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My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 9635 Views

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 10 Sep 2009 18:25 #17263

me3 Current streak: 97 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1229 Karma: 9	And Rage is right And of course Guard is right (he's always right - he's Guard!)
	Last Edit: by Ittybitty.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 10 Sep 2009 18:31 #17266

Rage AT Machine	guardureyes wrote on 10 Sep 2009 18:21: "How can they all be right?" you ask. You know, you're right! Pass the milk, Tevye
	Last Edit: by .

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 10 Sep 2009 18:57 #17271

sunnycheetah84 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1043 Karma: 0	guardureyes wrote on 10 Sep 2009 18:21: Maalin is right. Kutan is right. R' Shraga is right. "How can they all be right?" you ask. You know, you're right! Me, I didn't ask. As soon as I hear Kutan is right, I'm cool.
	Rashi, Breishis (10:25) Last Edit: by Needtoclearmyhead.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 10 Sep 2009 19:08 #17274

Efshar Letaken Current streak: 194 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 850 Karma: 3	RATM, Right on the ball. When you do get around smacking that guy please give him one from me to on the other cheek. Don't worry I will give it (the slap) back to you. E.L.
	Last Edit: by charlesr.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 10 Sep 2009 22:52 #17322

Rage AT Machine	you know what, efshar, i got so many slaps (from so many people, for so many good reasons) that i'll just spring for that one...its on me, bro... ratm
	Last Edit: by Francois.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 11 Sep 2009 02:34 #17349

serenejaguar93
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Rage AT Machine wrote on 10 Sep 2009 18:16:

BruceWayne wrote on 10 Sep 2009 17:53:

I'm going to assume that sex is WAY more addictive than pr0n or masturbation. One of my friends even told me that you can't stop once you start, and he wishes he never had.

I dont know if there is a general rule...i think for most people, pr0n and bate is much more addictive...also, it sounds like your friend was discreetly trying to show off...if one of my friends would come up to me when i was a yeshiva boy and say, "man, im just having way too much sex, i dont know what to do about all this sex that i am having, i wish i can just have less sex all the time" id pretty much , out of sheer reflex, give him an open slap to the face...

Maybe he was, but he's not at all religious. Who knows, maybe he was being honest? And I was already out of Yeshiva by then

Last Edit: by landmine.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 11 Sep 2009 14:15 #17398

moshef
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Uri, firstly, thank SO MUCH for posting about your therapy session, I have thought about opening a thread many times for people to share their therapy experiences to help others that either can't afford therapy or who have tried numerous waste of time ones (both apply to me). PLEASE keep posting, it can only hope others including myself.

I'm curious if R' Slachter is a professional or just someone who got out of it himself and is now helping others without formal training. Doesn't really make a difference to me since I don't live in Israel.

MaalinBKodesh wrote on 10 Sep 2009 17:11:

I'm kinda bothered by the above. I think I'm missing something.

How makes it seem like the sex, the aveira, was good for you, that it helped get you through hard times, and that without the aveira you would have been worse off.

I think he meant that the sex drive that hashem put into every human is a good thing and should be appreciated and thereafter used correctly.

BruceWayne wrote on 10 Sep 2009 17:53:

I'm going to assume that sex is WAY more addictive than pr0n or masturbation. One of my friends even told me that you can't stop once you start, and he wishes he never had. So I've always been very careful to avoid any physical interaction. I

I can't tell how many times over my porn/internet/mbation addiction I have thought to myself, what the heck, I'm masturbting anyway, I may as well enjoy it and do the real stuff. B'h I never got to that point because every red line I’ve crossed up to today became addictive after the first time. So I am thankful that my addiction does not include real contact because if I had broken that barrier I would struggle today with that and it's way more difficult.

Having said that, I still feel that pang of jealousy of others who have had tons of the real stuff, I know I'm a pig but what can I do I'm an addict.

Last Edit: by Abcdefghijklmn.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 11 Sep 2009 14:56 #17409

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	I still feel that pang of jealousy of others who have had tons of the real stuff, I know I'm a pig but what can I do I'm an addict. As you recover, you will find that you are more and more grateful that you did not have as much of the POISON that others may have had.
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by idk.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 11 Sep 2009 16:15 #17421

sunnycheetah84
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guardureyes wrote on 11 Sep 2009 14:56:

I still feel that pang of jealousy of others who have had tons of the real stuff, I know I'm a pig but what can I do I'm an addict.

As you recover, you will find that you are more and more grateful that you did not have as much of the POISON that others may have had.

Well said.
MosheF, the glasses on your nose are colored.
once they come off... poison will look like poison.

And true pleasure will look like true pleasure.

Ah. But who says WE are not the ones with the colored glasses? Maybe mine (MosheF) are crystal clear?

Fair question.
The answer...
You can only know if you've worn both pairs. Then its obvious, which one really shows whats poison and what is pleasure.

k

Rashi, Breishis (10:25)

Last Edit: by Doc.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 11 Sep 2009 16:34 #17422

moshef OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 219 Karma: 0	kutan shel hachabura wrote on 11 Sep 2009 16:15: the glasses on your nose are colored. once they come off... poison will look like poison. And true pleasure will look like true pleasure. Kutan (Godal), loved that line!
	Last Edit: by royboy.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 12 Sep 2009 18:38 #17458

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	Uri, are you done with all your meetings?
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by Mas1127.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 13 Sep 2009 12:41 #17519

jerusalemsexaddict	No. I go every wednesday. ive only had 2 meetings so far. ill try to keep up a summary of them. -uri
	Last Edit: by .

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 14 Sep 2009 12:52 #17729

kanesher
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I've always thought of sex as nuclear energy. It's sheer power; it can destroy, or it can build. You can use it to connect in the right context and commitment ( we have a word for that; it's called kiddushin), or you objectify and cheapen. B'Ikar, it touches one's essence; even prostitutes need to deal with "Johns" who develop an emotional connection. But if you're missing context- of what the person is, who they truly are beyond their bodies - you connect only to their bodies, and hence cheapen yourself and them to just bodies. If we express ourselves sexually without having a real emotional connection, our emotions become numb. If we express ourselves sexually without having a real mental connection, our minds become numb.

Pornography and the like of course, have zero potential for connection. And we become numb to emotional aspect of sex, and hence super-sensitive to the physical. A woman in the street is only a body and judged as such (of course, she many also present herself that way); we couldn't care less about who she is. But real tayvah deals with both the emotional and physical; a desire to connect physically in a real way. And it is faaar better; but one must give up lollipops before he can taste a porterhouse steak (which, you can get in Manhattan, they say - though nikur is a nightmare).

The Torah, therefore, was magdir us - to make sure we have a connection before we connect - and we call it kiddushin. Grada, it's not a guarantee; many problems exist in marriage when the connection is happening without connection, but Tzaddikim Yelchu Bo.

So, no, it's not evil, anymore then a gun is evil (NRA, card carrying

). You misuse it, you are doing evil. But it's not evil. Some guy smoked a terrorist driving a tractor some time ago. Guns are great - when used to smoke terrorist.

Pardon my rambling

And hatzlacha on therapy!

Last Edit: by samjack30000.

Re: My Meetings With A Sex Addiction Therapist 14 Sep 2009 13:32 #17744

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	I've always thought of sex as nuclear energy. It's sheer power; it can destroy, or it can build. See Chizuk e-mail #511 on this page (scroll down)
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by Eli schwab.