I was checking facebook and I saw a really triggering photo.  Like, really bad. and as I was going to block it I quickly clicked it instead to look better.  i quickly got away but I clicked it none the less. as I was waiting for davening to start no less. ugh.  Why would that test be put there for me? I'm so upset I did that, but I'm controlling myself otherwise.  Im not going to let this bring me down.  not no way, not no how.  I just wanted to vent.  feeling like I'm alone in my struggle. trying to define what my struggle is.  thanks.

maybe delet your facebook account

hey you might think

what is one billion minus one

i say its HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!

not ready to delete facebook. i keep in touch with too many friends via it. 

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 03 Nov 2011 20:21:


strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 03 Nov 2011 21:08:


You may not be ready to delete it completely but maybe you can set certain parameters such as no checking your phone within 100 feet of shul (and certainly not in shul).  Limit you time on facebook to certain periods of the day.  Have a machsom l'eynaim.  Certain times during the day I will not check my facebook account at all.  Finally, accountability software.  Sounds like you have a smartphone.  You can get accountability software for your phone as well.  Hatzlacha

I've often found that, at least for me, I have the urge to fall or indeed I do fall at the absolute worst times. Whenever I'm about to be  doing  something fun, or ive just finished something fun or I want to be clean  for a certain occasion, that's  when the  hardest moments are. I'm not sure why its like that, but even today I someone showed me a funny, clean, video clip and we both had a  good laugh. As soon as I was alone again I had  an  incredible urge  to fall. I think  there is even a biological reasson- when you fall, your body releases a tidal wave of chemicals that make you feel great very briefly ( the guilt crash comes after these chemicals are depleted)  so when your brain releases only a little bit, your body  which wants the tidal wave that its used to, acts up. Anyway what I did when I  was about totally was I told myself ' just be happy  with this good time you had, you don't need  anything more' I think its important to recognize the times when the  desire to fall comes, which are often when you absolutely least want it to ( like in shul waiting to  daven). Those are the times  you  need to be especially vigilant. You CAN do it!!!! Good luck!!!

so far so good.  not even thinking about it most of the day.  I do have a strong urge right now but things are so good that I cant blow it.  I'm about to have a shabbos to shabbos clean which I havent done in a while.  im excited!
I do have accountabilty software, and I was actually on a laptop.  My shul is my school so theres wifi.  its a good idea though about not checking at certain times.  I'll keep that in mind.

A week!  With the urges big like you're having?  What a beautiful thing to bring into Shabbos.  How much you must love your God.  KOT

Did you congratulate yourself for not looking further? Concentrate on the good things you accomplish and compliment yourself for them often. Of course, put all kinds of places in place, like not bringing your phone or computer into the bedroom or bathroom with you, only chek your email and facebook when there are other people around. You know what you need better than i!
But way to go, brother

with the help of Hashem I am still going.  It's hard though.  went to a coed shabbaton (didnt realize the ratio would be how it was) with a lot of kol isha and not totally tznius girls and made it out alive.  BH.  Didnt mean to but it became cavod habrios if i were to walk out.  Caused me to have a baal kri and now im super tempted because of it but BH I',m still clean,  11 days!  thanks for the support.  i needed it, as I totally forgot about the phone meeting (its a disease of forgetting after all) and needed something to give me a boast earlier.
hope all is well with all!

WAY TO GO! ATTA BOY!
Really awesome work, SSBT, KOT!

after a stupid fall last night leading to an urgent call to a Rabbi (how embarassing) and a fast day coming up tomorow, I was so done with this crap.  I wanted to be clean and was committed.  now I feel just like I did before I fell.  I still want it.  im craving hard right now.  im not caving, but I'm not feeling nearly as motivated as I was.  I really dont like this.  ugh.  just a vent.  keep on fighting all!  we can do this.

[pretending to be Bards]

KEEEEEP ONNNN TTTRRUUUUUUCCCKKKKIIINNGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

Go for a jog. Change your routine. Read something on the GYE
website, like the archives or something. You're right, we can do it. G-d and us, that's it.

When you get on facebook, tape a piece of paper to the right-hand side of your monitor so you don't see the ads.