Hey, I used to go by the name 5shekvow, but since that has been anulled i decided to change it. Its been a while since ive posted, ive been trying to learn about the addiction more. It used to be that i got wrapped up in my streaks and everyone would ask me if i was paying alot of attention to the streak and i felt like i was doing something wrong and then i would fall. I didnt (and still dont) understand the addiction and how it works.
As of late, i have been making some strides. I have consistently been getting clean periods of 2 weeks at a time. Obviously, the reason im here is because i just fell, and i dont know how to get passed this next level of the addiction. Ive tried davening everytime but it almost seems like i cant do anything about it except daven. If someone can explain to me what im doing wrong would be so helpful. Thanks alot!

Let It Begin wrote:


Do you know why you want to stop yet? I know that Hashem wants you to stop, but do you agree with Him in your heart of hearts yet? It might give you a big push if you can figure out that you are getting harmed by this behavior in some tangible way.

The way it works is like this:

I, the brainiac lust addict, after trying unsuccessfully for years to get clean, decide that the reason I am not clean is because I don't understand the nature of lust addiction. So I decide to do research and write my doctoral thesis on the nature of lust addiction. Then, just when I think I got it all figured out, I run into a kashya that I cannot figure out a valid terutz for. So I get upset and act out.

Later, I figure the solution to my problem and am able to successfully publish my thesis, for which I receice fame and fortune. I bask in the glory of my accomplishment, and let my guard down, and one day, I see something triggering on the street, and poof, I act out, exactly according to my recently published work.

Then I get so depressed that even after I have it all figured out, I still acted out. So to make myself feel better, I go to the computer and look act my shmutz-website of choice (there's no copay for this drug, and its over-the-counter too!).

So then one day I wake up and say, "G-d Almighty, you know how long this stuff has been going on. I have trying figuring it out, but it has not helped. I have trying to defeat the yetzer without understanding it, but I have been unsuccessful. I lose battle after battle, whether my weapon is my brain, my will power, or anything else. So I am left with on conclusion. I AM NOT STRONGER THAN MY LUST. Rather, MY LUST IS STRONGER THAN ME. Please G-d, keep that monster far away from me. And if for some reason it starts to sneak up on me again today, help me remember to RUN LIKE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS! And then go on the forum and tell everyone about your near-miss, and hopefully get nice big KOT in return.

Oh, I understand how it works, but understanding doesn't keep you clean. However if you don't understand then you also don't know what actions to take that do work (like the action you described.)

A few points,
1)paying too much attention to the streak is bad because it can cause falls, or at least unhealthy attitudes.I do keep count because I get chizzuk from it,but I try not to focus on it too much.
2)Try not to think about the past or the future.What happens right now is what counts and also the only thing you can control.Don't get depressed about the past and nervous about the future.
3)You wrote about getting passed this level of addiction.The experience of the people here was that there isn't a getting passed levels.There will probably be an urge for the rest of our lives, which is ok. As long as we're clean it's ok if the urges come.It gets easier after a while (a month or two) but we never actually fix it, just learn to deal with it as it comes.

Hatzlacha!

And of course don't forget take it one day at a time.
Also clean means Shmiras Enayim too, don't even take little sips of lust.
A Guten Kvittel to everyone.
Israel

inastruggle wrote:


I know that we never actually fix it, but after a certain time I reach this level of serious withdrawl. Almost feel like a stomach ache without the pain. When this happens, i daven to Hashem but when i do it i lack emunah and kinda think in thr back of my mind that im just davening to say "atleast i tried!". I guess thats where i should work more on.

tryingtoshteig wrote:


This realization actually took me 6 years. During those years i actually believed i could do it through strenght of mind, and i actually held up pretty well, but of course im no match for the Y"H. I hope Hashem notices the effort :/

Let It Begin wrote:


I know that "at least I tried" feeling.It's really just not being ready to give up the lust.I put a filter on and I knew the password, I would fall just as often but at least I tried...

The first thing is to decide to stop.Without that then when the going gets tough, which it almost for sure will, then we'll just make excuses and fall.Hey, at least we tried, right?

After we decide to stop, then we have a chance to actually do it.It's still possible to fall but without it it's almost a sure thing.The good news is,that as I said earlier, after the first while it gets easier.

Hatzlacha!

inastruggle wrote:


Yup, I can tell myself im gonna stop and i do, but im not always convinced that deep down im gonna work hard. Do i need to learn something? or is it something that comes with time?

For me really thinking I was going to stop came with time.I think that the more you do and succeed the more you're inspired to do.

Maybe you can reward yourself for succeeding (after x amount of days clean buy a present for yourself).

Something that helped me a lot when I first came here was just seeing people working on this problem and succeeding.Until then I wasn't even sure if it was possible.

But of course it is or Hashem would not of put us in this situation.We know that other people are being successful in this area and there's no reason to think we can't.Just put one foot in front of the other and let's get moving.

First, a late welcome back, great to be here with you!!

The thoughts that come to me are on the "one day at a time" track. a firm decision, "I will not act out today, this morning/afternoon, this hour etc" Is all that we can look at. No worrying about "will I work hard when the going gets rough?". Right now I'm committed to being clean. I'll worry about the rough when it comes (and when it does, same thing-just worry about the now!!)

You're on the right track, just by virtue of the fact that you're reaching out looking for guidance, so KOT!!! KOMT!!!

A git kvittel

Thanks so much for the positive support! I will keep trying posting on the forums, it help clear things up when i write them out to yo guys. Helps me understand how to approach this. B"H last night i did not fall, i wasnt even sure if was going to be able to make it and then i realized that these people that i want to use for my self gratification are people just like me and have a personality too. Immediately i decided it was time to go to sleep for the night.

Hi and welcome,

Just to echo some of the things that have already been said, and to add my own two cents, for me the very first step was willingness.

That meant really being willing to live without lust. Before I found GYE and subsequently SA to me it was totally unimaginable. But slowly I came to believe that it IS possible. In the White Book it says: Instead of, "I've got to have it or I'll die!" our attitude becomes, "I give up; I'm willing not to have it, even if I do die."

Of course it seems impossible. how can we possibly deal with a body which is screaming for its fix, drug or whatever you want to call it? and it is true. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. We are truly powerless over lust.............. ON OUR OWN!

But HaShem our Abba who loves us unconditionally can preserve or restore our sanity, without us having to turn to lust, and in Him we can can find whatever it is we are searching for in lust. We just have to believe that He can (Step two) and be willing to turn or life and will over to His care (Step three).

But before anything I had to really be willing to be prepared to give up lusting as impossible and ridiculous it seems.

May HaShem be with you and all of us and grant us a sober and sane day.

I guess i thought i had the first step down. Or, if i had that step down i was missing the fact that we also need Hashems help to remain clean.