I can't believe i'm out!
Boruch Hashem, I'm still in the middle of my longest period ever without MZ''L (48 days. The most i managed in the last ten years was a month some two years ago), but i did mast**** (without MZ''L) yesterday. I think according to the rules that means I've got to start again.
I am crushed! I thought that this time it would last, once and for all. I thought, I will be on GYE giving everybody chizuk based on my success story (really I can still do that with, after all I'm still clean with regard to MZ''L), but now I'm feeling that it's just hitting me back in the face. I'm afraid it's the beginning of the end of my 'chizuk time'.
you'll say that I shouldn't think that way, but the whole reason that I mast**** was because, I'm finding the struggle harder every day. I'm hoping that once I get back into routine now after yom tov, things will get better.
I feel like a ticking time bomb, and don't know what to do
