Hey Mendy, good to see you're on the mend.

I have/had the same issues with MP's.  You describe the trigger as a stressful day, but for me it can be the opposite - everything is going great.  Then I find myself "restless, irritable and discontent".  And suddenly I'm in a dark place, literally and metaphorically, it feels great in the moment, then within 30 seconds, it's like, what the heck just happened, why did I do that.  H" now hates me, I'm doomed, chas v'shalom.  And the cycle repeats over and over.

Whether you have an addiction or not, only you can say.  It may take time, it may take bigger setbacks than you have currently experienced, including but not limited to: alienated and angry kids, spouse; financial problems; community disgrace, etc.  Most people have to hit some sort of "bottom" when they come here.  And that bottom has been "raised" thanks to GYE work.

Perhaps you can admit that your sexual problem is "maladaptive" in the sense that, most sane people deal with stress more productively.  They don't run to MP's.  If you have maladaptive sexual practices, the work then becomes how to correct them.  The method from this site has been tried, tested and true.

I'm not going to offer specific advice since I am pretty much in your boat and part of me still clings to the forbidden.  Even though I have not acted out in a long time, there is a deep part of me that still has not turned everything over to H".  I still feel as though if I can't handle something, I always have a place to go, i.e. the chambers of the Sitra Achra.  Why I have this belief only H" knows...  but it's my job to correct it, if I wanted to achieve my spiritual journey.

Kol tov bahava.  I'll PM you my number so you have a number to call.

Hey,
Just wanted to thank everybody for your input here,
BH I have been absolutely clean since my last terrible fall 39 days ago. This was the 3rd fall that I had since I got married, by fall I mean: this was the 3rd time that I have gone to fulfill my sexual desires somewhere outside my marriage. It made me realize that I really have a problem and I need to everything in my power to make sure this never happens again. I am afraid and concerned that this courage that I have now (39 days is a very long time for me to not even act out in my mind) may not last forever. How do I make sure that I continue with the right path that I am on now?

I find that what works for me is just thinking how terrible it is to do something that can god forbid hurt my wife and children. Also not over assessing the situation to much, the first few days are always very hard for me but once I am in the clean streak for a few days, it becomes very easy to control myself and stay clean. But how do I make sure that I never ever have a fall again?
I know from previous times that once I had a fall (by fall here: I mean masturbation) it was very hard for me to get clean again, and just one fall led me down the terrible path to internet porn and eventually back to another MP. I will never do this again and I need your help to make certain of that!

Mazal Tov on 39 days! You must be doing many things right to have gotten this far!

The GYE handbook lists many layers to help us break free. It suggests that we keep adding until the point that control/recovery is achieved. For me personally, i have recently added a TaPhSiC neder to get me past a particular challenge and it has done wonders for me. Hope this helps you continue m'Chayil l'Chayil.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

You have to stay clean for yourself, not for anybody else.

Also, it is not control and courage that makes for long-term sobriety; It is humility and surrender.

--Elyah

Mendy wrote on 23 Apr 2012 03:13:


Mendy, you're doing great work.
It is really very helpful to take this one day at a time. Even 3 years out, I still think this way. All we ever have is today. Just get through today. Forever is just a bunch of todays.
Shteig on!
Alex

"Faith without works is dead". I think that means if we don't keep up meetings, prayer, meditation, personality inventory, etc, we're going to struggle with relapse time and time again.