Fantastic! ;D
have a beautiful and sweet shabbos

Eli

I'm at day 7 and its getting a little hard. With all the stress with shidduchim and college and keeping a yeshivah schedule, I feel I need to take it easy. I'm giving myself an hour off my schedule to just relax.

Keep it up!!

and make sure to get a daily power boost from GYE!

Hatzlocho Rabbo!!!

today was day 9. Baruch Hashem I was able to go through motsei shabbos okay. It was hard but I pulled through.
good night all

I am posting now with embarrassment because I fell on Motsei Shabbos. I found out what i need to do. Because I took a nap on Shabbos, I stayed up till late(3am). And out of boredom I fell. I have to either not take a nap or be accountable to somebody that I will go to bed at latest 12:30. So now I am at day 2.

your on your way back up

Many guys here have shared that they find motzei Shabbos particularly challenging. Sounds like you understand the main issue (too much unstructured time).

I used to find Motzei Shabbos a very hard night too (especially in the winter) and I fell many times on that night. The reason I believe is what AlexEliezer wrote a “post ago”.
What I did to battle the problem is,

1. I try hard not to sleep too much Shabbos afternoon especially in the winter because that gives me way too much time Motzei Shabbos.

2. I made it my job to wash the dishes at home or some other house job, if that is not possible I go swimming. (By the way, I find swimming always helps because it releases stress and takes a lot of energy that leaves you with not much left for other things... :)

The main point is to have a clear plan what you want to do on Motzei Shabbos to keep yourself as busy as possible.(I don't think it is a problem of Meichin M'Shabbos L'Chol all the planning )

Yitzchok

(I don't like to much the subjects name, it sounds like it has a bit of yiush in it which is terrible)

Thanks Yitzchok
I'm trying to think of things to do doing Motsei Shabbos. It shouldn't be that hard being in Yeshiva. I just have to ask other guys what they're doing. Good idea, maybe I'll go running so I tire quicker.
Chaim

Btw I chose this title because for me it's like saying to the Y"H, "I've had enough I'm putting my foot down".

Icandothis wrote on 22 Nov 2012 00:12:


The yetzer hara doesn't do the averah for you, it just advocates. It always makes it look the averah is brand new, juicy, with no negative side effects. But you are the one who says "you are right." It's probably the yetzer ha-ra that wants to scream at you "stop saying yes already."

It's a mental con.

jewish wrote on 20 Nov 2012 21:30:

Dear Icandothis and Yitzchok,

It seems tome that the tactic of getting too busy or getting tired out with exercise so that lusting is edged out, is really a good thing in disguise. I'd like to remove the disguise. I think that be"H this can actually broaden your options by framing this stuff into a greater context.

You say Motzoei Shabbosos are a problem, and your eitzo is to get busy or too tired to act out. I relate! For Saturday nights were the night my parents would go out and I'd be home watching TV and eventually masturbating, basically. But I think getting busy works for a very different reason than you are implying:

It's getting busy with real life that helps me the most with my lust. And that's great....but it's more than 'great' - it is the real thing. And that is why it works for me - the only reason jogging or getting busy works. It's really what avodas Hashem (life) is all about.

As long as 'getting busy' is seen as 'running away from my problem', it's missing the point and will not work well for me. For in thinking "I am doing this to escape from ending up masturbating again!" I am really running toward obsession. The entire thing is just more obsession in disguise...

But if my attitude is "I am being busy living the life I want to live because this is my life and I am going to enjoy it and do it right," - a wholesome life of exercise, time with friends, learning, chessed, useful fun - that is living the life He is giving me to the fullest. And that's where real recovery leads, too. It's why there is nothing about staying sober from alcohol in any of AA's steps, nothing at all about refraining from drinking - just all about getting sanity, honesty, friendship with my own G-d, with the people He puts in my life and peace with myself. That is, learning how to live the real life.

As the Divrei Chayim (hakadosh) wrote: when the good stuff becomes more prominent, the bad stuff just falls away.

This is really about growing up, rather than about fighting any battles with "the yetzer hora".

It's our porning and masturbating and sexing that are our escaping. Running or getting real busy is not the escaping, but the engaging in real life! And that's it's only real power for me and others...if it has any, at all. And when it fails to help us, I submit that it is because we have it all reversed - and we are viewing the healthy activities as an escape of some kind. If we are doing that, then that means we are subtly establishing lusting as our real life (the context), and 'getting real busy' as a distraction from it.

That path eventually fails miserably for anyone I know. For, at best it is just putting off the inevitable for a night. Like holding our breath again. I'd rather win and learn to breathe, than just hold my breath, bear down and 'do battle' - even if I may win occasionally.

Make sense? It's the difference between a good tool, and a good path. It's a fine line, but it works for me, so far.

- Dov

wow amazing stuff

Use it. It's free.

Dov just beautiful as always, but for a start to get off the blocks and to be able to get a stability to think his next move I think what I wrote will help.

Dov by the way the Kotzker Rebbe (or maybe the Reb Bunim M'Pershischa) said that he hopes his chassidim will be so busy that they will not have time to do aveiros.

Yitzchok

jewish wrote on 22 Nov 2012 16:55:


OK...so here goes. The gemorah has a klal: "ein apotropus l'arayos."

There is no amount of busyness or 'supervision' that will guarantee stopping me. And the tzaddik was speaking to normal people, not addicts. Addicts - unless they are in recovery - truly believe they need their drug. People do not usually believe they need to do aveiros, of course. It's just a different situation.

PS. When I once shared the distinction between the tool vs the path with my wife, she suggested that even if a person does wholesome things for any reason, it's good for them, and will be a help of some kind.