hi guys i have laid low lately bec i was having a clean streak. i didn't look at porn since the summer, i am under a strict shvuah and that held be back many times, that is till yesterday..... My prob is not so much the M* but its the P* , but i did M* a while back so i'm prone to it. Yesterday i just fell in, watched P* for a while not the really bad but bad enough. I also caught myself M* but stopped in time so there was no M"zl . I need to regroup, after a long clean streak its hard to fall, but the real prob i think is that recently i felt suppressed, which means i had lust in me and it just built up. How do i get it to be that i don't feel that tension? i am in middle of working the steps and i did surrender to god etc... but i need more, to avoid a fall again i need to not have that build up. Btw bec of my shvuah i have to fast a day till 3pm  :-[  that kept me clean, but the build up was so much that when i had the chance i couldn't control it i knew i would have to fast but i didnt care.

Btw i fell bec a friend sent me a video to watch on metacafe, its usually blocked on my filter but he got me curious that i asked my wife to open it for me and she didn't realize that i had her put in the password that i can watch any videos for a hr..... so be careful who you send videos to!!

please be mechazik me, the purpose of this thread is to come forward and say to everyone I FELL!

thanks,
helpfyi

last think you need to do is get discouraged,block the passwords and get back up on your feet!!

Im not sure if fasting is the way to go if it will weaken you physically,perhaps better to give extra tzadakah and daven to Hashem about your fall,doing teshuvah that way.

In any case,its the bouncing back that really counts!!!

There was once a guy around here, he used to say something like "Fell Shmell......"

Sometimes we also open the filter to see something (we each have half the password), but we make sure to re-lock it immediately afterwards.

And maybe when you start feeling the tension and stress building up, that's the time to share with friends, either real or virtual, and not wait until it gets too much....

That was a nice long cruise you had, it's not over, now continue!

Keep On Monstuh Truckin'!!!!!!

Gevura!

Sounds like the long streak was really good - perhaps right until the end
I think the key is to look at each day from scratch - i.e. fresh -
even if yesterday was a fall then today can be a good day
If you let yourself get down about the new streak being only 1 day - the depression itself is more likely to cause another fall
every minute and every day hashem is waiting for good behavoir  even if the minute or hour before was worth forgetting

Helpfyi wrote on 09 Jan 2012 14:10:


I'm an all or none kind of guy.
What works for me is zero gazing and zero fantasizing.
No looking at women, not their faces, not their clothes, not live, not in pictures and certainly not in movies.  Not even my own wife unless she specifically wants to be checked out. (Her face and non-provocative parts are OK).

No fantasizing means not thinking sexual thoughts outside the bedroom; not reviewing pictures in my mind.  When lustful thoughts come, I start davening right away.

This is what it means to be powerless over lust.  My only hope is to avoid it.

You're doing fine and are making huge progress.  Keep at it.

THANKS ALL OF YOU!! i'm slowly getting myself back together, the chuzzuck really helps, i will hopefully get even higher in my next streak, in the past one i got to heights that i have never reached ever in connection with hashem, i hope now it will be even more.

Now you're talkin

alexeliezer wrote on 10 Jan 2012 20:10:


now i got to act not just talk!

yechida wrote on 09 Jan 2012 14:16:


the shevah to fast has held me back many times, today is the first time i actually am fasting for it, its only till 3pm for porn for M* it would be till 7pm.

now that i am fasting today i look back at my fall, it was stupid, just a build up, i reached high hights before that in avodas hashem i feel the YH just had to bring me down. Fasting works for me bec i love food, to give tezdakah wont help bec i'll just do it and pay. and i dont think its fair to take the $ we need for the basics for this.

"i dont think its fair to take the $ we need for the basics for this."
so true.  so wouldn't that make it a stronger neder than fasting.
fasting only hurts you, taking $ from the family hurts them.
ultimately aren't you/we hurting our families as well as ourselves?
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

chaimyakov wrote on 11 Jan 2012 14:38:


i dont think $ would stop me, i would pay to do it, fasting is  very hard, i did it today till 3 and i will think twice before i slip again.

"Yesh Lach Adam Shegufo Chaviv Alav Yoser Mimemono......"