I've often been curious if I should consider myself an addict or just a regular struggler with the YHR. You'll probably ask: l'mai nafka minai? I believe there are several, but would love to hear your thoughts as well.

Lemai nafka mina?

Ha ha.

Just jokiing, I agree that it makes a big difference. If I amn't an addict then I must continue trying to watch my eyes and be a holy Jew. If I am an addict, right and wrong won't help me anymore, I need help. I need specific steps to get me out of the muck, I cannot get out by myself.

But... I heard that they say in AA: "It's better to get sober in AA as a mistaken alchoholic, than to keep on drinking cause I might not be a real alcholic". In other words, if your'e not sure, it's probably better to play it safe and get help, especially as a Jew who every fall is a very wrong thing to do (or maybe I should say especially as a human being who deserves to live his life). If I really amn't an addict, but because of mistaken recovery work I get sober, then I've saved my life.

However, this is all deep theoretics (which my addicted mind enjoys so much, the more abstract and unreal the better), the bottom line I think is what I think it says in the Big Book of AA, that the way to test yourself is to try to stop after one drink, if you can control it great if not then that's an alchoholic. So for me that ment that since I never wanted to start to begin with, and have been desperatley trying for a decade to stop without any success, well, I'm a sick sexoholic, whether I like it or not.

I also have been struggling with this question, and here are some observations, that I given elswhere on the forum, but here goes. Take drinking, I can honestly say that for the rest of my life I will, and hope to enjoy alcohol, I'll have a whiskey at a kiddush, a lechaim Friday night, get a bit tipsy on Purim. Am I an alcololic? No way, will I ever stop drinking, No, I plan to do the same every year!! There is nothing Halachically or spiritually (pardon the pun) wrong with this plan. I have a question, if one can say the same about smoking, which is more complicted due to the health issues.
But with Porn, maybe a non-jew could have this plan, i.e not be addicted, but enjoy it once in a while. But we know that just doesn't work for us Frummer Yidden, there are איסורים, and will lead to worse. One look is also no good,addict or not, one drink is fine for a non alchohlic.
So we have to try, addict or not, not to look, because we know that is right, the problem is we have natural urges of lust, and the porn itself is a mamshich.
So addict or not, we also need help 'breaking free' and staying free, 'one day at a time' So addict or most likely not, we also want to stop looking, and if the same tools work for 'real addicts' as for us great, use them and thank Hashem you found them
Hatzlacha to all of you.

The following is a response which I got from The Guard on a similar question which I asked here:

the.guard wrote:

Click here for his full response.

I asked the question because I also believe that there is a real nafka mina in how to go about battling this problem. This is especially true because they say that there is such a thing as a "dry addict". So the fact that I have so many days under my belt doesn't help me if I'm still an addict.

I think it is really very simple. If what you are doing, is keeping you sober, good for you! If not, maybe it's time to try something different. The handbook has lots of tools. Choose the ones that work for you.

chaimcharlie got it spot on so i wont add anything but to say i concur.

Perhaps melost can post the Test Yourself Questions here...?

moish u.k. wrote:

here are some questions Test Yourself


1.Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2.That you'd be better off if you didn't keep “giving in”?
3.That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4.Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5.Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6.Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
7.Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
8.Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
9.Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10.Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
11.Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
12.Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13.Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14.Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15.Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16.Do you lose time from work for it?
17.Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18.Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19.Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?

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avrohom