unfortunately im dealing with some very severe depression which started recently (it usually happens this time of year) i feel like a complete piece of **** and davening and learning is really difficult for me. i want to connect to Hashem but the only g-d i know when im in this state is the g-d of fantasy and temporary pleasure. ive been white knuckling it so far but as dov says 'how long can you hold youre breathe?' i feel totally self involved, stuck in my own head which is the worst place for me to be. ive been reaching out to get some off internet help and im holding on the best i can. i feel this empty space inside and i dont know whats even supposed to go there. im not good at saying what i actually feel, always thinking that i 'have' to be okay. well right now im not okay.

Just a suggestion... have you tried hisbodedus? I'm not a breslover, but I've tried it before and it's the most amazing experience. Just go and talk to Hashem- just say whatever's on your chest. You may find it helps...
Hatzlacha!

There is a school of thought in psychology that our feelings follow our thoughts.
We can't change how we feel, but we are in control of what we think.
It's important to develop the habit of positive self-talk, and avoiding negative thoughts.
There's a book written about how to do this. A fellow who used to post here was always recommending it. I read it many years ago and you might find it helpful for your depression. It's called Feeling Good by David Burns. The techniques have been clinically proven to cure depression, and many academic centers incorporate these "cognitive therapy" principles into their treatment regimens.

Smile

i heard bshem the ramba"m to take a bit of a vacation, eat some good food, relax, do something you enjoy, and most importantly hang out with friends. (all i heard from the ramba"m was the vacation and food part, and lav davka that's what he said)

I find that i get depressed when i feel like i'm not doing anything useful but that is very possibly not the case by you.Another thing that i find is there when i get depressed is not enough sleep, so make sure to sleep enough(too much isn't good either). Try to figure out what causes the depression by you.

AlexEliezer, are you refering to inate health? it is really cool!!
and zvi, hisbodedus was around a long long time before breslaav! but i think you are right, we find it very dificult to daven the tefilos that chazal set for us, but when we talk to him in our own words it is much much much easier (and sometimes more effective, at least for us). and it can be anywhere, anytime, just when you're alone you can ussually be much more original.
Last night i a terrible wave of memories/fantasies, but i remembered what someone wrote (can't remember who or where) that he would tell hashem the thoughts he was having, and i did that, and lo and behold i fell asleep!!!
Nitzoseloki, Don't forget your name!! KOT KOMT!!! we're all rooting for you!!!

thank you all for your chizzuk. i went to spend some time with program friends and B"H am feeling much more settled. getting out of isolation was tough but speaking with people who i was able to be honest with about how im feeling did immeasurable good. i really love gye and its been doing a lot for me but i have to remember to use ALL the tools Hashem sends me. usually its the ones that i find hardest to use what i need most

avi

alexeliezer


It's important to "record" positive messages.

I was listening to a CD on which an expert salesman was teaching how to make sales. He says that a lot of sales people are afraid of the word no, so they push off making phone calls, constantly pushing off their sales calls.

In order to combat that, he says a salesperson has to literally talk to himself, smile and say things like, "I am great!" "I can sell anything to anyone!" Over and over again, you say these things and you're recording it into your subconscious to be retrieved when you need it.

People are often unaware of the negative messages they're telling themselves and consequently programming themselves for failure. Be aware of negativity and record positive messages in their stead.

There's a great book "Gateway to Happiness" by R' Zelig Pliskin. He says in the foreword that reading a chapter a day will help.

MT

Pidaini wrote:


No. I have only read Feeling Good and it was probably 25 years ago. I still apply the principles today. Whenever I'm feeling down, I start counting my blessings and find positive things to tell myself. It's really quite simple. Not necessarily easy, especially for someone who may be accustomed to depression and the accompanying negative thoughts. The book gives such a person the tools and methods to change their thinking to positive. It's impossible to be depressed when your mind is brimming with positive thoughts.

inastruggle wrote:

And I heard b'shem Rambam [and both of us are distant enough from the Rambam that you don't need to trust us, but I'm like two years older than inna...] that a King once sent him a letter that he's depressed, the Rambam's reply:
You follow your desires too much...

avos perek daled mishna chof zayin
r' mayer omar al tistakel b'kankan ela b'mah se'yesh bo

rashi and rav explain, quoting artscroll: here "there are young men whose level of learning and insight has outstripped that of their seniors. in spite of their youth they may be full of old ripe wine of torah"

v'hameivan yavin

ummmmm
then why did you need to turn to your "elders" for where that mishna is, eh?

i was machnia myself to learn from them even though hatanna hakodosh r' meir says that i might know more.

'er iz ah anav oich'

getting good food in yeshiva is rough. the zman started again and i have zero interest in learning. if im not learning i need something to do with my time or im in trouble...

Sounds like you could use a therapist to talk to, or at least your mashgiach.