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Struggling with Keri
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Struggling with Keri 1702 Views

Re: Struggling with Keri 10 Oct 2012 19:16 #145771

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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I guess on the simple level it shows that the "systems" are working, similar to the other things mentioned there (sleep, sweating, sneezing etc.)

BTW welcome aboard Mr. K!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Struggling with Keri 10 Oct 2012 22:33 #145802

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All through years of masturbation, I never once had keri.
I stopped for two weeks- bam.
I stopped for two months- had keri 4 times in that period.
This seems like it's a good sign, I'd think.

Re: Struggling with Keri 11 Oct 2012 03:37 #145817

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That was very witty, and geshmak. But the good sign of a sick person probably means that his fever is breaking or something like that. After all, the shulchan aruch mentions a guy who has a wet dream on Yom Kippur and mentions that it is a very bad sign...but then writes that if this guy ends up surviving that year it is a sign that he is a tzaddik.

But I thank Hashem every day that I dropped my worries about keri years ago, and had only one episode of it in the past 12-13 years. Worrying about it is a huge error, as the sforim say. The ikkar is not keri or no keri - but how we react to it when it happens, and how small-minded we are. The poor guys who get all wrapped up in their keri and their teshuvah from it are probably the most self-centered holy-men in the world. I know, for I was one myself for about fifteen years.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Struggling with Keri 12 Oct 2012 06:45 #145980

  • lipa.bob
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Hi there!
I heard that learning before one goes to sleep is great-the more the better. I heard beshem the Ari z''l to learn a number of hours before you go to sleep. I guess learn the max. you can and Iy''h all will be good!
Ive also have read from a certian Rabbi who wrote that a great thing is to put a picture of a great Rov/Gadol in your room.

Do the max. you can do and HASHEM will help!
Good Luck

Re: Struggling with Keri 12 Oct 2012 11:08 #145991

  • dont give up
just to add,
i think is not so important the amount of hours learnt, but mainly that we're fully involved in the learning,
could be even for just 10 min, but you're involved in torah (and something which is beyond all this stuff).

another suggestion,
maybe, once your in bed, think over what you learnt, and be'h you'll fall a sleep with good thoughts...

(no need to think about if it'll happen or not, cause if you're thinking about it - directly or indirectly - is no good, b/c you're still involved with it)

Hatzlocho Rabbo & B'suros tovos!

Re: Struggling with Keri 12 Oct 2012 15:03 #146008

  • LookingForwardToChange
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Just a good idea is: To read the GYE chizuck emails in bed before going to sleep like i do every night,

I can have wet dreams, but when i wake up wet i say to myself "The hack with it, i won't get depressed because i didnt do anything wronge" and just move on.

Good Luck!

Re: Struggling with Keri 12 Oct 2012 15:22 #146016

That's a gevaldigeh attitude! Hopefully others will learn from you and not get carried away and go crazy about such issues that should really be ignored.

MT

Re: Struggling with Keri 12 Oct 2012 16:27 #146025

  • reallygettingthere
I remember the first time a had a long clean streak, the whole Elul. I felt really proud of myself... and had keri the second night of Rosh Hashana.

I was devastated. I had even been up to a point where i was resisting advances from people in dream (hard to believe) but then that keri really got me down.

My attitude to respond was that I hadn't davened enough and hadn't given hashem enough credit for my success (i hadn't) and hashem was reminding me that we ultimately need his help if we want to overcome "Ilmalei HKBH ozro einu yachol lo"

Re: Struggling with Keri 17 Oct 2012 07:03 #146254

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How are you doing Kashalti I wonder if blessing the "ploni" worked, since I have had similar problems or better yet, have similar problems?

Re: Struggling with Keri 18 Oct 2012 03:00 #146304

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reallygettingthere wrote on 12 Oct 2012 16:27:

I remember the first time a had a long clean streak, the whole Elul. I felt really proud of myself... and had keri the second night of Rosh Hashana.

I was devastated. I had even been up to a point where i was resisting advances from people in dream (hard to believe) but then that keri really got me down.

My attitude to respond was that I hadn't davened enough and hadn't given hashem enough credit for my success (i hadn't) and hashem was reminding me that we ultimately need his help if we want to overcome "Ilmalei HKBH ozro einu yachol lo"

Devastated.

I am very sorry for you that you had to have such a devastation from having a wet dream. There is no rishon or acharon that ever supported the idea of a yid becoming 'devastated' because of wasting sperm in his sleep. And if you look at porn or fantasize about women during your day, then that is your problem - not the sperm coming out. It's just that the wet dream we take so much more seriously (and get devastated) because something comes out - something 'really happens'. Sperm. So it makes us feel guilty. Poor us. We can't ignore it like we do the fantasy and obsession, lah dee dah...

Yet our obsession with childish worshiping (that is what it is: worship) of pretty women does not bother us as much simply because it seems not to be 'real'. So we get all bent out of shape when our sperm comes out. Gevalt. It's all self-centered religious ritual mumbo-jumbo and not much more.

And all the while we never grow up, because we are too busy 'becoming kedoshim'...

These are hard words, I know. But maybe they mean something useful right now to you - a man who is being even harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be.

Hatzlocha chabibi!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Struggling with Keri 18 Oct 2012 03:28 #146306

  • strugglingandstrivngBT
Dov, with all due respect, and not that I think your point is null nor void, but the kitzur shulchan aruch does mention that one should recite a short tefillah with a despondent heart (granted, not exactly the same as devastated, though I do forget the exact loshon) after awakening from a "baal keri"/wet dream. I dont mean to jut at the hashkafic point of your post, just the halachic.

Re: Struggling with Keri 18 Oct 2012 03:38 #146308

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But if the Kitzur would see what the heads are that we are walking around with all day long, he would admit that the battle needs to be shifted. Sperm on the ground is far less important that thinking through our penises all day long. That's being an animal or a shoteh. And animals and shotehs are not bar mitzvahs at all. I believe with my whole heart that the Kitzur would agree that focusing on keri is ikkar choser min hasefer.

That's one thing.

But more to the point you raise, which is a good one, of course a yid should recite the prayer with feeling. Of course it should bother us that we came to this dirty point. And when it has happened to me it was upsetting - but I choose not to get carried away by it. My point was that to become devastated with this - is not even Jewish.

It is ruining ourselves because we have a blemish, which is just silly. Silly is part of avodas Hashem?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Struggling with Keri 18 Oct 2012 22:57 #146368

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And one more prat. It is typical even in tzaddkim and their drochim, to go to an extreme when there is a pattern they are trying to counteract. For example, the chassidishe emphasis on dancing and simcha is frowned upon by some good Jews. But perhaps the Ba'al Shem's extremism in these things was due to the facts on the ground: yidden feel crappy. They feel they are forsaken. They feel they are not really with Him.

We feel that way, too...

It does not matter if the reason we feel that way is a pogrom (Chmielnitzki) or if it is that we don't 'measure up' (we just masturbated). We must not give up, period. Otherwise all is lost, c"v. And as long as there is a G-d, there is hope for great things. When our emotions tell us otherwise, even though theologically we say "yes, there is a G-d," then it is time to go to extremes. To be happy without a real oisgehalten 'reason' for it. And dance!

Kitzur is referring to an aberration for a typical yorei Shomayim. If we are repeat offenders, then the rules need to change - or we lose the entire package. This is poshut.

This does not require a ho'roas sho'oh - I am not saying not to do teshuvah! I am not saying not to regret that we screwed up. But I am saying the emphasis needs to be changed. What we focus on needs to change - because we go to the other (stupid) extreme.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: Struggling with Keri 18 Oct 2012 23:04 #146369

  • strugglingandstrivngBT
I agree 100%. I've been upset by people doing similar to what I did, only with less respect than I attempted to show. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do teshuvah on that too!

Re: Struggling with Keri 25 Oct 2012 04:19 #146621

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reallygettingthere wrote on 12 Oct 2012 16:27:

I had even been up to a point where i was resisting advances from people in dream (hard to believe)

It's interesting that you mention that. I've often thought about training myself for lucid dreaming so that I can make a clear decision when my mind encounters a temptation to not get involved. Often we have hirhurim about people during the day, and then our hirhurim become a dream-reality at night (which a good reason to avoid prolonging the hirhurim that we have as onsim during the day). If we can avert them well, our dream-reality people can't touch us, because we have said "NO" and determined the reality as a holy one. I find that this helps stop avoidable keri.

Any tips? Like maybe we should meditate on a mantra of "My soul is holy and you can't touch it."
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