus, this is regular Gemara. Chaza"l were fire about this! The Medrash says that anyone who is not careful with gazing at women will come to sin with them in the end. Viewing porn is also included in the prohibition of "Lo Sikrevu Legalos Erva, Ani Hashem Elokeichem" - "Do not come close to revealing nakedness, for I am Hashem your G-d". There is no other Mitzva in the Torah where such terminology is used. Even with idol worship, the Torah doesn't say not to come close! Only with sexual matters, the Torah exhorts us to stay far away from it.  It is also interesting to note that the Torah uses the words "do not come close to reveal nakedness" and not "to sexual relations". This implies that "revealing nakedness" (i.e. even looking) is, on some level, as if one had already done the act.

This little test can be your meter - if an image triggers a sexual twitch, a stronger heartbeat, sweaty palms, or even a silent, "Wow!" then you are polluting your soul, damaging your "Da'at," the ability to know G-d, and cutting yourself off from the Divine Presence, the Shechinah. The eyes are the windows to the soul and they are the vessels to receive the light of the Shechina. One who has damaged these vessels will not be able to bask in the glory of the Shechinah in this world, nor in the next.

So with all these sources, how can a frum person even ask such a question? The answer is in Parshas Shoftim. "Ki Hashochad... etc..." .. "For bribes make wise men blind, and twist the words of Tzadikim". The Yetzer Hara, who offers us bribes of false and fleeting pleasures, blinds us to the obvious truths and makes us think we have real "questions". But he is just disguising them as questions. Don't be fooled, and realize that these are not questions but really his "answers"! (R' Elchanan Wasserman used this very Pasuk in an essay he wrote, to explain how the multitudes of non-Jewish wise men and scientists from around the world, fail to see the obvious and glaring hand of Hashem in all of creation).

May Hashem be with you.

P.S. This is all without even getting into how addictive these behaviors are, and how dangerous an addiction is. Addictions don't get better, only worse, and they lead us on a horrible path of self-destruction, and sometimes even death! Is drinking alcohol assur? No, but what happens when a person becomes an alcoholic? He can't function! Well, being a lustaholic is no different.

I'm getting my retribution, middah kneged middah (tit for tat? Kind of hard to translate.)

Before, when I was down, I would use the internet for evil. Now I use it for good.
Before, when I felt lust, I forgot about G-d. Now when I feel lust, I remember him.
Before, when I fought my lust, I felt alone. Now, when I fight my lust, I feel people supporting me.
Before, when I fell, I felt dirty. Now, when I don't, I feel clean.

What a horrible punishment.  

Recovery highs are nice. Recovery lows are terrible.

I slipped a couple of times today. I haven't fallen, and I don't even feel like falling, but the fact that accidents happened is a reminder that there is quite the ways to go, and that the danger remains. I guess there is a subtle line between forgetting lust and forgetting you HAD lust, where the first is essential and the second dangerous.

Perhaps I'm trying too hard to regain the innocence of youth. Maybe I should aim more for the wisdom of experience.