awesome.
thanks for the visualization of our journey.

This was posted on my Mikvah thread (which is reserved for b"b).

I am in close contact with many singles on this site, and I felt it necessary to post this here as well:

Title
FREE AT LAST (without bein' overconfident)

My wife goin' away
brings back memories
of all that i'd plan
on how I would please

my lustful desires
which knew no limits
what would I start with
and how would I finish?

Several days beforehand
the fantasies would have begun
and nothin' else would matter
no work or learnin' would get done

Mind focused intensely
on fulfillin' (ha...like that's possible) my lust
Slowly buildin' up
for that (slowly) was a must

The porn and the clothin'
plus my object of desire
my blood would be racin'
excitement pulsin' higher

The freedom in the house
the bedroom especially
everythin' would be perfect
the ultimate ecstasy

in my olden days I'd get graphic
every detail I would share
but now that's no longer my focus
so we'll leave the past right there

suffice it to say
that when it was over and it reached closure
a dream come true of lust and sex
and a 'hope' for a 'next time' in the near future

And now I am free again
the wife is away
and im busy at work
there's no time to play

entered my mind
not a thought of fantasy
should I pinch myself
is this sobriety?

In a mode of recovery
there is no room for a stray thought
for there will only be one endin'
death or doom will be brought

So, do I have control?
Am I an addict?
Addicted, I am
I know that I'm sick.

There is just one thin' that I own
and that is the ability
that when that urge invades
I can stay in reality

Acceptance and surrender
Whatever you call it
Is it God or twelve steps
Who gives a @#$%?

I never had time after desire would strike
couldn't hit a button to snooze
Now, there are precious seconds
and it's my life to choose

Do I wanna choose death
where I will be spiralin' outta control
Or will I do the smart thin'
and choose life instead?

Will this freedom always last
so long as this poem does rhyme?
I'll leave that for the thinkers
I'm one day at a time.

thank you all

Some of the White Book is just 'mumbo-jumbo' to me; I can't wrap my thick head around it. Some examples (although I still think it should be daily readin' for us):

1. "Most difficult for us to see was that being obsessed with self meant we had become the Source of our own livesour own god."

2. "Even though part of us knew the habit controlled us, it was often the one thing in our lives we thought we were controlling."

3. "Just as the Person-drive is the force driving us to connect with the best in us, others, and God, lust becomes the negative force connecting us with the worst in us and others and with what someone has called our negative god."

I did, however, find a paragraph that even a guy like me can understand:

"You don't have to understand any of this to recover. If it has parted the veil of obscurity and misinformation cloaking our condition for only a brief glimpse inside, it will have served its purpose. It should also help those of us in recovery to understand the radical nature of the change of heart and character that must continue if we are to live sober, joyous, and free."

Happy readin'

How about this?

"We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection.



The roadsign is attached. (I don't know how to put it into the post itself).

And Avrom, thanks for your posts!

that is beautiful.

thank you and you are very welcome.

my pleasure

when I have more time, I will fix the signs; please remind me.

b'hatzlachah

sweet!!

Please have in mind in your tefillos today one of our own:

Esther bas Chayah l'refuah shleimah.

She has just been admitted to the hospital.

tizku l'Mitzvos!

May Esther bas Chaya be sent a refu'ah sheleimah b'soch sh'ar cholei yisroel!!

Amen!
Thank you.

Last I heard she was restin', but somewhat uncomfortably.

I will keep you posted.

Simple question-there are many couples whether in the case of a zivug sheni that having more children is simply not a possibility or that of a long married couple where the wife has reached menopause- what do you think that there is no desire for physical intimacy among such couples?

I'm not sure if this question was directed to me or others.

I have no idea why.
What happened durin' the first 20/30 years?
Is old age creepin' in?
How is it outside the bedroom?
Do they have a harmonious marriage?

Is this a theoretical question?

either way, not a reason to be scared,
every age has it's way for fitting in to the system,
there seems to be a lot of happy old couples,
and it is encouraging to see that.

I think that if you look at the gedarim , it helps to remember that Chazal and Rishonim viewed Greco-Roman hedonism and a monastic/celibate view of life, and especially marital intimacy , as equally mistaken .

Reb SIB,

I do not know what you're respondin' to, or what you are sayin', but my hunch (puttin' your last two posts together, and skippin' the 'gedarim' comment, for I don't know how that fits) is that you're wonderin' as to how could it be that married Torahdike couples lose interest in intimacy after 30 years, where "unlike Puritans or monks, the Torah views marital intimacy as one of a husband's marital obligations. It is important to realize that the Torah views marital intimacy neither in the same way as Greco-Roman hedonism or puritanial Victorianism, but rather as the culmination of an emotionally healthy relationship." [a quote from one of your posts last year, for nobody should accuse me of knowin' who da hell Victoria or Mrs. Greconia were)? Is that your question? I will not offer an answer if this is not your question, so I will wait for your explanation.

Thanks

Cordnoy-I think that a loss of interest in intimacy after 30 years cannot be isolated by itself and reflects some issues outside the bedroom door that lead to a lack of desire for physical intimacy. I think that if you look at how Chazal reacted to the Greco-Roman hedonistic view of sex, and how they viewed marital intimacy as a marital obligation, as opposed to how celibacy is viewed as the height of spirituality and sex is viewed as original sin, Chazal had a very healthy and normal view of marital intimacy which Rishonim wrote manuals on how to enhance marital intimacy.