I feel like i've done everything...i've dovened, i've gotten filters....but when it comes to the moment, i feel like my ratzon is just not strong enough. what should i do?

Neshama, prayer and filters are one thing, but the key thing is what we really want ourselves. If we're not 100% determined to quit and to leave the addiction behind then no amount of praying, filters etc are going to save us. BUT you already knew that, it's putting it into action that's difficult. WHY? - bc for me and probably for a lot of other addicts it gave me immense pleasure and relief from my problems, insecurities, life and reality.

It took me 8 years of addiction, hitting rock bottom, and regret to the point that I wanted to commit suicide rather then pick up the pieces before I was forced to stop. It was only then that I realised what a total sucker I'd been; giving Satan everything good in my life in return for what? A few seconds of pleasure, a wrecked body, looks and intellect, failure in all that I did, humiliation from all sides and a hell of regret when I realised what I could have had and been.

You may think I sound extreme and it would never happen to you, but that's what I used to think about 'that loser over there', I'll NEVER end up like him. Several years down the line my own father was calling me a loser to my face in front of his friends. So the pain of purity is MILES better. AND things do get better and easier the more you persevere. The light will enter your life if you let it lol  !!! 

BW,

DL   

Hi, just had another thought. The reality is that you can't just eradicate the desire for porn and masturbation etc overnight. The easiest way is to replace acting out with another enjoyable activity that will benefit you. Go for a walk to clear your head, go to the gym, listen to music, call a friend. Anything is better than wasting seed. There will be a phase where you won't get any kicks (or even just pain) out of fighting the addiction, but it's only temporary and you should know that you're getting there. No pain no gain. 

Also, don't get hung up over how hard it is or that you're still struggling. Adversity breeds greatness and nothing is hard when we want to do it enough.

BW,

DL 

Hello Neshamatehora,

Welcome to the forum.

Try out this link, it's full of recovery tools you might not have tried yet:

www.guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here

Let us know how it goes.

Hatzlacha,

Elyah

DesertLion wrote on 29 Jan 2012 23:28:



Sounds good, eh? I do see things getting better and easier. I hope I stay sober and they continue to improve.

It is good and more importantly it's the truth. Things will continue to improve as long you want to stay sober. Also, it's chizuk to know that God helps those who sincerely want to be helped.

BW and KUTGW,

DL

Thank you all so much for your advice...I am going to keep fighting!

neshamatehora wrote on 02 Feb 2012 06:04:


How?  What's your plan?

--Elyah