A sefer on Kedushas haBris that written by a yid from the good old days, wrote that the posuk says (Yeshaya, I blv) "um'guroseyham ovee aleiyhem" meaning, "and I will bring upon them the very thing they fear" (referring to Hashem destroying some resho'im or somthing, not anything to do with us and our sperm, mind you).

The mechaber writes that if one goes to bed worrying about having a wet dream (again), then he is most likely to have a wet dream (again)! Too bad. So he recommends ignoring it completely. But then he writes that if one cannot let go of the fear, and finds himself worrying at bedtime nonetheless, the person should say the four kapitels we all know for bedtime (as we all do on Y"K for that very reason) - but then he adds something amazing. He does not give the usual, very frum-sounding silliness about "just say these pesukim and the desire will go away magically!", but rather, he then adds the most important part:

"and he gives his desire for the fantasizing away to the Ribono shel Olam freely, casting all his dependence upon Hashem to help him have a good clean night with complete trust and calm."

The fear is the worst enemy we have sometimes.

I'd add one more thing: The inability to do what that tzaddik wrote, might show that the person really secretly wishes to hold onto the wet dream - for it may be his only hope for some precious sexual pleasure! After all, he is clean, right? Witholding from himself the sweet porn and orgasms for so long, right?

This is not a matter of shame or insult - it is a simple fact. We sometimes miss it. And Hashem knows it, loves when we admit it, and we can calmly let it go and calmly set ourselves in His hand. Beyado afkid ruchi b'eis ishon, v'oira, v'im ruchi geviyosi G-d is for me - v'lo iroh.

Sweet, no?

Hey!

From one struggler to another. I feel for the guy who said that he feels ugly and masturbates because he is lonely. It crazy that we all wish we were somebody else. Coming from the opposite extreme, I am a very attractive man, have been a model since the age of 18 and women were always available for sex, willing no prostitution, from all ranges and kinds and I'll tell you after being with these women I got to a point where I felt so lonely!!! I could actually be having sex with a beautiful, intellectual woman but thinking to myself damn! Im lost, shes lost, I need more, she doesn't understand me, I am selfish, Im an animal, she is gross, I am gross, I hate myself, I want to die! LOL pretty crazy right? the opposite extreme but completely the same!!! SO FAR AWAY FROM G-D!! I agree with DOV, its not the action its the root, I am a lust addict, and it manifests itself in many many forms, and any way I can use lust to escape from my problem of exile from spirituality is death. Regarding this thread: I have gotten to the point where most of the people on this site seem to be struggling with which is Internet Porn and Masturbation. And I believe that you are right, it is a lower level to be having sex with actual women Jewish and Non Jewish but for me I believe I feel good about climbing out of such a dark hole and I feel accomplished and important that I can have a relationship with G-D even though I was so far from him. It took a strong stance and a lot of pain to separate myself from the non jewish girlfriend I had, we had sex daily, but she was keeping me sick. When I made the decision to get CLEAN I broke up with her and made a commitment for 30 days NO CONTACT with any girl!!!!! and it literally felt like I was mourning the death of myself. I was so depressed and needed her I needed another, I needed the touch, the love, the pleasure. I was sick and void of G-D. It was either call that girl or another girl or attach myself to G-D! thank G-D I chose G-D. I went to shul and its been over 100 days since talking to any girl. Since then I was able to keep rising. I am 35 days clean off of masturbation and porn. May we all continue to rise levels towards complete rectification and bind ourselves with the Creator.

YC