I'm on my 3rd day of being clean and I feeling dp its getting real tough I feel its not fare in a way married men have an extra fringe benefit if they don't act out they have what to look forward to bec they have a wife while me boucher for my battle there is no lite at the end of my tunnel anyone  have an aytzah for its getting real hard

A married person, just like a bachur, has to give up lust - which can be harder when there is a muttar outlet for lusting.  Lusting after ones wife can lead to acting out.  If you act out before you are married, chances are that you will do the same after you are married.

See this FAQ www.guardureyes.com/GUE/RTwerski/Can'tStop.asp .  Rabbi Twerski addresses this issue.

Hatzlacha!

Dear Rebyid
What Gibbor said to you allthough very brief is very very true
no matter what your martial status is - if you are a slave to your desires and lust no wife no matter how willing will help you 
First step is to realize that lust is not productive and perhaps the most destructive force in your life
its like dieting - if you are always looking for the day when you can pig out - you'll never succeed in loosing weight
you need to change your eating habits completely and be in control of your desires
so to with lust but its much much harder -
take a look at some of the material on the site to get started
also you are so lucky you have begun solving this problem before getting married !!!
kol hakavod !!
if you are successful now you will be zoceh to a much much more elevated and enjoyable married life !!!!
search deeply into yourself and find the ture you who wants to break free of lusts and its shackles

go back to yeshiva and totally immerse yourself in your learning it is the best way to deal with your desires (barasi y"h barsi torah tavlin)
as was mentioned already we have it easier as bochurim b/c we can go to the complete and extreme end until we heal enough to try to be like healthy people and deal with women
we have to continue on even though its hard "adam lumul yulad" komt!
we have just as much to look forward too as a married person does. the reason we are here is not for/because our wives we are here for ourselves to fix ourselves so we will have our portion in olam haba and the fact that you have no permissible outlet is an advantage

gottagetout wrote on 25 Dec 2011 15:03:

I will just issue a warning.  I have nothing against learning torah, but if you are an addict, it is not the answer to your problem.  It may help a bit, but it's not the answer.

Many, if not most, people here are bnei torah.  They will attest to the fact that they were in yeshiva, kollel, kli kodesh.... and were acting out at the same time.  Follow the footsteps of the people who have sobriety.  Do what works.

gibbor120 wrote on 27 Dec 2011 16:19:

if ur an addict NOTHING is the answer 2 ur problem
torah definitely helps
but it's the hardest thing in the world [at times]

I'm now on my 9th day of not acting out no matter how much learning I try to do (I'm not such a masmid)during my free time and during learning lust just takes over I feel like I'm going to fail by the end of today I can't function everything I see points to lust my addiction needs its food I feel like I'm going die if not HELP!!!!

I'm now on my 9th day of not acting out no matter how much learning I try to do (I'm not such a masmid)during my free time and during learning lust just takes over I feel like I'm going to fail by the end of today I can't function everything I see points to lust my addiction needs its food I feel like I'm going die if not HELP!!!

first of all - www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4915.msg129339#msg129339

Second of all, you may need to take a walk/jog/run,  clean your room/house/apartment - whatever.  Listen to music, call a friend.  Do something for someone else.

Get out of your own head.  Sometimes learning is the worst thing (no tomatoes please).  Are you learning alone or with a chavrusa?  I would recommend that you learn with a chavrusa.  When I learn alone, all sorts of bad thoughts creep into my head.

totally second Gibbor advice

be around other people - do some chesed - focus on someone else and your problems will melt away
find someone on a "lower level" than you in learning and offer to teach them something.
collect zedakah for someone

Rav Nachman teaches that the biggest danger in the world is the world of fantasies and the inner world we create for ourselves.
You feel right now that the only thing calling to you is the shmutz and all it contains - nothing else seems to get through - this is your imagination/ YH playing tricks on you. Trying to get you down - telling you you'll never succeed for 90 days you cant even get through 9
again just a mirage-
if you take things one day - one hour at a time  - and go do something else - especialy for someone else you'll see how fast the time passes
remember you dont need to be good today for a whole month - just be good for today
tell the YH you'll discuss things tomorrow again but today your busy
hang in there = ot will get easier