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TOPIC: Tryin' 266037 Views

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 07:31 #243399

  • cordnoy
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So (a basically true story), I was gettin' gas this mornin'
Gave woman 40.00 and asked for 35.00 unleaded (do they still say that?).
She gave me back 10.00 in change.
I walked back to car to pump the gas...thinkin'...ta'os akum mutar? not the proprietor? maybe the pump will stop at 30.00?
It went to 35.00 and stopped.
Walked back in to gas station...waited on line.
Gave her the 10.00 and asked for 5.00 in return.
She didn't wanna admit her mistake, so she said she only charged me 30.00.
I insisted.
She agreed.
Black man standin' watchin' the proceedin's.
He exclaimed in a real loud voice: Hey man! This is f@#$in' unbelievable! I've never seen anybody so f@#$in' honest before. Can I shake your hand?
Shook his hand as everyone smiled and wished me well.
Was a good moment for God and the Jews.
Sat down in car, and thinkin' about my life, I whispered: Hey man! This is f@#$in' unbelievable! I've never seen anybody so f@#$in' dishonest in my life. Ya' think God would wanna shake my hand?

Turned the ignition on......v'afilu b'hastarah....shebisoch hastarah.....
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

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Re: Tryin' 14 Nov 2014 07:58 #243400

  • skeptical
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Yeah, I think He'd wanna shake your hand.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 09:52 #243406

  • belmont4175
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cordnoy wrote:
Ya' think God would wanna shake my hand?


YES HE WOULD, I would too!
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 19:48 #243424

  • ddmm11219
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Reb Avrum
ur my man.....
...וְאִם גַּם אֶתְאַמֵּץ בְּעֵצוֹת וְתַחְבֻּלוֹת וְכָל יוֹשְׁבֵי תֵבֵל יַעַמְדוּ לִימִינִי לְהוֹשִׁיעֵנִי וְלִתְמֹךְ נַפְשִׁי, מִבַּלְעֲדֵי עֻזְּךָ וְעֶזְרָתְךָ אֵין עֶזְרָה וִישׁוּעָה...‬

מתוך תפילה נפלאה שחיבר הרה"ק רבי מאיר מאפטא זצוק"ל, בעל מחבר ספר "אור לשמים", ונדפסה בתחילת ספרו.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 20:07 #243428

  • bigmoish
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Where does the line form?
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 21:03 #243437

  • ZemirosShabbos
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יפה שיחתו של אברהם בתחנת דלק יותר ....
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 14 Nov 2014 22:15 #243466

  • Metal King
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Honesty? Kiddush Hashem? Humbly acknowledging much needed work in life?...i think He'd want a double high five !

Thank you Cordnoy for bringing us one step closer to geula!
My two favorite Rebbe Nachman quotes:

The whole world is a narrow bridge; the main thing is to not be afraid.

If you won't be better tomorrow than you were today, then what do you need tomorrow for?

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 05:38 #243489

  • kilochalu
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ZemirosShabbos wrote:
יפה שיחתו של אברהם בתחנת דלק יותר ....

and she was just tryng to be like rivka just with cars (or tanks) as our modern day substitute for camels

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 15:13 #243523

  • Watson
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cordnoy wrote:

Sat down in car, and thinkin' about my life, I whispered: Hey man! This is f@#$in' unbelievable! I've never seen anybody so f@#$in' dishonest in my life. Ya' think God would wanna shake my hand?


In my (non-medical ) opinion you're displaying classic addictive thinking. Addicts tends to experience guilt as shame. Where a non-addict would experience guilt, us addicts experience shame. Guilt is good and healthy, a spring-board for constructive change. Shame is unhealthy and keeps us deep in the problem.

The only way I know to be rid of shame (just cos I don't know of others doesn't mean they don't exist) is to bring the feeling into the light by sharing it (in person or on the phone) with an understanding person.

To put it another way, here's good ol' Charlie Brown:


pe131219.gif
Last Edit: 16 Nov 2014 15:20 by Watson.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 17:50 #243526

  • cordnoy
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Doc,

As I wrote to you privately, ultimately I do not know.
Perhaps my feelin's that I usually express here are a façade and a cover up.
that bein' said, I do not feel guilt or shame in the eyes of God.
I am not happy about it; I used to feel guilty.
Since recovery began, I have come to terms with it.
I still wanna improve....religiously as well.

The shame and guilt that I feel is to my wife.
the fact that I cannot be open and honest with her about my struggles.

although, this is not the B"B section, I must say (as part of this conversation) that I am beginnin' to blame her again. I still keep my head up (mostly), but she has her ways of gettin' me down, and we are basically discussin' bedroom stuff.

Nevertheless, my conduct or behavior, when I am in a rut, creates that shame or guilt....to my wife, for I like to be honest, and to her, as of yet, I cannot (or some of you will say, I will not).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 18:02 #243527

  • Watson
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cordnoy wrote:

that bein' said, I do not feel guilt or shame in the eyes of God.


cordnoy wrote:

Ya' think God would wanna shake my hand?


I find it difficult to reconcile the two statements above. I'm also not sure shame can be limited to one person, and even if it can that it makes any difference.

Is it possible that you are unaware of your own feelings of shame?

cordnoy wrote:
I am beginnin' to blame her again


I always start blaming and being resentful to my wife soon after acting out.
Last Edit: 16 Nov 2014 18:03 by Watson.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 18:07 #243529

  • cordnoy
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Watson wrote:
cordnoy wrote:

that bein' said, I do not feel guilt or shame in the eyes of God.


cordnoy wrote:

Ya' think God would wanna shake my hand?


I find it difficult to reconcile the two statements above.


I understand your question.
I wrote that the story was mostly accurate.
The question posed at the end was not an actual feelin'.
It probably is true, however, but not dominant.

Watson wrote:


Is it possible that you are unaware of your own feelings of shame?


Yes...somewhat

Watson wrote:
cordnoy wrote:


I am beginnin' to blame her again


I always start blaming and being resentful to my wife soon after acting out.


I haven't acted out
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 18:10 #243530

  • cordnoy
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Watson wrote:
I'm also not sure shame can be limited to one person.


I'm not sure why not, but I hear your point a bit.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 18:14 #243531

  • Watson
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For a more objective view please see guardyoureyes.org/woh/WOHRules.php point 8.
Last Edit: 16 Nov 2014 18:19 by Watson.

Re: Tryin' to 12 Steppin' 16 Nov 2014 18:20 #243532

  • cordnoy
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For I live a hidden life (and not one that I would be proud to share with her).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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