from ur post i see that u are only addicted to watch ssa not do it i think u will only have a problem of doing it with your wife if u get aroused by women but its a problem with lust i noticed alot of sa have a problem with ssa its a faze the body/lust needs new things . if i were u well im a a ssa i woudnt bother about it its the lust thats the problem make sure not to go futher with it

melost wrote on 27 Nov 2012 10:18:


I came across a website, I don't know how kosher it was for the oilam, it is called 'yourbrainonporn' if I recall correctly, and it basically made the same argument. This website was very against watching porn although ambivalent about mz"l. It actually recommended a 90 day break away period to cleans the brain from porn and not to masterbate in that time as well.

Anyway, on to my point!
It said what was so dangerous and addictive about internet porn was that the constant variety available gives you a spike in some brain drug that makes it more pleasureable and addictive. It also said because of this the brain is constantly seeking new and more 'extreme' (as defined by the porn watcher) types of porn to recreate this high. Furthermore in the search of this high, the brain is willing to try any type, even ss porn. It does not make the person a homosexual, just the brain searching for a new way to get high.

I read the book "The first day of the rest of my life" and I found it so true. this bochur was cought acting with another bochur from other yeshiva.

This is very interesting.. Ive heard lots of cases of yeshiva bochurim developing this SS issue. But why they develp it?

Maybe is because they have a great sexual desire (for women), but because they are religious guys and its explicit in the halocha that one cannot see women, they permit themselves to see or think about men.

I think this is very common, and I think this is what happened to me.

Whenever I saw a women, I would close my eves and try not to think about her, but because I closed myself so much, the lust had to be redirected to something else.

And that is how people develop SSA. I wasnt "born" with atraction to men, I developed it.

I think this is a very serious matter that many frum guys are developing, as MBJ said,
MBJ wrote on 27 Nov 2012 12:06:

Because we want to take out our sexual desire, we look for something else, because we know women are stricly prohibited.

Im happy we are getting to a point here.

What do you think? Is this the reason for SSA?

what book is "The first day of the rest of my life"? where can it be found?


Antartic wrote on 27 Nov 2012 17:37:

Snow wrote on 27 Nov 2012 17:56:


guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life

Antartic wrote on 27 Nov 2012 17:37:

I am not saying that this is always the case. It is certainly possible that some people have a natural proclivity toward ssa. I really don't know.

But for the case with someone who is not really attracted to men and prefers women in general, in the course of his porn surfing will check out ss porn, it is not necessarily because they are gay, they are just looking for a new way to get high off the porn. I know that when I was watching porn my feeling was well sex is sex.

Did u find yourself liking ssa p*rn even tho u are not ssa? MBJ wrote on 27 Nov 2012 19:14:

Snow wrote on 27 Nov 2012 19:31:


I started like that BTW... I never had a inclination towards men until I started seeing ss porn.

That is why I think what MBJ is saying is true.

Snow wrote on 27 Nov 2012 19:31:

I hate to admit it even on this anonymous forum, but without getting more explicit than necessary, basically yes as long as it was slightly masked, והמבין יבין.

I even once almost had a real experience with another guy and I had sort of fantasized about sexual acts with guys when I was younger. Only by the grace of G-d did nothing happen. (My roomate walked in before anything did.) From then on I realized how stupid I was for getting so close and I never did again. At that point I also stopped fantasizing. But as for watching well that continued sometimes.

And the funny thing is at no point in my life have I ever been attracted to a guy on the street, or a guy friend of mine, never, as opposed to being at least somewhat attracted to any girl I see between the ages of 16 and 50. But like I said, sex is sex, and in an all guys high school and an all guys yeshiva, they are the ones who are available. So despite my watching ss porn, I never feared that I really had ssa.

MBJ wrote on 28 Nov 2012 10:24:


Dont you think that someone who sees continuosly ss porn (and likes it) will subsequently develop these attraction for guys in the streets? (Even he didnt have that attractions before)

Antartic wrote on 28 Nov 2012 16:55:
yes as addict it can lead us to all places even ones we never dreamt of in our lives and said me doing that never

OK guys I have a new question...

As I have started this inclination towards men, and I am stopped being interesed in women... would it will be permitted to me in some way to look at women?

In some way, maybe I could fix the SSA problem.

Looking at women is not going to "cure" you SSA. working on your SSA is going to help you with that.

Ive fallen again... I feel like killing myself, its kind of harder now to recover... before I joined GYE I used to fall and recover easily (after few hours), now that im trying to get up again its much much harder because I destroyed all the work I did. I fell so stupid

I dont even want to get out of bed

I know the feeling when I got to 23 days one time and I fell, I didn't want to get out of bed. Is there some incentive that you can give yourself to get you up? Don't give up, you can do this.