I introduced myself about a week ago on the forum. I am committed to being clean for all of Kislev. I am working day by day, but I am now beginning to feel the struggle again. Hashem has really given me a lot of strength as lately I have not been having to much temptation. However, today it has started to return. I began to look at some very mild material online (compared to fully innapropriate sites). I stopped before it got too far, so I do not feel as though I have fallen, but I immediately came here. GYE feels like a safe haven on the Internet. being here brings me back to my senses and what I really want as opposed to what the yetzer hara is telling me to want. Good for now, and moving forward.

Tonight I started to look at some improper images and only briefly on a website. I stopped within a couple minutes. Should I consider this a fall. For me it feels like only a slip, not a fall, because it is so mild compared to the temptations that I am battling. I hate registering falls and I feel really good about my progress right now. Could I get some advice?

Shimon - do you have a sponsor? that is usually who I'd suggest talking to about such a decision.



Shimon713 wrote on 07 Dec 2011 07:25:

Hey shimon it is great that you are worried about "registering" a fall that means that you really care about being clean
BUT- the most important issue is emes - the moment you start rationalizing what you were looking at (its not really a fall... its only for a minute or two - and anyway its not truly shmutz images only suggestive pictures you need to sense warning sirens going off- this is the YH talking - believe me I've been there many times
so much so that the next step is that you tell yourself its ok to look for a minute or two - almost becomes muttar
what you need to do is go back to the strength that got you to post and come clean.  If it was learning than go back to that
If it was talking to hashem or Kavvabnah in tefilah - put more effort into that
you need to always be moving forward or you automatically slip back
keep the faith - its a long road
but you will be amazed how quickly you can turn it around if you put in some good davening or learning

@aamallen: Thanks a lot. That is encouraging. I need to own up to the small stuff as well or I am not going to get out of this hole.

@Snow: I do not have a sponsor per se, but I do have a friend that I try to confide in about my struggle. I guess I should talk with him about this as well.

unfortunately I ended up falling tonight. I used to be able to go much longer on a clean streak, but lately it has been harder to go even a couple weeks. I am working and going forward. Thanks for the continued encouragement. I think that I really need to get a filter, because I work on computers for school and professional work all the time. What filters work best for you both?

i find that if i cave to the "mild stuff" one of two things happens: 1. I fall because so much temptation built up 2. I go to not mild stuff, and usually fall because the temptation built up.  My advice would be work on avoiding the mild stuff and it will lead to control in other areas.  I cant remember the last time I fell without scanning the interent for something that would slip through my filters first.

Yasher Koach on all the days you were clean.  "Ba Bayamim" one pshat is that each day properly lived is going to accompany you to Gan Eden.  You have 10 days clean so far this month and minutes, at most, not clean.  Focus on the GOOD and your great achievement!  Pick yourself up and start over. 
This time, if i may suggest, just stay clean for today.  Let tomorrow worry about itself.  Focus only on today and take it one day at a time.  Until i did just that i couldn't go a month clean or even a week.  Each fall was catastrophic because the yh would tell me "Well it is the 3rd of the month and you have fallen again." "This month is ruined and there is no way you can fix it."  "You are a miserable failure again."  Well the yh is a liar and not even a very good liar at that.  28/29 29/30 30/31 are phenomenal achievements that are not reduced in any way by what day of the month the fall happens.  Remember, just stay clean today.  Tomorrow you can commit to stay clean today only and so on.  Before you know it after 120 you will be "Ba Bayamim"
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

I have finally resolved to install webchaver. As far as filtering, I have had bad experience with it before because I use a computer for a living, and some site gets blocked unnecessarily. However, I am admitting that at this point I have not shown the ability to control myself and I need my internet activity to be accountable to someone. I hope this helps.

21 days clean tonight.  ;D

I looked at some bad sites about a week ago, but it did not lead to falling any worse than that. I understand that looking is still a fall, but right now I am just soooo ecstatic that I have been shomer habrit for almost a month that I am beaming with joy. Focusing on today only though.

FANTASTIC!  KOT 1 day at a time!

Fantastic!  What an Awesome achievement! 
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

I know exactly what you are talking about. It starts with just plain not-bad pictures, but not good either, then it gets worse and worse. You need to take one hour at a time. I sometimes tell myself "I am not doing it for the rest of the hour for sure" most of the time i get busy with something else. It doesnt work for everyone to say NO to the rest of the week. We can all win the hour and daven that you complete the day.

Shimon713 wrote on 17 Jan 2012 19:46:


Keep it up! hashem loves you!!!