Hi Gesh,

Sorry mate, been taking loads of exams the past few months so haven't really been on GYE much. How have you been? Post whenever you want mate and I will reply if I see it.

Good news is that I haven't wasted seed since my last post. Bad news is that I have looked at porn on one occasion, but stopped after about 10-15 mins.

It wasn't carelessness, it all started with the most stupid things (which weren't porn at all) and seemingly justifiable reasons and one thing led to another. I knew in the absolute sense that it was wrong to look at naked women, but my curiosity was so powerful that I thought I'm going to do this anyway so I'll just satisfy my curiosity and never look again. WRONG attitude and fell for the Yetzer Hara. Got to stick to absolute standards.

Even though I didn't masturbate, I felt rotten for a couple of days afterwards like something inside had been damaged. Then re-read the handbooks and remembered where not guarding the eyes can lead you. I reckon it's something I need to do every month or so, just to keep the guard up. (Bit like military exercises and mock battles)

Hope you're well.

DL

DesertLion wrote on 14 Jun 2012 11:30:


In my humble opinion thats called being careless.

I sincerely believe that this is the key. staying sharp.
more to come

Hi Gesh,

Sorry for not keeping in touch more, been taking loads of exams in the past few months so not been on GYE much. How are you and what's your progress been like anyway?

Not wasted seed for almost 3 months now which is good, but did look at porn once in that time which is bad. It all started with something which was already borderline, but barely justifiable on 'educational grounds'. One thing led to another and before long I was looking at porn for about 10-15mins before I stopped. Even though I didn't fall I felt rough for a couple of days afterwards.

Defo think things are getting better in every way though. Let me know how you are please.

BW,

DL

DesertLion wrote on 14 Jun 2012 16:23:


Things are well. but I need to get myself learning more regularly. Im making it to shul in the morning, work is going well, but I need to learn and it requires a lot of will power, one of my weak spots.
Shabbos for example, I opened my eyes at 6 AM because I usually wake up at that time during the week. But since davening is later I had 2 hours. I wanted to get up and learn, but the YH to stay in bed and get more sleep overpowered me. In the afternoon also, I slept way too much and learned way too little.
I really believe that this is where all my problems start from, the acting out is a result of not having the will power for learning. it snowballs into much worse things. Like i said long ago, I have to fight the YH at the source on his territory before he comes to get me on my territory.
this is a major battle! Need lots of siyata dishmaya and your prayers!
KT
Gesher

Well last night I paid for being lazy and sleeping all shabbos.
I couldnt sleep!
so I took the bull by the horns
finished parshat hasavua
and then attacked a masechta that i have been putting off since pesachtime.
accomplished a whole daf
and finally got to sleep by around 4 AM !!
I'll pay for that one yet this evening.

Hi Gesh,

Admire your tenacity and determination mate and thanks for the pointer! I think it's more than just carelessness though - it started out as carelessness, but then it was allowing myself to deny truth for the sake of pleasure, which is why I think we fall.

I have trouble getting up early too, but the only way to do it without it being a battle in the morning (in my humble opinion ) is to go to bed early at night. Simple but effective!

Felt so horny just now and was going to start browsing on google, but came here instead. I've put a good book on my desk and a chinese textbook. Anytime I feel bored with work which is often, I'll start learning some chinese or reading the book instead. If I still feel randy as hell I think I'll have to leave the room and hit the weights. Everytime I win a battle I picture a Klipah being burnt off me.

Anyway have a gr8 weekend.

DL

DesertLion wrote on 17 Jun 2012 10:19:


good going DL!!!