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TOPIC: Tryin' 275089 Views

Re: Tryin' 26 Apr 2018 15:09 #330341

  • cordnoy
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Call # 4:
Thank God, we had 20 people involved in the calls on Tuesday.
Quick recap:

1. Action book - We became antisocial, lost jobs, unfulfillin' life, for we were too distracted, Teeterin' on the edge of chaos, we wrecked careers, homes, lives, been hospitalized, attempted suicide or even killed ourselves (?) because sexaholism destroyed our physical, emotional and spiritual bein'. 
Members share: I would not admit failure; I was not goin' to be defeated. Life was spirallin' outta control, yet I knew I could make it work - until I couldn't.Again and again, I made the same damn promises to stop; no matter how hard I tried, I could not stop. Heard the welcome call: Let go and let God!
I forgot that it was my best thinkin' that got me into the mess that I called my life.
My powerlessness went beyond anythin' I could have imagined. I would scan both sides of a busy street for objects of my lust.My first impulse was lust; my second was shape; guilt followed immediately.
As my sobriety has grown thru months of workin' the program, I have become aware of even more ways in which my life had become unmanageable because of sexaholism. It is truly bafflin' to me that i could not see it clearly until I had been in recovery for some time.

2. Big book - Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. Truly bafflin' - the utter inability to leave it alone - no matter how great the necessity or the wish to stop.

3. White book - H.A.L.T. We learn the difference between indulgin' ourselves and takin' care of ourselves. We begin findin' what our lust was really lookin' for. Starts as an overpowerin' desire, demand that produces a high - somethin' to get us out of ourselves. Relief and pleasure - we seek it repeatedly and compulsively. It begins as a copin' mechanism; it dissolves tension, relieves depression..... it has the apparent effect of reducin' isolation and loneliness and providin' escape.
What seems to promise life is really takin' away our lives. 
It takes on a life of its own and becomes addictive.

4. Reb Meilech - mora - don't sit in father's seat; says the Sfas Emes that the RBS"O tells us, "Don't sit in your Father's seat; I am 'feerin' (runnin') the world; not you." Let Him run it.

Today - 12:30 iy"H.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: tryin 27 Apr 2018 13:57 #330378

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote on 06 Mar 2018 23:39:
In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I try to remain in the background, but I must say a few things (some may be unpopular).

My life (of well over four decades) - I was surrounded by sickness, death, hospitals, disease, pain, therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, jail, anguish, danger, and more, and by this I am includin' parents and grandparents (young ones), spouse, children, siblings, teachers and students, and I am not referrin' to flus, chicken pox and speedin' tickets.

And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'. Mind you, I am a shomer torah umitzvos par excellence. It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. I struggle with good and bad and Hashem's will and evil, but I block that all out, for the most part. 

I made the lousy decisions, and I needed to fix them. I went to therapists and specialists and sponsors and meetings. It was my resolve that I messed up and I need to climb outta it. Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.

But if I choose to think too much, I could get very angry, so therefore, I don't.

Recovery is too precious. I am finally livin' a life, although there is so much pain around me. The pain stinks and sucks, but I need to live, and that is only thru sobriety.

God speed to all.

yesterday evenin' sucked.
[The night felt good (sleepin' on da couch).]
Mornin' ain't much better.
In the distant past, I'd have my soothin' outlets.
In the recent past, I'd at least entertain it.
I should have worked some of my tools.
Instead, I just basically shut my mouth, breathed deep, watched sports and fell asleep with a sefer.
Sadly, I feel sad that I didn't even entertain an alternative (unhealthy) option; I know that part of me is still there, but it didn't rear its head. Oh well.

Onward.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 01 May 2018 11:55 #330528

  • cordnoy
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Let's try for 2:30 est today.

Thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 06 May 2018 17:19 #330716

  • cordnoy
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Sorry, but it doesn't look like I'll have much time for the recaps.
It is bein' recorded.

Tuesday's call God-willin' will be @ 1:30 pm EST.

​Luz Em feerin' - Let God run the world - it is His after all.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 08 May 2018 16:20 #330813

  • cordnoy
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Still aimin' for 1:30 today, God-willin' - Step 1 and Step 2 stuffin'.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 10 May 2018 14:41 #330909

  • cordnoy
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Call today, God-willin', will be @ 2:30.
Tuesday, there will not be a call, and Thursday's will be earlier in day.

​Thank you for this opportunity.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 10 May 2018 17:31 #330920

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote on 10 May 2018 14:41:
Call today, God-willin', will be @ 2:30.
Tuesday, there will not be a call, and Thursday's will be earlier in day.

​Thank you for this opportunity.

My apologies. I need to cancel today.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 17 May 2018 12:27 #331160

  • cordnoy
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Call today will be at 2:30 est God-willin'.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 17 May 2018 12:30 #331161

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote on 17 May 2018 12:27:
Call today will be at 2:30 est God-willin'.

My apologies; Call today will be at 1:30 est God-willin'. (1:30)
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 22 May 2018 16:40 #331216

  • cordnoy
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A gutten isru chag; hope yom tov was well by all.

There will not be a call today, but please let us know your preferred time for all future Tuesday and Thursday calls. As we discussed on last call, we need to make a fixed time. There will be more cancellations this way, but for the sake of sanity, it needs to be done.

​Thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 23 May 2018 17:45 #331268

  • cordnoy
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Thank you. As next week Tuesday and Thursday are crazy and I will probably not be able to call, let's just schedule for tomorrow, Thursday, and continue the discussion for best times. Thank you for the emails.

Tomorrow, let's do 3:00 est please.

​Thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 24 May 2018 19:22 #331321

  • cordnoy
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Humblin' experience today.
Heard music on both my calls.
Well, I finished step 3 (finished...ha!), and I'm ready to work step 4, but really work it.

If anyone would like the first sheet, please send me an email.

Peace was the direct result of a life where I did not need to be in charge anymore. Broodin', frettin', resentin', and lustin' were replaced with the simple responsibility to seek, listen and follow......it manifested in all aspects of my life, my relationships, my work, my finances and even my health. This was the natural consequence of placin' my life under better management.

Next week we are off.

Please let me know if 12:15 on Tuesday's and 3:00 on Thursday's work.

God speed!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 26 May 2018 05:37 #331377

  • gratefulsa
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Just had dinner and a safe movie with my son and his significant other.  What a gift recovery is giving to me. Present and grateful. GYE tools were right there for me tonight especially at the restaurant. Not perfect but definite progress. Going to bet grateful

Re: tryin 29 May 2018 18:32 #331493

  • yiraishamaim
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cordnoy wrote on 24 May 2018 19:22:


Peace was the direct result of a life where I did not need to be in charge anymore. Broodin', frettin', resentin', and lustin' were replaced with the simple responsibility to seek, listen and follow......it manifested in all aspects of my life, my relationships, my work, my finances and even my health. This was the natural consequence of placin' my life under better management.



I need to hear that.
Thank you

Re: tryin 03 Jun 2018 06:51 #331655

  • cordnoy
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kosher wrote on 18 Aug 2011 15:12:
I was actually working on a kuntres on this subject. I was going to post it in "my" thread and hopefully build up my post count, but you were zocheh to get it first.

I see GYE (and to an even greater extent the whole 12 step business) as the equivalent of methadone to a heroin addict. It is not nearly as bad as the other option and it opens up a space of sanity and functioning to allow an addict to really break free. On the other hand it is itself addictive and to some extent even reinforces the addiction. To the extent that you need it, it is an excellent thing and is certainly better than the alternative, on the other hand, people should be cautious not to jump into more than they need and perhaps even reduce the amount of it (if they can) over time.

In other words, talking about lust issues (especially as explicit as SA) does not reduce a person's lust, it just channels it in an appropriate manner. [Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "just" - this is an incredible accomplishment.] This leaves the person as addicted to lust as ever, and while as long as he sticks to the program he is fine, the path down to failure is a very short one. It is a much harder task for a person to actually reduce his lust, but if one does so he is better protected over the long run.

it seems possible to use the 12 steps (and GYE) to break out of the worst problems and then use the sanity and sobriety acheived to totally break free from the lust addiction.

(So it seems to me, but I have not perfected this process, so I shouldn't talk what I can't demonstrate.)


I believe a program can reduce the amount of lust a person possesses, and it certainly can teach him how to react when triggered, or preventin' it in the first place.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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