so here it comes
on friday i was under a lot of pressure and i felt that wanting P&M is building up
i knew i shouldn't do it but i wasn't able to concentrate on anything and i knew that a few seconds and i will be free to go on..(yes i know it isn't real being free :-\)
and that is what happened :-\
(and again yesterday)

LT(failed)
i was on the way for another round. if i fell i might as well enjoy but HKB"H
told me to sit and write instead

Hi Last try,

You've found a better outlet for pressure and stress third time round! Keep on posting, anything is better than wasting seed.

TC,

DL

mishura meshachrer rak hamavet- so you might as well think of starting a "first" try, again
fresh..............

LT stands for "Let's Truck!!!!"

TehillimZugger wrote on 05 Mar 2012 12:22:

after i read the link about yankee doodle, do you know who wrote these inspiring words?
i need to think what exactly should i start again(except from not P&M)

LT(failed)

last try(hope) wrote on 05 Mar 2012 20:12:

what link about yankee doodle?
regarding the inspiring words:


and quit saying failed
gevura saidGevura ShebYesod wrote on 05 Mar 2012 14:44:

So what did I learn?

I learnt that I have to start being more offensive and not only defensive, because if I will be only defensive could come came a time that my defense wasn’t good enough and then I am beaten.

I learnt that I can’t do it my way- I need to do it in a proven way. B”H I will join a phone conference or SA or find a partner to talk to.

What did I already do?

I contacted k9 to tell them about the loophole that I used, unfortunately until now I kept it to myself (so I can have an outlet).

I made a ‘neder’ to get away from the place that is close to the loophole.

The funny thing is that for the sake of not losing a few bucks we will control our self, but when it is our sobriety we are a lot less careful. L

Maybe I need to answer myself better why except from HKB”H is P&M so bad assuming it doesn’t get worse by time.

What should I do when I know feel that until I M* I won’t be able to stop thinking about it and I have a lot of things to do? Should I burn the day?

i learnt that i have to keep going, if i think that with this tool or a different tool i am free i am absolutely wrong. as they say - life is like a bicycle ride, if it's easy you are going down hill, if it's hard you are going up hill and if you stop you fall..
so even though we are supposed to love HKB"H more then our money it looks like the opposite is happening. so i am 'noder' that if i fall in the next month i will give 150$ to gye. if before i fall i speak to a gye member it will be only 75$.
i am trying to think of a way to help the pressure release without building, i think most of the pressure builds when we are having arguments (me and wife).

Be"H we should all have a lot of HaZlacha

thanks for listening

LT(i will give it another 1)

p.s to truck when you need only a car is a big waste of fuel

your problem is that you are thinking.  And you continue to try to think your way out of this.  and it won't work.  it's a cycle of faulty thoughts that require action, not thought. 
The faulty thoughts and obsessions are most evident during a "rage", or a spiral, where the addicts thoughts are so consumed by his release that he cannot function.  It's the perfect opportunity for the addict to connect to Gcd, so submit his worst thoughts to his Higher Power.

If I can just STOP my thoughts and stop trying to control them, this that and the other, and just watch them, and make a decision to turn EVERYTHING over to GCD, that's where I see results.

Times when there is nothing but my mind engrossed in the fantasy and thought of releasing my urges... and yet, that is the darkness where I need to connect wit Gcd.  Not through thought, but through submission of heart, mind, and body.  I've endorsed prostration profusely, and maybe that will produce the results for some.  Like, lying on the floor during an obsession attack and just wait for Gcd patiently, to redeem you.  and to ask in words, how Gcd can I fulfill Your Will now, when my mind is no functional.

That is the challenge.  Stop thinking, start acting.  Surrender.

Last try,
There is something else you learned too. That the way to transform a fall into a ירידה לצורך עלייה is to learn from our mistakes. Keep on working and thinking, you can also work and think on surrendering (like ontheedgeman said).
MB