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TOPIC: Confused 207 Views

Confused 08 Dec 2011 23:17 #128179

  • ANewStart
B"H

Hi guys-- I posted here a while back, and told in general my story. I'm 18 years old and have been keeping Torah and Mitzvot since 15. I grew up in a divorced home and I was always a social person, always had a girlfriend to fool around and I used to be a frequent MZ"L and modest things. Then i found Judaism and connected to my roots and now I'm already midway into my third year in a normal Israeli yeshiva. For so long Judaism and Chassidus have been a safe haven for me to kind of forget about my past and any family issues (my father lives in Thailand with a non-Jew)-----but I've seen so many frum people act wrongly to me, and i realize that in some ways I am alone (of course Hashem is with me)---so I have been having a bit of  yerida and confusion. I reactivated my Facebook and got in touch slightly with old friends that are girls, and just do to my feelings of loneliness and being disappointed at my stance at life i have all types of desires that are arising. Desires for immodest things mostly. I believe in Torah with all of my essence, and I am very knowledgeable in Torah and really try to work on myself, but im just confused......maybe someone a bit older or with life experience could give me some words of advice? 
Thanks
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Re: Confused 09 Dec 2011 01:10 #128185

  • strugglingandstrivngBT
I would heavily advise to not start something that you wont be able to stop.  the fac that you are posting here shows that you are on the right track with that. 
I would also recomend seeing a therapist about your family problems.  The Torah is many things, and in some ways it can serve to be theraputic but it shouldnt be the only means of therapy you use.  that is very dangerous spiritualy and it could result in hiding from problems, and not dealing with themm which if you ask me is what the Torah asks of us to do. 
I too feel loneliness in yeshiva sometimes, and also want to go back to my old ways when it happens but you have toremember that they didnt solve the lonliness, they only made it feel like it wasnt there.  shallow relationships are on par with no relationships, and the solution is to get out and try to make new deeper relationships.  I am speaking to myself right now when I say you gotta try to work on the good relationships you have, and that with Hashem, not go back to old ones.
thats my brief novice advice.  bhatzlacha! 
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Re: Confused 09 Dec 2011 14:11 #128222

  • gibbor120
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Hi ANS!  Your confusion is understandable.  I agree with SSBT though, you will only create more problems by rekindling those old relationships.  Are there new healthy relationships you can focus on building?  You are understandably feeling a void.  Fill it with positive things.  Hatzlacha!  Let us know how it's going.
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