Hatzlocha.
I'm a bit concerned about the long bus ride. It will be difficult to commit to attending a meeting so far away on a regular basis. No Def Leppard meetings closer to home?

How much worse could she treat you, anyhow?

Is the baby safe when you go to shul, the supermarket, and other places?

Chazak ve-ematz, you are not alone.

Have a really nice time at the meetings. If it is a healthy meeting, then within two or three of them you should be laughing your head off there. That's the way it should be. Recovery always leads to us dropping our heaviness and self-preocccupation that this placve (and every place addicts are) is ugezaft with.

And you will bring home the peace (and maybe a little giggle) to your confused and not-well wife, be"H. You will see proof of your own recovery in a few weeks or months, when the two of you giggle together more, and cry together less.

Amein!!

How's it going, Helpme?

--Elyah

Thanks for all the replies...unfortunately i am yet to attend an SA meeting...The guy in charge of the meeting 2 and a half hours away is trying to start up a new SA meeting here where i live with me and another person. It was suposed to be Tuesday night, but something came up and he couldn't make it. He told me he will be in touch with me over the next few days about making a time and place for the first meeting.

If there isnt a meeting within the next week or so, i think that for now at least until something gets started over here, i might go for that meeting 2 and a half hours away.

As for what i tell my wife...there is such a thing as Food Addiction Annonymous, FAA but they don't have one in my area. I am seeing that my addiction to lust and my...well its a lot harder to say and i still havent really gotten to terms with it but....'addiction' to eating unhealthily are crossing paths with each other. If there is a lot of stress, depression, etc, i just jump on the ride as it were and munch food, look at p*** and just cant seem to stop myself. So with the food, i dont really try and stop anymore, i use the aitzos of the Tanya if someone has a serious craving for food that he cant stop to have in mind that it is for coach to serve H, until it becomes regulation and the person will stop eating unhealthily because it is disturbing him from serving H(Although many years of doing this may prove that i am indeed an addict...). But with the p*** when little i try and stop, i feel like a captive tied up, unable to freely move, forced into doing these things. Like something just 'takes over' and controls me without my will. Thats when i realised that i have a serious problem and need serious help.

As for your concerns about my wife and my 1 and a half year old daughter...her depression is pretty up and down. She has told me that she hasnt been feeding our daughter when im not at home so i can trust her to be honest with me, at least at those times when she is acting more herself. During the week, our daughtrer goes to a 'metapelet' (?carer? in english???) and my wife stil makes sure that there is dinner despite her depression...i have to admit that she is pretty amazing. All i have to worry about is fridays and shabbos, and try and have everything figured out..

Well, then please make sure to let her know how much you admire her dinner-making, and how much you love her and are dedicated to her no matter what happens, and that you think she is an amazing person. Then leave her alone for a while and expect nothing in return, at all.

Continued hatzlocha!!

BS"D
Hi all. 48 hours clean. 5 SA face-to-face meetings over the past 3 weeks. And doing a lot of soul searching. Once in SA, my entire recovery has changed. Slowly by slowly I am seeing more and more problems inside of mysef. So much so that I see that lust is really just an external problem. I harbour a lot of hatred, resentment, hurtfulness especially towards my parents. Its really suprising for me that i have so many other issues, being revealed to me one by one by the grace of G-d, apart from my lust. I havent been on GYE because in doing so i feel that I am also feeding my general internet addiction and can get caught reading posts for a long amount of time. I have heard that finding a temporary replacement for the lust addiction is OK at first like lust, etc, but i find that feeding other addictions just leads me to my lust. In SA, I feel the reality of my problem, while in GYE I feel that my problem is just p*****, m*****, just on the computer, etc, can be solved by a quick 'taphsic method, etc. It could be that for many of the GYE members this is the truth and it works for them. For me, though, it just doesn't ork. I need SA. I am really sick. I am a baal teshuva that reached a point of no return, admitted powerlessness, turned to G-d for help, wrote my whole life story down, contemplated on my wrongs, apologised to G-d for it and asked G-d to show me His will. He did, 6 years ago, by taking me to yeshiva. I succeeded, BH, but unfortunately shut the door on G-d unknowingly and started 'drinking' gaiva, honour, etc. Not suprisingly, lust, which had accompanied me all my life, was soon to follow. Here is an important excerpt from my new diary i am writing that I wanted to share with you:

"It is surely interesting that lust is just a side effect of a deep inner problem. To some degree, it is even comforting to know that my problem is not that I like to be 'bad' and can't stop it. My problem is much deeper. As a matter of fact, I don't have a problem. Rather, I myself am the problem. I always blamed it on something else: lust, hatred, not enough learning, davening, etc. However I was the problem all along. However, when I let go and let G-d, well, life seems to start happening from there. Just today, G-d, give me life"

Thankyou, GYE, for getting me to where I am.

Amazing work. Thank you for sharing that.
I tend to agree. GYE is more about P&M.
For everything else, there's [s]VISA[/s] Dov ;D

100 hours clean...i dont know, it feels better to me counting the hours, as every hour I am giving over my life and will to G-d (step 3)....well, trying to at least...

Wow that's amazing. I never thought of it in terms of hours, but it sounds awesome.
Hatzlacha rabba, I keep u in my prayers, and the whole GYE community. Hashem should give you continued koach to succeed in all the challenges he presents to u.

There were/are/will be times for me that all i can hope for is to remain sober this minute. Keep at it and remember the only thing that matters is right now.

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov