Far more effective than distributing fliers, is your own quiet sobriety/cleanness/recovery/freedom from lust/whatever you want to call it.

Far, far more effective, in the long run. Let go of your bleeding heart and let Hashem run the world, while you get fixed up a bit, yourself. Are you clean today, chaver?

Another thing i am putting into practice...i know that if i look at something im not supposed to on the street death awaits me. Not to surrender to that taiva is a lot better than what comes next. and im praying to hashem to help me along the way.

On Shabbos, being a chabad'nik i learnt chasidus and davened at length. This is my usual seder on shabbos. This shabbos, however, my mind was clearer and I had a lot more hislahavus. I must admit that my avodas hatefillah has been pretty down lately. I dont think ive had such a davening since my yeshiva days, when i was clean for a couple of months

It's a slow process, chaver. You may get much better and continue to make progress for the next two years, but your davening and hislahavus may wane. This is not anything to be afraid of, but is normal for some people.

The shayloh boils down to why we are serving him: to have a geshmak and be cool tzaddikim...who when the going gets really tough just get down on our knees in the bathroom and masturbate after following women in the street and undressing our neighbors with our eyes? Or is avodas Hashem doing His Will and letting go of the goofy image of what a true eved Hashem looks like?

As kosher and kadosh as we may think it to be, the image we have been chasing has been one of the main factors driving our sick behavior like an engine.

Make sure you are putting gas into the right tank. 

helpme! wrote on 07 Feb 2012 17:12:

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 23 Aug 2011 16:21:

hmmm....and if i get arrested because police think im a terrorist...? ;D

You really think the police are going to figure out who's under the paper bag!?
The Israelis would never take a paper bag off someone's head.

helpme! wrote on 09 Feb 2012 21:44:
Chaver, are you putting your gas into the right tank?

hi all
just wanted to post what i sent to my sponsor via PM

Im still going strong it is really mechazek me having you as someone i can speak to. Sending a PM to you is completely different than posting on the forum. its more direct. i know who im typing to. its not just an electric world. I must say, that this time feels completely different than all the other times i stopped. Other times, it was like an hisorerus milimila that pushed me to stop with ease. this time ever since i sat there, without surrendering and just doing 'nothing', not fighting etc i now see myself on the street when a bad image comes in front of me i remind myself 'i will die if a look' which is true spiritually...and something i truly feel. i know for certain that if i take one sip of lust by looking on the street it will lead to.... my 50, 60 day streaks feel like nothing to what i have accomplished in the last 12 days. 12 days of being fully clean - even shmiras haeynyim. the only nisayon was being together with my wife, but i tried to focus on being with her and making it nice for her, etc. also at the time of the mitzvo i just thought about my wife and, towards the end i thought mishnayos baalpeh.

And...everything is different. Lately, I have been having trouble getting up in the morning. All of a sudden im getting up on time, davening like a mench (instead of in a hurry to give a gemorrah shiur), finding time to learn more, etc. not just that but im beginning to experience the joy of being a father. i bathed my 1 year old daughter last Thursday night and i spent time with her, giving her my full attention. its something i dont think ive really done properly before. im finding time for everything. even though usually i wouldnt visit porn sites and masturbate every day but the etzem taking a second look a hin and a her messed up my mind for that day. it stops me from being a father, husband, etc and turns me into a self-centred monster. literally. One of my tafkidim in the yeshiva i teach at is to assist troubled bochurim. For the first time, just this week, i am making contact with them in a way ive never done before!

Just one thing i would like to ask you about: Sudenly, me and my wife are discovering deep-seeded problems in our relationship that need attention payed to. What before our conversation was small arguments is being revealed to be a connected chain of events due to specific problems in our relationship that require resolving. BH that my wife is special and we have a very good Rov we speak our problems to and work together to solve them. The problems we are discovering now are etzem problems with the mahus of our relationship. imyh we will go to that Rov, but it looks like it will take some time to resolve these issues. Did you ever have anything like this when you made your road to discovery? I thought everything was OK and my shalom bayis was amazing but all of a sudden we are finding out that there are serious issues that need immediate attention. Perhaps it is because all this time I have been an animal and Hashem in His kindness has blocked my wife's eyes. Now, i am becoming a man (just for today, of course) and I am discovering what is wrong and Hashem has removed the vail off my wife so we can finally start a true, loving relationship. I can tell you that despite the recent problems, I do feel closer to my wife this week than last. Im feeling like a human. There are tears in my eyes. I cant describe it. Im alive.

I did miss the call last time due to reasons beyond my control. It would be easier to have a sponsor in Israel, who i can call directly from my cellphone any time i want (american numbers i can only call from home) without having to worry about the time difference etc. anyone from israel who wants to be my sponsor can PM me.

13 days and going strong...but w-w-w-w-w-w-where did everybody go...? :'(

helpme! wrote on 14 Feb 2012 16:29:


dov wrote on 10 Feb 2012 15:36:


We didn't go anywhere, we're just so confident that you're putting the gas in the right tank...

Stay sober, friend, one day at a time!
Mottel

Just to be polite to my sweet friends here, this is to report that all is well but I am taking a break from the forum for a while to focus on my own recovery. I will be checking email for PMs, though. The forum is just too much time for me to handle. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months...no way to know, cuz it really is one day at a time. Love you!

Till then,

Dov

19 days and going strong

!