Welcome, Guest
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
Reply Topic
New Topic

TOPIC: Tryin' 275139 Views

Re: Tryin' 04 May 2017 21:29 #312316

  • eslaasos
  • Current streak: 16 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 954
  • Karma: 81
cordnoy wrote on 04 May 2017 12:03:
The above was written to me over two years ago. I reached out to that fellow yesterday and engaged him in conversation. He told me that he hasn't felt anythin' close to that feelin' in over two years. Serenity in life was not a top priority for Him right now, for a variety of reasons.

I wanted to ask how long that inspiration lasted for that fellow but didn't want to be a downer.
Feeling positive is a gift from the Almighty. I appreciate it when it is bestowed (like this morning) but have to be ready to work the program regardless.
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread

Re: Tryin' 05 May 2017 00:55 #312330

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
cordnoy wrote on 04 May 2017 13:08:
Share: my Google searches aren't turnin' out pretty (or maybe they are, and that's the problem).

As is written: regardin' lust, I had to keep takin' mini-inventories. Whenever I felt some experience, image, memory, or thought was controllin' me, as was often the case, i would brin' it to the light, sharin' it with other people. Get the air and sunlight on it. Lust hates the light and flees from it; it loves the dark secret recesses of my bein'. And once i let it lodge there, its' like a fungus and starts flourishin' -- the athlete's foot of my soul. But as soon as I brin' it to the light exposin' it to others, the power it has over me is broken. Light kills lust.

And since the third question in the daily renewal is as follows:

3. Are you willin' to do whatever is necessary to protect your sobriety for the next 24 hours, includin':

a) rigorous honesty

b) prayin' to God

c) callin' on others

d) forgivin' all resentments

e) refusin' all hits as toxic

f) readin' literature

g) maintainin' an attitude of gratitude

I commit to all of the above please God.

In the next several hours, I will try to work on d and g.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 05 May 2017 09:12 #312348

  • Singularity
  • Current streak: 72 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1507
  • Karma: 78
cordnoy wrote on 05 May 2017 00:55:

cordnoy wrote on 04 May 2017 13:08:
Share: my Google searches aren't turnin' out pretty (or maybe they are, and that's the problem).

As is written: regardin' lust, I had to keep takin' mini-inventories. Whenever I felt some experience, image, memory, or thought was controllin' me, as was often the case, i would brin' it to the light, sharin' it with other people. Get the air and sunlight on it. Lust hates the light and flees from it; it loves the dark secret recesses of my bein'. And once i let it lodge there, its' like a fungus and starts flourishin' -- the athlete's foot of my soul. But as soon as I brin' it to the light exposin' it to others, the power it has over me is broken. Light kills lust.

And since the third question in the daily renewal is as follows:

3. Are you willin' to do whatever is necessary to protect your sobriety for the next 24 hours, includin':

a) rigorous honesty

b) prayin' to God

c) callin' on others

d) forgivin' all resentments

e) refusin' all hits as toxic

f) readin' literature

g) maintainin' an attitude of gratitude

I commit to all of the above please God.

In the next several hours, I will try to work on d and g.

Thanks.

I wanna keep e in mind
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Tryin' 05 May 2017 13:19 #312358

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 805 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 6438
  • Karma: 138
"Big highs" are usually a red-flag that it won't last. As Dov always says, we need to learn to just be "ok" with life.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Re: Tryin' 05 May 2017 14:03 #312362

  • mayanhamisgaber
  • Current streak: 44 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1198
  • Karma: 71
Nice to see you are still active
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 14:21 #312434

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
The Netziv in the Parshah writes that the passuk ushmartem....v'chay bahem, which is an instruction to study the Torah is an introduction to the passages dealin' with arayos, for it is through the studyin' of Torah that one can gain control over this desire.

This is as the Gemara in Avodah Zarah 17b relates: Rabbi Chanina and Rabbi Yonasan were walkin' on the road and came to a fork in the road, one of which led by the door of a place of idol-worship and the other led by the door of a brothel. One said to his colleague: Let us go through the road leadin' to the place of idolatry, for the inclination for idolatry has been abolished (by the Men of the Great Assembly). The other one, however, said: Let us go through the road leading to the door of a brothel, and this way, we can subdue our inclination for immorality and receive our reward. As they approached the brothel they saw the harlots withdrawin' (into the brothel) at their presence. One said to the other: From where did you know this (that you could control your evil inclination)? The other replied: It is written: She shall watch over you from lewdness; understanding shall guard you.  The Gemora explains the verse: From matters of lewdness, the Torah shall watch over you.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 17:08 #312436

  • tiger
  • Current streak: 6 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 112
  • Karma: 5
thanks cords, there is a saying from tzadikim that sombody that has fallen in kedisha he fluctuates from being a angel to nebach a priest, I always thought it meant that the person sometimes feels great and holy and two seconds later he is doing the worst!! recently I was given a very truthful explaination,

It means that a person who falls in kedisha iis always looking for that high,if he is not high from lust then he is high couse he is a tzadik (angel) feels holy on top of the world, Oris, Flam feir,

If we have a high in yiddishkiet it a present from hashem, we have to get used to the sweetness of a oisgetrukeint dry prune life, a life where you don't need that rush of Holiness feeling!!

Hope I was clear as my writing skills are not that great

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 17:22 #312437

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
In Avos d'Reb Nassan it says: "Whoever places 'hirhurei Torah' -- Torah thoughts on his heart, it is removed from him all thoughts of immorality."
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 17:58 #312440

  • yiraishamaim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1031
  • Karma: 101
cordnoy wrote on 23 Apr 2017 15:05:
AI letter I wrote to rabbi taub at ami magazine over a year ago:

Good morning Rabbi Taub,

What I have found, in myself, and by others, is that the urges that come about at a later time are not simply the plot of the yetzer, but rather, this is the addiction itself. I am not smart enough to know how the yetzer hara mixes into our addiction, but I do know that the methods of combating the yetzer hara are not the ones that work for us. 


Cords. The above is a quote from your letter to Rabbi Taub. Your last couple of posts are dealing with the Yetzer Hara. 
Could you please clarify your position on the role the Yetzer hara plays in addiction.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 18:09 #312443

  • mayanhamisgaber
  • Current streak: 44 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1198
  • Karma: 71
IMHO Cords was not talking about the y"h rather what we need to do to control our lust/deires
These things are not necessarily considered the y"h especially for an addict.

Just the way I understood him... 
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 18:23 #312447

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
yiraishamaim wrote on 07 May 2017 17:58:

cordnoy wrote on 23 Apr 2017 15:05:
AI letter I wrote to rabbi taub at ami magazine over a year ago:

Good morning Rabbi Taub,

What I have found, in myself, and by others, is that the urges that come about at a later time are not simply the plot of the yetzer, but rather, this is the addiction itself. I am not smart enough to know how the yetzer hara mixes into our addiction, but I do know that the methods of combating the yetzer hara are not the ones that work for us. 


Cords. The above is a quote from your letter to Rabbi Taub. Your last couple of posts are dealing with the Yetzer Hara. 
Could you please clarify your position on the role the Yetzer hara plays in addiction.

thank you for the question.

Firstly, I don't know.

Secondly, in my last two posts (of which there will be more), I did not mention addiction, and I didn't really mention "plot of the yetzer."

Additionally, the quotes above seem to be focused on prior to the onslaught; that means in general that one who focuses his heart and desire into the studyin' of the Torah (somethin', that although I have learned for many, many years, i cannot say that i have done), for him, the desire for immorality will not entice him.

This might not be the way to combat or 'fix' one who is addicted already.

And finally, my letter to R' Taub was essentially focused on one point, and that is that he asserted that one who works on recovery and attains a certain amount of sobriety and then he relapses - that is not the addiction speakin', but the plot of the yetzer. If we grant that there is an addiction beforehand, I contend that a later relapse is not, or might not be the yetzer, but rather, the addiction rearin' its ugly head again.

thank you again.

Please don't hesitate to question; I am no scholar or doctor; simply a lustaholic livin' recovery.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 18:47 #312451

  • yiraishamaim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1031
  • Karma: 101
Thank you for not only your response but the gracious nature that the inquiry was received. The written word does not have the luxury of showing the spirit in which a statement is made. The inflection of voice can show sincerity or sarcasm but the written word is not as clear.

I would like to suggest that perhaps we can understand the yetzer hara's role from an old mashal.  maybe its simpler than we think.
That the YH starts off like a spider catching his prey in his web. The spider winds his web around his prey making it increasingly more difficult to escape. At one point the web is like iron and it is impossible to flee without major intervention.
Perhaps some of us have stronger leanings or a compulsion if you will, towards lust. After indulging in the filth for some time it becomes impossible to simply think of "ayin roeh v'ozen shomaas ..."  Like Rav Amram in kiddushin 81a. His lust was so strong he needed an extreme reaction on his part to save him. Simply thinking of the yom hamisah or other tachbulos would be of no help.
Maybe...
At the same time. I have learned that those that do well in recovery are those that work a good program. Those that first need to UNDERSTAND it all, watch at the sidelines as others ever so soberly pass them by.
So I guess it's really all academic anyway.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 19:58 #312469

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
The Rambam in Yad writes: Greater than this it is said: One should focus all his intentions and his thoughts towards the studyin' of Torah and expand his mind in this wisdom, for thoughts of immorality cannot overpower a person unless he is void from the wisdom of the Torah.

Rabbeinu Yonah in Avos adds: Thoughts of immorality and thoughts of Torah are two thoughts that the heart cannot be 'soivel' at the same time.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 07 May 2017 21:06 #312480

  • yiraishamaim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1031
  • Karma: 101
Thank you for the post. Clearly, the point is that when a person is thinking in Torah there is no room for lustful thoughts. However, if one leaves those thoughts, one can dream in a negative direction. That's why it's been said that even when walking on the street a Torah thought should be on one's mind. 

Re: Tryin' 08 May 2017 00:52 #312496

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
The world stands on three things: on Torah, avodah and gemilus chassadim.

Three things chase a person from this world: jealousy, desire and honor.

I leave it up to you to match the three.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Reply Topic
New Topic
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Break Free
Moderators: yechidah, skeptical, the.guard, kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, menachemgye, smartlakewood
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.80 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes