im 15 years old. i got back from learning at shul at around 1030 every night. amost every night i have an urge to go on the computer. my mom is urging me to go to sleep early, because i go to bed around 200 due to this addiction(my mom doesnt know). im too scared to tell anyone. i gave my laptop to my mom but i ask her at night can i use it for a second, and i stay up till 2. i dont know what to do! for almost 3 years ive been struggling and its only gotten worse.luckily i never started actually masturbating but ive orgasmed around 7 times.  each time i am KILLING a child. i feel so bad when i do it and also for the time that i could have spent  learning.

what could i do to relieve tthe stress. thats the cause of this addiction. i put up filter with the filter gabbai however i got around it.  im confused and dissappointed

also i actually have care when i walk in the streets i dont look at girls. howver when i get home, im in a different world. i go to an empty room and i do whatever i want.
please help me,, im drowning,.

Abie14,
I disagree with the title of your thread. You became part of GYE, your'e not lost.
Maybe try for just one night not to go on to the computer, tell yourself that even though the Y"H is stronger than you and tommorow or the next day you'll for sure fall again, but today I am going to make sure to remain a true עבד השם. Work on living only in the immediate present. LIttle by little you will see that Hashem really can help you stay clean, the bigger picture of the past and future leave to him, concentrate only on the "now". If you fall no need to get down 'cause thats the past, if you worry about all the endless seemingly insurmountable nisyonos that will confront you just remind yourself that the future is none of your buisness.
Sounds easy? it's not, "one day at a time" is a principle the Y"H will do everything to prevent you from learning because he knows it willl help you beat him.
I'm also relatively new here, I'm really just sharing one of the ideas iv'e learned from the chevra, stay tuned - listen and grow from the real experts around here.
Hatzlochoh!
Your Brother,
MB

I know what you feel, i am very good at walking in the street and not looking, but once i get home at night, then i get the urge but i dont have an urge the rest of the day.

Hi - good to see that you have found your way to such holy grounds.

Anyways im 17 years old and ive been in that position of yours of having an urge to go on an ipad or laptop before bed time - and by me it was till 3:30AM. so there is one method that i dont think can help you overcome the addiction but it can surely help on this point that you speak about.

Lets face it its going to be extremely difficult on say night 1 to just go to bed straight after learning since the yetzer hora has created this unexplainable desire in you to entertain yourself till the late hours every night. Try whenever the desire to surf bad stuff comes up to rather play computer games or funny youtube videos(though its hard to draw a line between kosher and non kosher videos). This way you will be distracted from viewing the tumah. and if you eventually decrease your time every night you will find that the desire will slowly diminish. Remember rather spend the whole night playing some stupid computer game that watching tumah for 10 minutes and going to bed early.

Hatzlacha and tizke lmitzvot!!!

One day you will be up till 3:30 a.m. every night trying to figure out a mishan or understand a tosafos.  So your koach and determination will one day used for a good cause.  believe in yourself, believe in H" and it will all work out be'hava.

When I was 13, I also discovered "the Other Side", and in my day there was no internet or chat forums to find a cure.  I was so paranoid about the damage, both physical and spiritual, I was doing to myself.  I went to the library at looked at Encyclopedia for guidance on the subject of what adolescents go through, etc but I found nothing!!  Fortunately there is now forums like these.

The main thing to work on, IMHO, is joy.  finding out what is bothering you.  Do you have friends you can confide in and tell everything to, people who will not use it against you.  This is such an important thing to have.  A trusted friend.  Of course you have to be careful and use the sechel that H" gave you to make sure your friends are trustworthy.

what is your relationship like with your parents?  can you talk to them about your concerns about computer use?  maybe they'll help you and find activities for you that are more active so you'll be tired at night and just go to sleep?

WELCOME abie!  You are in the right place.  Read the handbooks etc.  We are all in the same boat.

one day at a time is the way to go
as an 18 yr old with the same problem
but your in the right place just komt with the rest of us and together bezrat hashem we will
get better

What is the cause of your stress?

First of all, welcome to the forum.  It's very brave of you to start posting here.

Secondly...

DesertLion wrote on 01 Apr 2012 11:35:


That's a good question--what's stressing you out in life?  (I don't mean the addiction, I mean life in general)

Also, what filter are you using?  Many filters (K9, for example, which is free) can be set to turn off internet access for certain blocks of time.  You might find that helpful (try 10pm to 8am).

Also, what else are you doing for recovery?  Have you downloaded and started reading (and applying) the GYE handbook?  Here's a page full of information for getting started:

www.guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here

Good luck, and keep on posting.

--Elyah

You u abiel I feel your pain I walk the streets during the day come home from yeshiva and end up on the computer watching things im not happy about so believe me when I tell you we all understand you hashem should help, I wish you alot of hatzlocha

Dear Abie.

Welcome and hatzlocho rabbah! I also started when I was 13 (approx). The only major difference is that I have been there for more than 40 years (lo aleichem). If I were to give you only one piece of advice based on my experience, it is "never give up hope!". Just keep trying and you will see much siyata dishmaya. I did not have GYE all these years, so I floundered on my own. Now that I discovered GYE, B"H my life is so much better - a difference of life vs death, hope vs dispair, and much much more. How fortunate you are to have found this site at so young an age. Please read the hand book from cover to cover and see where you fit in and what you need to do. Hafoch boh vehafoch boh dekulo boh!

Davening for your success

MT

I have a 16 year old son that has similar issues. B"H we have a close relationship and he confides in me when he slips. I try to be him mechazuk and that usually helps for a while. I believe it would be helpful to have a close person to talk to that would guide you whenever needed.

Would it be possible to go to a sleep away yeshivah where there will be no internet access. Of course the yeshivah will need to have good supervision. That way, the needs wont be so strong. You have to take away the computer totally in order to really be free.

Try reading at night instead, it releases stress and can calm you down until you become tired.

Whichever trick you use, we all wish you hatzlacha rabbah! I mean this so sincerely!

Did you try the Tapsik method?

Please understand how serious your problem is? on the other how lucky you are to work on it at this young age.

Get your self a mentor and a sponsor that you can confine with.

Good Luck.