Yoish! It's weird really, i wake up very early every morning to go to a shiur, daven with a  kol, have a shiur on the way to work, finish tehilim every week & have a shiur in the evening, why does this not protect me from my lust?

Many a times, it almost feels like the Y"H isn't even pushing me to act out, yet I do. I do believe that I need to speak to a professional, but the funds do not allow it and It's very embarrassing. I did speak to someone before about this, but he dismissed it as just curiosity. BUT I KNOW BETTER!

I just cant creep out of this hell

CHILL dude!

Use the material provided on this site, and slowly but surely, you'll get somewhere.
The way to get better is by really wanting to. Really wanting to means working. Hard. And falling sometimes. Yes Falling sometimes. There's no magic formula once you're addicted, it's hard work and rigorous honesty.

BTW- You say tehillim?
King David Rocks! doesn't he?

At least for me, it was never about Torah, Mitzvohs, shiurim, chevrusas, davening, etc.  i am addicted and so what if Mincha is in 20 minutes and i just heard a great shiur i want what i want.  Yeah, i'll feel terrible during Mincha if i make it in time or at all but that is "so later" what do i care about it, all that matters is now.  The yiddishkeit was something i did(do) because its the right thing to do and even sometimes what i want to do.  But above all else what i want to do is give in to my urges as frequently as i can. 
Now, for my reasons, i am fighting the urges with tools that are new for me but well proven over the decades.  They are working for me, B'chasdei Hashem, 100 days sober.  About 80 days more than i was ever able to manage on my own. 
If you can't stop then i don't think you need yiras Shamayim, i think you need to work the tools and see what they can do for you.  My problem, and maybe yours, is not a low amount of yiras shamayim it is lust addiction.  Read the Guidebook and see what steps you need to take for you.  Trying to use yiras shamayim to fix addiction is like trying to fix a flat tire with a hammer.  A hammer is a useful tool and very good thing to have, but it won't help you in a million years to fix a flat tire.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

It's really hard to live with that double life- Torah and davening, then P and M, sometimes within minutes of each other.  I hate that.  One of the things we see here is that a 'strong' connection to Torah does not stop P and M.  Being a part of this forum, and using the different resources here can make a life changing difference.
Good Luck and Hashem Emachem

Hey Needsy....

What is most important is what you want inside. No Davening, Shiurs or any other external influences are going to help you unless you genuinely want to stop acting out. Plus, you say that the YH may not be pushing you to act out but you still do. I used to do that all the time, because let's face it, it is VERY PLEASURABLE.

But, that pleasure literally costs you your life, so we're being robbed big time every time we act out. It took me to hit rock bottom before I was forced to admit it, but I'm sure you're a lot smarter than that and don't need to go through hell before you realise it's not worth it.

It's not true that you can't creep out of this hell. YOU CAN, you may only think that you can't. How do I know? Because I've done it and so have so many others and if we can then so can you. Plus, I'll share another secret with you - none of us are mighty malachim or some super men. We're just ordinary guys, but we're also more than that - we're human beings and we're men. So let's exercise the power of moral choice that we all have as humans. Take things easy and take things one step at a time. You may fall on the journey, but persevere and you'll get there.   

BW,

DL

Welcome, chaver!
This place is great for taking on this paarticular issue. Start with reading the GYE in the Nutshell (you find it on the home page), and come up with workable strategy, and you'll be successful b'Ezras Hashem.
Like some people told you already, the reason no amount of Toiro and Mussar can help you is because the problem you have is not of religious nature.
Of course the tools we use here are found in Toiro (like everything else), but the medicine dished out on GYE has been distilled and clearly labeled, so it's easy to use.
Be matzliach!
Mottel.

this is probably a chutzpadike question.If you are able to daven and learn and say tehillim everyday even though you are lusting so why stop lusting?It sounds like it is not such a problem for you.

okay I'm calling narishkite.  I think for most people, this disease DOES NOT LITERALLY KILL THEM.  Like prostate cancer, many men live long lives with it and never knew they had it.  Similarly, many addicts can live mediocre lives wasting hours watching porn, IT WILL NOT LITERALLY KILL THEM.  Time for someone to stop the distortion.

Exceptional cases like Dov and that breed of addict, maybe it was LITERALLY APPROACHING DEATH.  But those are extreme cases.  Yes, continuing to act out will cause a loss of helek in olam haba.  yes H" may exact vengeance on certain people, Gcd have mercy on us all, but who knows how and where.  literally, DEATH by PORN sites or by olive oil or cream on the male genitilia?  I don't think so. 

Spiritual death?  Yes, metaphorically.  An awful life, possibly.  Escalating problems in all areas of one's life, most likely. 

DEATH?  no, not literally, except for rare rare situations.

So what's your point? If it won't kill you it's not worth working on? I don't think that's what you meant.

We all have different things that motivate us. The only thing that counts is the genuine desire to improve ourselves, the willpower to find what works for us and stick with it, and the patience to give ourselves time to heal.

Gevura!

well then why would someone stop a really pleasuring stress reliefing power trip like lusting if It is only ruining him spritually-metaphorically.

Good question Showoff.  I guess that's proof that H" has planted a portion of Himself in all His children.

that part is the part that gets medicated when you lust because you feel as if you are connected when you are getting that stimulation of lust so that will not get you sober I think.

mechazek wrote on 09 Feb 2012 19:40:
Geshmak, true, bombshell. Now what will "needsyirasshamayim" respond to the truth in that? We all keep playing with our problem, till it really gets too bad for us to continue any longer. Guilt about 'not being good' will only get us a little itty bitty way.

It's gotta really hit me where it hurts, or it's just talk....and talk is cheap, for me.

this is probably a chutzpadike question.If you are able to daven and learn and say tehillim everyday even though you are lusting so why stop lusting?It sounds like it is not such a problem for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because, it means that all that I'm doing is G-D forbid meaningless. It's just "Things that I have to do" and that scares me the most.

We try all our life to be good G-D fearing Jews and the we realize that it was all a facade. I want that when I daven, it should solely to please Hashem. My learning and everything I do should be to please Hashem. I was that, for a short period of time AND I WANT IT BACK!

Just to be polite to my sweet friends here, this is to report that b"H all is well but I am taking a break from the forum for a while to focus on my own recovery. I will be checking email for PMs, though. The forum is just too much time for me to handle time-wise, right now. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months...no way to know, cuz it really is one day at a time. Love you!

Till then,

Dov