I went 17 strong days and honestly im not depressed about it...ivee been reading alot of the attitude handbook and the 12 steps and i rlly believe they can help me. Also, the chizuk email sent out today really describes how to break free, how its a growing process, but i dont really understand so well what he meant, can someone explain this to me? thanks! and B"H i will break free whatever that means (if one year is called breaking free or when are u officially broken free...idk answer to that)

did you give 5 sheks?

good job on 17 days! you're right, it is a work in progress and change is slow, so as long as you're moving in the right direction, you'll be ok. Keep in mind that we're very likely to continue our fall for a long time before getting up again. We rationalize this by saying that if we're already down, we might as well enjoy ourselves fully.

Breaking free does not mean accomplishing a certain amount of time clean. If I tied your hands, spread your legs and blindfolded you and tied you up in a room for a couple years and you remained clean, I would not consider you having broken through and yet, that's exactly what so many people do when they first come to the forum. You'll break free only when you've changed sufficiently to be able to live a healthy life without the addiction or the fences you've put in place, getting in your way.

Keeping clean will not change who you are. Changing who you are will change who you are.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4579.msg133126#msg133126

but how do i break free? do i change my train of thought? do i admit im addicted...because i am addicted to porn..there i said it...and it still hurts me to say it but i can admit it...i dont really know to change is what im asking

Have you read the handbooks?  Do you have gedarim set up?  Have you spoken to a real person about it (at least over the phone)?  What specifically have you done for your recovery?

5shekvow wrote on 16 Feb 2012 22:22:


What does it mean to you to be addicted to porn,  what does it do to your life and what are you willing to do about it.

change is slow. Stop living in a fantasy future where you are perfect. That future won't come unless you make it happen moment by moment and you can't focus on the moment if you're focused on the future.

Changing yourself is not hard. You just need to pinpoint what you want to change, come up with a plan of how to change that particular thing and then get to work. I suggest that you get someone to help you make objective plans and decisions because like me, your brain is probably subservient to your heart a lot of the time.

You want to stop masturbating? I think your best bet is to try out the tools on GYE, including but not limited to attitude book, white book, 12 step phone calls, forum, shiurim.
I think this will help you b/c it's helped many other people.
I also think that you can be helped by following the suggestions of people who have been sober for a long time and you can look up to. Simple logic would dictate that if you want to get better, you should contact these people, become their friends and ask them how they dealt with these issues. Get them on the phone.

Re. change of character traits, you don't need the forum or GYE for that. Get the Rambam and some other books and they'll tell you the best way to go about it.
Changing your character traits should also help you in recovery.

Most of all, if you want to accomplish any change, always Daven b/c you can't do anything without His help.

All the best,

KH

KidusHashem wrote on 17 Feb 2012 05:07:

From what I understand, this is the point of a sponsor.  Most of us have been trying different "plans" for years.  "OUR" plans fail in large part because they are "OUR" plans.  As dov says "the fox guarding the hen house".  We need SURRENDER.  The first part of that is surrendering to what a sponsor tells us.  Surrender and humility are the core of the 12 steps (as I understand it).

5shekvow, as you said breaking free is a PROCESS. There's no quick fix that will sort you out overnight.

There's a saying that goes, "The Tzaddik falls 7 times and gets up 7 times" or something like that. The point is that falling is part of the learning process. When you fall it's like losing a battle in a war. You are forced to evaluate what you did wrong that allowed your enemy to beat you (TEMPORARILY).  Next time, if you learn from the experience, you will be on your guard and will not fall for the same trick.

It's only by falling and then strengthening your fences, and learning the nature of our beasts that we become better men. For some people it takes less time, for others it's a life-long battle.

For me, not being addicted means having control over my lust. I must be master over my animal passions and not the slave of base instinct. Hope that helps a bit.

BW,

DL 

thanks for all the help...ive decided im going to take 1 thing from the attitude hand book a day, i havent really internalized it ever...so i think 1 a day is sufficient that i can really understand...1 day at a time ...