Hi,

I started this topic to try and make a thread for guys who struggle with actual people. Like guys who have girlfriends, actual out of marriage relationships, use or have used zoines.. It would make it easier for some to relate to, since not everyone who has these struggles is fighting Internet pornography, masturbation and so on...

I feel like im a level lower then most guys on this forum..

Im not sure if to be happy or sad that no one is replying to my post...

If this means that no one is struggling like I am

I have no doubt that others are struggling the same way you are. You are not alone.

Dear Help613

Don’t worry… many members here already have gotten there; you are not different at all. Not that it’s ok, it’s living hell.

But I don’t think we ‘deserve’ a separate thread, the mechanism of the lust addiction works the same whether it’s masturbating, phone s* or znis. The fact that some had more guts than the others or the opportunity which others didn’t have doesn’t mean anything for recovery (I’m talking only from addiction perspective, not from halacha perspective which is of course very different).

We are addicted to lust, lust is the key word. It doesn’t matter which tool we used to perform our lust. Therefore the same kind of steps or tools will always work equally for all kind of lust addicts no matter which levels they reached.

I have nothing intelligent to say on the matter. But I liked the title of the thread, it made me feel how I am not struggling with real people, I pretend to myself my whole life that I need some really good sex with a loving, intimate, female to make me happy... but it's all a lie, I want an object, now a person.

Yup, that's me, got a problem?, think I should be normal and want sex with a person?, well that's tough on you, cause there's nothing to do about it...., I am sick and cannot lust in a healthy, nurturing way, and since I know no other way to deal with my feelngs besides sex and lust and fantasies, I am doomed unless Someone Greater Than Me will intervene and save me from myself. (sorry about that ranting, nothing personal to you or anyone)

sorry there is no diffrrence i masterbate and u masterbate in someone i have sex with myself and u have sex with urself with someone else alot of times when i had sex with my wife i was having sex with myself just using her most adicts start of with masterbation and get to worst things anyway god loves u hatzlacho

I would say that there is difference. To me s*x with a person would be a much greater sin than to m******ate. Hashem Yitbarach says than whoever has s****l intercourse with a woman they become one. He becomes one with her. That means the man takes from all that she is, both phsycally and spiritually.

Help613, i can relate to your situation. I relate to your situation on a daily basis. I study at a secular university and unfortunately i get a lot of female attention. Sometimes i feel that im on the verge of losing my Jewish identity, the identity that separates me from all the nations. That's why Hashem Yitbarach sent us to this world. To live for Him and do His will. I'm very careful not to participate in the secular activities they do or go to the places they go. B''H im doing good lately. We should be kadosh l'Hashem Yitbarach.

I had a fall... i had many falls. Since i went to college i had many falls with a few girls, but bless the L-RD, none of these falls led to s*x. Almost. I thought i'm strong enough to hold on to the rock of my Salvation and not give in to temptation but i was wrong. I had a girlfriend only to use her as an object of satisfaction, the furthest i went was to spend a night with her which ALMOST led to s*x. It led to a lot of things, i cheated on H' i did horrible things not only that night but months... I feel ashamed now talking about that but that's why im here actually... "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me." says David haMelech, David avinu. If he said it, how much more should we say it.

So stand strong brother and know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Thanke for the clarifications

Thanks guys ! I really appreciate it ! Sorry, I really was not trying to differentiate and make your struggles sound less serious, but I often feel that halachik and spiritual things help me overcome my temptations.. And thats why I was looking for someone closer to my suffering !

Why can't H' just make me strong enough and give me the clarity I need to realize all this attention is poison for me !!

You are just scratching the surface of a solution, chaver. You are so not alone, it is really amazing. I personally know dozens of frum yidden who feel they are worse than you are, and many of them are clean now, having help from Hashem to rebuild their lives and doing just fine. There is help, chaver. Please do not be too afraid to get it.

Always here for you,

Dov (and a lot of other people, too)

Thanks so much for your support ! Met a really nice GYE member today and we, well I definitely look forward to a very fruitful chavrusah learning with him

Who wants to sponsor me a tattoo on my lower body..

"the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets"

All the learning in the world will not help you with your problem. A great chavrusa may help you feel really good. But feeling good is not a solution, either.

But friendship is sure a precious thing. "Oh chavrusa oh misusa" the gemorah says. And if you open up to him, that may be a great stepping stone for you to freedom. So: Hatzlocha!!

I personally actually think it harder when your doing it with an actually
person. Im an un attractive man physically I never get any attention/advances from woman. Jewish or non Jewish. Very few people even want to be seen with me so I have very very few friends. The only girls who get offered to me a shidduch are either sick with a disease , extremely over weight or ugly as well. I know it's hypocritical but im not interested in them.
This fuels my masturbation because im so lonely and miserable never having and never will have a woman's touch(I actually contemplate suicide everyday). If an attractive woman Jewish or non Jewish ever came on to me and offered to do whatever fantasy I wanted I doubt I would be able to resist.
Also although it might be a bigger sin doing it with another person is easier to rationalize since your lonely and masturbation is kind of loserish. Most ppl at least who I've met masterbate a lot because they dont get women

Thats interesting what you say ! I aint the good looking type of guy at all.
Girls are not so much into looks the guy are but rather into personality.

I am obviously not telling you what to do to get girls because I can assure you its a deep spiral road downwards with hardly any tools to get out of it.

If your starting to date, focus on something you always wanted to do and excel at it. Be the best at what makes you happy, smile and that's what a girl needs, a guy who's fulfilled and who she can fall upon to.

Try and live the true life, not a Hollywood superficial barby - ken life because from experience neither are they happy !

Im always here if you want to talk !

From my observation today's woman are MORE into looks than men. If you ask a woman under 35 what they want in a guy they will fire off "personality,medos, humor etc" but when they get approached by the 5'6 balding social worker they are very very cold and look to get out of the date/conversation asap. When they interact with an attractive guy there all upbeat, flirty and talkative.