I just went on a Jim weekend which helps with ssa issues if anyone wants more on this message me I think it's very crucial for the journey

I developed serious SSA problems since I started watching. And every day is worse. I need to stop, but I cant control myself

Since you started watching what?

quote=Antartic link=topic=5759.msg148379#msg148379 date=1353628939]
I developed serious SSA problems since I started watching. And every day is worse. I need to stop, but I cant control myself
[/quote]

I started with regular p*** but I felt I needed more, more than regular so I started looking for something else. And that's how I started developing a SSA problem.

Now it is something I carry every day, on one side I can't look at women (issur) and in the other side, I suppose I can't see men either...

I just want to get back to normal, I'm not homosexual and surely I don't want to, but is there any hope I can get back to normal? I think the yetzer of seeing this kind of p*** is stronger than the regular one.

Thx for listening

I am seeing a bunch of posts lately about same sex attraction. I get the feeling that we are more uneasy about same sex porn than about other-sex porn.

I developed some attraction for men when I was a kid. I grew up in a liberal family and I thought that liberal is good and conservative is bad, so I figured the more attractions i develop the better off I am. I have an irrational belief that sex is bad, I used to act out fantasizing about being on top with women, and on the bottom with men, to counter-balance them, because I also have a belief that being mean is bad. Through all the acting out I started finding some men attractive.

The key here is to realize that you are not your yetzer ha-ra. You have a choice. Your yetzer ha-ra just presents the case. Allegedly it was put there by Hashem, so it doesn't make sense to feel bad about having it, just as it doesn't make sense to feel good about your inborn abilities, you didn't put them there.

The key behavior change is to remind yourself that you have a choice not to lust, and then move on to something else. Again, first remind yourself that you have a choice, then move on. Following this sequence will cause you to take notice later that you did choose to move on. If you do that you will dispel the unfounded belief that the attraction is too strong for you, and you will no longer be a slave to your feelings.

When I am about to act, or fall, there is no way I can choose to say no. All the times that I start seeing same sex porn, Im concious that it is not the right thing to do, and I ask myself to please dont do it... But it is just too strong. There is no way I can stop once Ive started looking.

In the only situation I can choose to stop, is before starting looking or thinking, but once Ive seen even one picture, I dont believe there is a way to stop.

I dont know if everybody feels the same when looking regular porn, but as I said before, I thing the same sex porn is much stronger.

I can control it when there is nothing that turns me on, but now a days the street is filled with those images, so sometimes I dont even choose to start, and I doubt there is bechira.

Thx for listening,

Shabat Shalom!

Antartic wrote on 23 Nov 2012 17:39:


YUP!

But first you have to really want to stop. Then you have to be willing to stop, to give up lusting, be it for men or women.

When I was actively porning, I occasionally thought about looking at men (especially when I made a shvua not to look at untznius images of women). Lust is lust. But I knew if I started it would lead to a new problem, so baruch Hashem I kept away.

Ashreicha that you decided not to start it. Its amazing how this takes you to that...

I mean, is there logic in this? Why seeing too much women can take you to wanting see men now? Its against our nature!

I find it very interesting. How did I change my desires for women to men??

There is a Ramban in chumash that discusses this concept. I think its by the Arayos. Hatzlacha
Gut shabbos

Antartic wrote on 23 Nov 2012 17:39:


That's why you never stop. But this belief is just a mental con, if you remind yourself that you can stop and then look back later you will quickly debunk this untrue belief, and the self-fulfilling prophecy will end.

Originally you made up this belief to save your pride, and then you couldn't stop. Having no choice means it's not your fault, but it also means you cannot stop.

I felt the same as you for about thirty years.

Machshovo wrote on 20 Jun 2012 20:43:

ssa and sa is the same thing lust sex addiction in a diffrent from and im ssa as well

I give up, I can't do it. I just keep falling. I don't have the koach.
:'(

Hey! I can't go 5 days without looking at things much worst than men with men! I always come back because I don't give up! I am a suicidal 16 year old sex addict, but I still come back! If all you can do is go in a cycle of falling and posting than do it. Eventually, some of these things Dov and nederman say will sink in and you will do a little better. Even if you don't have a clean day for a month, come here and talk about it! That is what I did! Just don't give up!!!!!

Ya know, reb Yid, thats exactly the tayna of the hiloynishe chevre.. its to hard. i cant keep it. and so on.

its not an option. we have to do it. ashreynu.