I chatted with 360GYE till it was too late and had to go home.
I hope this gets easier with time

B"H

Oy vay.  Mine's not a porn thing.  Rather, product of fantasies, sometimes going back many decades.  SSA and otherwise.  Unhealthy situations at work because the halacha is not 100% followed - even 95% could result in disaster, l"r.  Even seemingly innocuous comments from a co-worker, joking of course, set me off.  I try to work these things out myself.  Even in the neighborhood - a very, very frum place, has now been invaded by shiksas whose dress is more revealing and alluring than street level prostitutes' "uniforms" of 40 years ago.  Rav Chatzkel Levenstein, ztl. asked 70 years ago from the Mir in Brooklyn "how can anyone look out of the windows?"  Maybe I need to leave my job and try to start anew?  I know I'm blaming external causes and not myself.  But if my mindset is to be trusted, I've been innocent in a lot of this and blackened as a result of others' indiscretions - albeit subtle and not necessarily with intent to lead another to sin.  I guess the only thing I can do is to try to redouble my efforts in limud Torah.  End of post.

And how has limud hatorah worked so far? 

For me, i tried that and didnt work. For me, its not how i recovered. I needed more. I needed recovery. Meetings, the steps, actions, helping others. 

Now, i want to point my sponsor, a religious christian, told me that part of my program is to learn to be a good jew. To learn, daven, and act like a mench. Thats true. But its not how i stop masturbating. Not at all. 

I just had a fall 2 days ago .  Had a full body massage [with a male, but I have SSA issues] which besides feeling good became stimulating for me.  I figured OK, so it feels good, but I won't let it get out of control.  Besides letting the masseuse get too close to sensitive areas I made a bad choice (not by touching myself) and before I could blink, it spilled.

This was at a zimmer in Israel that my wife and I go to from time to time.  A boutique hotel.

I want to make fences but I don't know how drastic they must be.  Never to get a massage there again?  Never to use that masseuse?  Or just let him know 'No Sensitive Areas'?

Hi WTI, sorry to hear about your fall, but it’s good that you’re being honest about it and looking for ways to learn from it and make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

For regular (“straight”) issues we have Halachos and gedarim spelled out for us, and a whole social structure set up to minimize contact between the genders. For SSA there really are very few guidelines in Halacha, and we need to figure out our boundaries on our own. Do you have a Rov or someone who know this about you, and can help you come up with a set of rules to keep you out of trouble?

I think you know the answer to the question better than any of us readers. Choose wisely, and better to be a little more on the safe side........

Before sobriety I would regularly get legitimate massages. Once I made the decision to pursue sobriety and recovery I knew I could no longer get massages and haven't gotten one since. My sobriety is too important to me.

Thanks Gevura, HHM and serenity.  I needed a slap in the face from reality.  The thing is I fantasize and think I can have my lust and still have my sobriety too.  Crazy, huh? 
How do I get that massage out of my head?!

by getting the hell out of your head

Right, Tzomah.  That’s the big question: how do I get out of my head?!  I’ve had some sleepless nights over this, too stimulated to sleep. I know in theory I must fill my head with alternative pure thoughts but somehow they allude me in the heat of the night.

How about leave that message in your head & just don't follow it? Do what you know is right (from other people & from messages in your head that are not so crazy). Why should you care about these messages? You'll see these messages will disappear by itself.
Don't make a pressure of "filling your head" with other stuff either, you can't fill your head like you fill the gas tank of your car.. You should definitely get your head busy with more meaningful things, but when you have these types of thoughts rather read/listen to something interesting that will distract your brain. (My unprofessional opinion)

B"H

I'm starting to find a connection between having sexual fantasies, l"r, and - please be moichel me for saying it - needing to use the bais hakeesay.  Even if I don't really need to use it, but the fantasies start to take their toll, if I can force myself to get up and go to the bais hakeesay, as soon as I've washed my hands afterwards and said asher yatzar, I usually don't have fantasies anymore at that point.  Sometimes its not enough, but sometimes this has made the difference for sure.  Clicking on "Emergency Turn Off" and "Help Me Now" has also helped save the day.  Hatzlocha!

wantoimprove wrote on 31 Dec 2017 16:25:

not with alternative thoughts rather with action call some one exercise write a letter can even be imaginary 
just do something

I have found the same thing to be true. 

Also what's seemed to have helped are:

Avoiding hot beverages, not being too bundled up when sleeping, and not having a full bladder.