oy, Meir..thank You for this lines.

How are you doing ?
ma hadash?

Busybusybusy.
I hope it's a good thing.

Hi, everyone, this is an update.
Yup, an update. Vihamyvin Yovin (I think that doesn't include anyone on GYE).

B"H, Three weeks worth of days, today.
Shabbos was a bit tough. I was yelled at by my brother for overreacting to a couple of Halachos in Simon Ayin-Hei in Mishna Brura. Nu. I don't think I was...
I'm averaging 15 GYE texts a day now, not sure when my phone got so busy... Unfortunately, I am usually too busy to answer right away, but that's life, and it won't get less busy...
Finally got around to updating my kabala, tightened some holes, etc. I'm much happier as a result- it's a form of freedom.
Hatzlacha, all!

Meir

Hi everyone. Meir here. Just blown over by Chasdei Hashem, and I wanted to say so. 25 days Hashem has gifted me with. I daven Hashem will give me today as well.
Have a pleasant, clean, calm, useful day.

Meir

ken yehi rotzon.

k"o (=25) omar haShem, zacharti lach chesed ne'urayich.

behatzlacha. R"T

E-Tek wrote on 08 Jul 2012 19:11:


I dont know if this is still an issue for you but I would have this happen to me as well and I noticed it was when I went to bed on a full stomach (and I mean like stuffed, some might call it achila gasa "tomato, toemato" y'know what I mean?

So I started staying up a little bit after the meal, let the food digest and it pretty much went away... also watch out for sleeping on your back or stomach

Good evening everyone.
I have been slipping, and I have to tell you this so I can move past it. I rationalized some minor stuff as being worth my fine. Every time that happens, I up my fine. Okay.
I looked at some book covers, mags, some borderline text... Caught myself pretty quickly. It didn't help that GYE was down at the crucial moment, though I acknowledge that my recovery should not hinge on GYE.
I'm think this was because of some sipping on the street, so I have to daven more often, maybe make some phone calls.
My major problem is I'm being held to a major secret, for a full week and a half already and the upcoming week and a half. It eats away at my honesty I've had with GYE folk and my mother. So, I half-told two GYE friends, and I want to speak to one of them in voice and say the whole thing.
Also, I just invited one GYE person for supper one night this week. I'm waiting for him to respond. Anyone in Brooklyn is also invited to reach out to me (for this or just talk/text).
29 days clean, BS"D.
Thanks for listening, and have a good night.
Nervous (with anticipation) Meir

I would include the following activities into your DAILY routine, so that your desease is always on notice, even if GYE is down:
1. Daven in the beginning of the day that Hashem keeps you sober for another day. Verbalize your own commitment to staying sober. Don't wait for the temptations, make it a part of your shacharis, or even pre-shacharis.
2. Read some recovery material every day. Chizuk emails, GYE Handbook, Whitebook, Elyah's wonderful threads (Additional Tools for recovery; Big Book Study).
3. Reach out: make at least two calls everyday to people who are living in the solution. Make one phone call (or a text message or pm) to someone who's new and can use encouragment. But prioritize as above: stick with the winners, put more effort into staying sober and in being in touch with sober people; and give a little bit of yourself (for now) for others.
4. Take good care of your body: eat well, excersize. Don't get Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Spells HALT: if you're feeling any of those things, stop (halt) what you're doing and fix that. Eat something if you're hungry; stop, breath, and think if you're angry; call someone if lonely; rest if you're tired.
Hatzlocho,
Mottel

Mottel, thanks for your advice. It rings true.
Unfortunately, I have little control over the tired part, but I'll try to apply your advice elsewhere.
Today was much better. Spent more productively.
I finally met someone in person, we had supper. Spoke for about an hour. IY"H will meet more often.

Have a good night, everybody!
Meir

Geshmak to hear real people doing real stuff. It really is!

Mainly to reinforce my own accountability, I am posting the most current version of my kabala.
Also, it is worth mentioning that I never used taphsic- a kabala has been sufficient, and I am downright absolutely petrified of making a neder at all. (I learned Nedarim/Shvuos with my Rebbe... and he scared the living daylights out of me ever making one. However, if I felt I was unable to keep to a plain kabala, I would probably have made one regardless. But to my knowledge I have not gone back on my kabala.)

There is no need for the forum to read this, I posted it for my own use.
Meir

Renewal Clause: This kabala renews automatically, every Motzei Shabbos, unless it was modified or removed before Shabbos.

My prevention clause (which limits my time on the computer in advance of daily responsibilities) is temporarily out of service due to summer camp. However, it costs me $5 to be doing anything other than work or GYE past 10:30PM.

Temptation Clause: When I remember the consequences:
Before doing anything in this clause, I will say a verbal tefila OR Read my list of reasons not to act out OR Run around the block. If I don't, it will cost me $20 within 72 hours. If I do and then trip this clause, I will pay $10, and speak to my Rebbe if it was m***.
This clause is broken if I do any "poison browsing" for more than 3 minutes on any given day, open a picture for lust, watch a movie not in the presence of friends or family.
Using any non-K9 image search when not in someone else's presence is $100.
Intentional arousal is $1 aside for any of the above.

E-Tek wrote on 26 Jul 2012 13:22:


Thanks for sharing that brilliant idea. Many of us (icluding myself) have this problem of how to deal with expiration dates on vows. On one hand, it makes no sense to make a vow forever. But on the other hand, a vow with an expiration date can be danger lurking just around the corner (and how many times do we feel we just can't wait for the vow to expire...). Your idea solves all these issues so nicely.

Shkoyach & hatzlacha

MT

Reb Eliezer- I had that idea right away, but the fact is that starting off even that felt like too much. I wasn't able to do it until I fell after a count expired (and the whole time I said it wouldn't happen to ME)...

I am kind of bewildered. My slips get worse. My willingness even to take preventative measures is all but gone. This is the happiest time of my life, but I can't deal with the lust. Somehow my positive sobriety (if I had any) has turned into total negative sobriety, as in my kabala is the only thing stopping me, and I will exploit any loophole.
Someone with experience, please help me. I don't know what I'm doing.

And on that note... TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAA!
Have a pleasant clean wonderful day!
Meir

Oh, right. And B'Chasdei Hashem, two times chai days clean. At least according to GYE rules.

Impressive you're staying clean despite being out of touch with why you're doing this.

I'm not a big fan of Taphsic because it externalizes the struggle. It becomes about the knaas instead of being about living a real, sober life because that is what true happiness requires. Not saying you should give up your kabalas, just that you should know it's a crutch to get you walking the walk for real.

This isn't easy. Overcoming any addiction is murder. That's why so many people still smoke.

Keep on trucking friend. One day at a time. And stop slipping, OK?

I know it's a crutch... I wouldn't have gotten this far without, nor will I get to a point where I won't need it without it...
Stop slipping! Okay.
Hashem, can you help me not slip today?