Hi All

First I would like to Thank Hashem and GYE for the strength I have gained since coming to know GYE

I have been struggling with this addiction for YEARS trying to get sober but couldn't, till I found GYE and with the help of the daily emails and listing in to some of Dovid Chaim's phone calls I was able to have longer streaks of sobriety with my longest streak of 98 days but then I fell back to 55 days and then even shorter:(

I feel the reason of my falling is
1)After a while being sober I feel that I need to test myself to see if I would be able to withstand anything that might come my way

2)After a while of being sober even dough it gives me abundance peace of mind  I feel something is missing an emptiness (after all I enjoyed looking on the not appropriate pictures\videos) and after a while of being clean I have this false feeling that its ok to enjoy something you liked so much and then comes the fall:(

Thank you all for listening
Any and All help would be appreciated

Thank You Hasham

It sounds like you need to remind yourself of your POWERLESSNESS.  Also the concept that acting out is not the problem, sobriety is.  When we are sober, but don't act out, we feel an emptiness.  If we don't fill it with something good... well you know the rest .

I wish you much hatzlacha!  It sounds like you are making tremendous progress!

All testing myself ever got me was a fall and all the negative that comes along for the ride.  Finally after years of testing myself, now i test Hashem.  i am posting here, going to meetings and focusing on others' pain and struggles, not mine.  The emptiness i once had is full of the successes and struggles of others.  We are all in this together.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

I agree with Gibbor. The root of this problem is that we feel empty without lust. Letting go of lust for a while makes you realize that it's really not that good for you, but if you don't find something else that is fulfilling and enjoyable, you will want to go back to lust to fill you up.
The more you find fulfillment in areas of holiness, the clearer it will become to you that lust is bad and the more you will distance yourself from it. A little bit of light gets rid of lots of darkness. Do some chesed that you enjoy. Learn a piece of Torah you can connect to.

Love,
KH