keeping strong in such circumstances is a real hero
hashem is with you all the way

ineedchizuk wrote:


Oh, and once you're remindin' me of this post, you never proved it anyway.

Oh yes I did

Hence 'eat your own words'

whatever....I'm not in a feisty mood....at least to take it out on you...there are too many women vyin' for that dubious distinction.

Read further down that thread, my friend

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin?limit=15&start=195#238690

Were not fighting; I'm on your side :-)

aka: a moment of truth

ineedchizuk wrote:


Thanks en See

ElOhEl

Found an old post by a fellow called neveragain:

This morning I was sitting at my desk checking my e-mail and stuff, and I decided I'd sign into GYE and see what's going on. I typed the forum's address into my browser and hit "enter". My face quickly dropped as I watched a virus download to my computer. Within just a few short seconds my browser was hijacked and my computer was under control of this virus. I tried to quickly close the browser, but it was too late! The virus was opening dozens and dozens of pop-ups and web pages - outright nudity! I covered the screen with my hand to try to close the browser windows without seeing any of their content, but they were popping up everywhere. My mind was going crazy and out of control! I even tried looking away and at the corner of the screen only at the "x" so I could just close the browser's windows, but by then it was too late. My eyes lingered on some of the images and I knew that in being fair to my count, I'd already have to consider this a slip (and maybe even a fall). I'd already begun searching through some of the contents that were downloaded to my computer and not only had the "hunt" begun, but I've already stumbled upon some porn videos. "Oh, no!" - it was game over for me! I was terribly devastated, already heated up at that point, and there was nothing holding me back from falling further. I was about to act out, and then; "Oh, my gosh! I'm using my computer! It's Shabbos!!!"

Abruptly, I woke up and realized that it was all just a dream (and thankfully, my body didn't even lose control)...

With very vivid pornographic scenes still lingering in my mind from my dream, the day was a day filled with many surprise lust attacks, some even considered out of the usual nature. Very tough day in the extreme! For a moment I even thought to act out. Fortunately though, I'm still with it. I'm holding at the completion of 19 days so far, with no slips or falls.

I remind myself that the last time that I acted out, I didn't even find it that enjoyable. The actresses, I've seen them all, and they're all just as pathetic as the next. The hunt can go for hours just looking for something "worthwhile" (so to speak), but all throughout, you know that fake is fake and that nothing you'll ever find will be enough to satisfy your pleasures. I actually felt kinda stupid the last time I acted out, dumping my sobriety for just another peek at something so plastic, so unreal, so staged and (terribly) acted, and above that; something I'll never have. Real life is never like that! Looking at another barbie girl, no matter how good she looks, certainly wasn't a worthy tradeoff for my sobriety. Remembering this helps.

As far as computer use in general, I'm not exactly sticking to my terms 100% (I think I may have been too hard on myself when I set the terms), but the progress I'm making in this area is still much more than I ever imagined.

The march continues. Taking this one moment at a time.

Thank you for that post. There really was so much to it. I related to the searching for

something worthwhile idea. It doesn't take long as a porn seeker to really have seen it

all. But how many times did I run after another site or theme fooling myself(as if

I didn't realize when I was doing it)that it will be some kind of a new experience or

thrill.

same body parts/ same set of movements/ same filth/ same depression.

Oh how I am thankful for every moment of sobriety!

For the v'ahavta chevra:

as today was meetin' day, I will share the followin':
although I have been sober for some time now, I know that I am an addict thru and thru.
this is not just in speech - this is practical.
I found myself in an old house today, where there was a stack of magazines.
As I picked up the first us news, I prayed a special tefillah that the next one can please be penthouse. God did not acquiesce. After espn and family journal, I prayed again, but to no avail. After latina, time and good housekeeping, I threw them to the floor in frustration and gave up prayin'.
Oh well.
so much for "let be, let God"; He was of no use today.

G-d loves you so - and he shows it by listening and by not listening.

Heard on Dov's call today:

The only thing separating me and God is "me."

Kotzker: Where is God found? Wherever you let him in.

Faith and trust in Hashem! If you need to contemplate this and worry about it in every occurrence, that means you are not there yet; it is not part of you.

Teshuvah does not help an addict. We have cycles. We go from the geshmak of actin' out to the geshmak of teshuvah to the geshmak of an orgasm again.

People are free to do as they will (Ramba"m) - even sins. Torah tells us that it's not good for us and damagin', and as the Baal haTanya says: assur means we are tied to something; but addicts are not free to choose.

Addicts are sick in da head; we have an allergy. We can live normally, but not thru normal means. Chizuk will not make you/I change, for we are fish on a line.

cry2tatty once posted the followin' song from yesteryear.....why is it that we like to do what we do.....

TTTO: Eye of the tiger or Just one Shabbos.....

I love my computer
you make me feel alright
every waking hour
and every lonely night
I love my computer
for all you give to me
predictable errors and no identity
and its never been quite so easy
Ive never been quite so happy
all I need to do is click on you
and well be joined
in the most soul-less way
and well never
ever ruin each others day
cuz when Im through I just click
and you just go away
I love my computer
youre always in the mood
I get turned on
when I turn on you
I love my computer
you never ask for more
you can be a princess
or you can be my whore
and its never been quite so easy
Ive never been quite so happy
the world outside is so big
but its safe in my domain
because to you
Im just a number
and a clever screen name
all I need to do is click on you
and well be together for eternity
and no one is ever gonna take my love
from me because Ive got security,
her password and a key

A snippet of a post from 2010:

Growth is a ladder, not an escalator or even a flight of steps.
Escalators require no effort at all on our part.
Steps can be skipped and you can climb them two at a time.
A ladder needs climbing rung by rung. One at a time.