Thank you Dov. Its something to think about. I am making an effort trying to live life as it is and not run away/escape. I'm taking little steps to do this(i.e like making my bed, or cleaning my room every so often etc.)
I fell this past thursday because I just stayed up just stam. So, I'm making myself a knas that if I stay up past 12:30 I put 20 dollars in pushka unless I for some reason I need to stay because of Oness. If I manage to stay clean for the rest of the week, I'll buy myself something as a reward.....
So Day 3 is today.

Is there someone you know who you adnire?

Yeah, why?

May you never need the knas. I need to build on these kinds of growth opportunities while remembering not to look for perfection. Taking these steps can lead you to moving on to more and even more useful things, like stuff for others. I hope you let go of the knasos soon. Punishing ourselves into growth does not really work for me and other people I know. But your intentions are such precious gifts! Hatzlocha!

Day 4.My goal for now is 10 days as silly as it sounds.

Silly, schmilly. If it works, go for it!!

I'm up to Day 6 today. I'm been having a rough day because I didn't sleep well last night. I know that tonight is going to be hard. I'm thinking of maybe calling one of my friends who know my struggle either through pm or on the phone if I see myself slipping. Thanks for listening

Why it will be hard tonight?

because I'm tired. If I go to sleep through second seder, my roommates aren't going to be in the room.....but if I go through seder. Besides that if I nap now I'll ruin my sleeping schedule for tonight just like if I nap on Shabbos. If I don't take a nap I'll be really tired tonight and when I'm tired the urge to do search the web is stronger.

Based on my own growing up and struggling, I think that instead of fighting lust so hard you might do better to fight against bad sleeping habits. I have discovered that by changing my wake time to 530 in the morning and learning with a chavrusa (with chocolate-flavored coffee ), I keep better hours at bed time, be"H.

I accomplish twice as much on a day after 7+ hours of sleep.

And my lustability is much less after adequate sleep, probably because I am a bit less crazy.

Hatzlocha with that. It's probably part of growing up, for me. And recovery is really just growing up, facing the truth and living with it instead of against it.

LOL Dov, I don't believe you actually sleep 7+ hours a day... you're in the forum answering all day long! (+ phone calls, conferences, emails, etc)

Baruch Hashem today is Day 11. I bought myself some food that I like to celebrate. I'm going to go for 15 days which is MOtsei Shabbos. What really helped me is what nederman said that not to think that Yetser Hara is trying to me but that he's giving me a choice to act out not that he's forcing me to do it. Thank you very much nederman.
Chaim

Fantastico!!

Icandothis wrote on 04 Dec 2012 17:58:


Thanks for the kind words. I love stroking my ego as much as anyone, however I am a bit concerned to read that you are going for only fifteen days - aside from the great halachic value of these days free of sin. When you write a cost-benefit analysis you write it for all days (unless your situation will change in fifteen days, say.) That leads me to suspect that you have not written a cost-benefit analysis. That, in turns, means that you are still liable to choose a sub-optimal lifestyle (Jew who acts out) some time down the line when you get a powerful enough stimulus.

You are free to do what you want, but you will be better served if you do the cost-benefit analysis. The true value can only be appreciated after you have done it. And sometimes you do the cost-benefit analysis and you are just not convinced that you would like your life more if you didn't act out. And that's good to know, because then you can stop beating yourself up until your situation changes in some way that makes recovery attractive for you. The instructions are in my thread under "What Works for Me".

This is better for me too so on day 16 you'll still be sober and you can stroke my ego some more. I just wished I had invented the cognitive method, then I could really tell myself that I was worthwhile. I am going to go act as if I am worthwhile now, I got some oranges and there is a stimulating video on youtube about the impending financial crisis ...

I hear what your'e saying nederman. I am up to Day 18 today. I did do a cost-benefit analysis and so far today is the hardest because I have more free time on my hands I finished my semester recently and its getting harder to keep myself busy even with being in Yeshivah. Everytime I think of going to my computer and do something bad, I always bring up the fact that its not worth it. At the end of day its not worth looking at bad stuff because I will again be sucked into a different world that is hard to get out of. Does it get easier?
Chaim
P.s. this is my new username