jewish wrote on 20 Nov 2012 21:30:
I used to find Motzei Shabbos a very hard night too (especially in the winter) and I fell many times on that night. The reason I believe is what AlexEliezer wrote a “post ago”.
What I did to battle the problem is,
1. I try hard not to sleep too much Shabbos afternoon especially in the winter because that gives me way too much time Motzei Shabbos.
2. I made it my job to wash the dishes at home or some other house job, if that is not possible I go swimming. (By the way, I find swimming always helps because it releases stress and takes a lot of energy that leaves you with not much left for other things... :
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The main point is to have a clear plan what you want to do on Motzei Shabbos to keep yourself as busy as possible.(I don't think it is a problem of Meichin M'Shabbos L'Chol all the planning
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Yitzchok
(I don't like to much the subjects name, it sounds like it has a bit of yiush in it which is terrible)
Dear Icandothis and Yitzchok,
It seems tome that the tactic of getting too busy or getting tired out with exercise so that lusting is edged out, is really a good thing in disguise. I'd like to remove the disguise. I think that be"H this can actually broaden your options by framing this stuff into a greater context.
You say Motzoei Shabbosos are a problem, and your eitzo is to get busy or too tired to act out. I relate! For Saturday nights were the night my parents would go out and I'd be home watching TV and eventually masturbating, basically. But I think
getting busy works for a very different reason than you are implying:
It's
getting busy with real life that helps me the most with my lust. And that's great....but it's more than 'great' -
it is the real thing. And that is why it works for me - the
only reason jogging or getting busy works. It's really what avodas Hashem (life) is all about.
As long as 'getting busy' is seen as 'running away from my problem', it's missing the point and will not work well for me. For in thinking "I am doing this to escape from ending up masturbating again!" I am really running
toward obsession. The entire thing is just more obsession in disguise...
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But if my attitude is "I am being busy living the life I want to live because this is my life and I am going to enjoy it and do it right," - a wholesome life of exercise, time with friends, learning, chessed, useful fun - that is
living the life He is giving me to the fullest. And that's where real recovery leads, too. It's why there is nothing about staying sober from alcohol in
any of AA's steps, nothing at all about refraining from drinking - just all about getting sanity, honesty, friendship with my own G-d, with the people He puts in my life and peace with myself. That is, learning how to live the real life.
As the Divrei Chayim (hakadosh) wrote: when the good stuff becomes more prominent, the bad stuff just falls away.
This is really about
growing up, rather than about fighting any battles with "the yetzer hora".
It's our
porning and masturbating and sexing that are our
escaping. Running or getting real busy is
not the escaping, but the engaging in real life! And that's it's only real power for me and others...if it has any, at all. And when it fails to help us, I submit that it is because we have it all reversed - and we are viewing the healthy activities as
an escape of some kind. If we are doing that, then that means we are subtly establishing lusting as our
real life (the context), and 'getting real busy' as a distraction from it.
That path eventually fails miserably for anyone I know. For, at best it is just putting off the inevitable for a night. Like holding our breath again. I'd rather win and learn to breathe, than just hold my breath, bear down and 'do battle' - even if I may win occasionally.
Make sense? It's the difference between a good
tool, and a good
path. It's a fine line, but it works for me, so far.
- Dov