hey all.  haven't posted in a while.
i've got one week until i'm back in the usa. 
i've got one final left, but otherwise i'm officially finished with undergraduate university. 

i've been feeling fairly numb for about a week. not particularly happy about anything really, even the fact that i'll be home soon.
looking back on the past 3.5 yrs of college, i don't think i've accomplished a single personal goal i had going in, and while i have gotten very involved in judaism during my time in university, the honeymoon phase of that relationship wore off a long time ago. 

of course, none of this is helped by the fact that i've got a cold, which has killed any chance of enjoying my last days in china, nor the fact that, regarding my so called "addiction," i'm holding at around five days clean, which is usually when i start to have trouble sleeping.

so what now? it's pretty hard for me to look forward to much right now.  i've been trying to distract myself (somewhat successfully) with huge amounts of television, movies, and wikipedia, but things just seem so freaking dead-man-walking-pointless right now.
i'm just so tired of this. people keep telling me that things get better, but they don't…     

sorry, i feel like the only thing i ever do on this forum is just complain and whine, but i'm not exactly sure what else to use it for ><...

Hey Yoni,

Hang in there, in one week you'll be back in "civilization"!

Do you have people to get together with when you get back here? I'm sure that once you come back here and get more involved with other Yidden, you will feel yourself wake up and become more positive again.

Complaining and whining is exactly what this forum is for  :D . We are all here to listen to and support each other.

Refuah Sheleima on the cold. And we'll have a good ole' real American Monstuh' Truck waiting for you ;D .

Gevura!

the jewish community back home is about the same as here in beijing. 

yoni wrote on 05 Dec 2011 16:43:


Yoni, I love you dearly, but you can't say stuff like this and not get bopped on the head.

TV and movies are filled with various strength doses of the drug called Lust we so zealously avoid.  So it's no surprise you can't get more than a handful of days without a full blown fix.  The less sipping, the less slipping....

I know you're bored and need distractions or else.  I'm not judging your decision.  Just know that recovery will only start when there is at least a commitment to complete abstinence from all forms of the drug.

Still my friend?
Alex

Hey, buddy, good to hear from you. Hope your cold is over soon. Are chinese colds any different than American ones?
as to the issue at hand, I share the strong sentiment that allowing your eyes to wonder, whether on the street or on TV is a sure way to a mastrubation escapade, so as for me, movies etc are a big no-no. I have no idea what I'd do in your situation. I hear that even Chinese beer is awful, so I'd be lost and probably doing what you're doing...(this is neither a condemnation nor a condoning of mastrubation, just a fact).
Do your plans still include going to yeshiva when you reach the US?

unlike a lot of people on this forum, i guess i generally don't find movies triggering unless they're pretty blatantly sexually explicit.  in fact, they've been an excellent distraction thus far.   
i don't normally watch so much when i'm home.

re obormottel:
chinese colds are the same as US colds; they both suck.
actually, chinese beer isn't disgusting. the main brand is qingdao, which is decent.  it's also insanely cheap here, you could get pretty drunk for under $3 USD, and there's plenty of other imported beer to buy, but a) sick so no alcohol, b) i don't care for beer, no kosher wine, and whisky is expensive. 

plans do include yeshiva, around the 30th of january, and i'll be away for at least a year.  honestly, right now i'm not particularly excited about going though. 

i hear.
In keeping with the "one day at a time" mantra, I would definitely go to yeshiva and take it one day at a time. Yeshiva is an opportunity to experience Jewish living to its fullest. Life's not always exciting (as you know) but if it's meaningful it's bearable.
Good luck whatever you do.

leaving for the airport in about 2 hours, flight leaves at 7:00 AM, Beijing time.  holding at 14 days clean (at least in the loosest possible definition) which for me is a lifetime record.  praying for a quick and safe trip home!

Have a great trip, we are looking forward to welcoming you back. And Keep on Trucking!!!

Gevura!

Welcome to United States, amigo!
How do you say amigo in Chinese?
Happy Chanuka!