Lots goin' on (includin' lustin'), but will try for the call today at 1:00 EST.

Email me please if you don't have the number.

thank you

So here goes - I think i made one mistake that slowly/quickly snowballed into some big bad falls. In Tel Aviv (there for 5 days), i was shocked to see that there were business cards for prostitutes literally strewn all over the sidewalks. I was with my 10 yr old son who picked one up and showed it to my wife and I! i couldn't believe it! I was outraged that such a thing should be literally on eretz kedusha, and yes I've heard about Tel Aviv, but even NYC and Las Vegas don't have such shmutz so out in the open. Here was my mistake - I thought i could do a tikun and a secret Kiddush Hashem - so I went for two nights for about an hour, maybe 2 hours and picked up literally hundreds and hundreds - probably over a 1000 - of these cards each night and cleaned up maybe 20, 30 or more blocks. I felt like it was some big special thing that i was doing for Hashem and Klal Yisrael. I would almost always not look at the cards, but invariably i saw these womens' images, and i think it certainly had an effect on me. After the second night up to 3am picking them up, I made two moves the next day that showed me i was negatively affected - I called one number on a card "just to see if it was in Hebrew or English" definitely would not go. And then the next night, - "out of nowhere" I called a zonah from the US whose number i remember. Of course i couldn't go to her since she was in US, so it was different then calling when she is 15 minute drive away - but still - some very important line was crossed, I now believe. Then the next day I noticed a massage parlor, and passed it a few times, and it got 'stuck' in my mind. So i went in once and asked how much - and immediately left. Again - not close to acting out - but still crossed a line that wasn't good. Prior to this i was SUPER CLEAN for approx 3 months

I mentioned the biz card clean up act to Dov, who basically said - "really bad move - you need to protect your fragile self, and we addicts are way more sensitive to that stuff anyway" - and I totally agree. I see this now really as a classic case of: the YH making me think i was doing something good, when he was subtly pulling me into a big trap. And that's for a regular guy - al achas chama v'chama for a sick and weak sexaholic such as little old me . .

Then four days in Jerusalem, and everything was fine/great (enjoyed some great learning and davening - kudos to Tehillim Zugger for some of that) , but the seed was planted. So back in the USA - the disease progressed quickly - - i posted about that a bit. Basically I would take a drop in a flash, doing fine for 3 or 4 days, and then boom - looked at porn, but no masturbating (which is surprising and made me think i had changed a bit), but then a few days later masturbating, and then walking by a massage parlor for a few days, but not going in, but boom - then going in, and as I've mentioned if the lady will go way above and beyond the call of duty - I have been apt at finding that out .

Well - not to leave out any details - things got even worse - I have gone to 3 massage parlors and 6 zonahs (BOO!) in about 2 weeks.

like the alcoholic that pours some whiskey in his all natural organic full of calcium non steroid no antibiotics nutritious glass of milk.

serenity wrote:


There are calls for dogs?