Welcome! everyone here knows exactly what you're going through, with varying degrees. I too, at times feel a total sense of despair and hopelessness. But like they say, don't focus on the long journey, but rather on the day to day. This too may seem a lot, as each time the yetzer hara hits us, it can feel like a mountain. But with time, we find ways to overcome these obstacles and move on and grow. Even when we fall, we need to focus not on the fall and be depressed, rather, we need to focus on why we fell, and focus on moving forward. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will this. You can do it, we're rooting for you!

I can't do 5 years either.

One way I used to rationalize acting out was "how long can I keep it up? I'm going to fall at some point, the only question is when. I might as well give in rather than putting up this exhausting fight."

Sound familiar? Getting ahead of myself is suicide.

If you've been to AA, you know it's about learning to live right so you don't have the urges as much. I'm not sure what to tell you on a practical level, but if AA worked for you, there's no reason to think SA won't help.

As far as dealing with your wife, maybe speak to your Rav/Rebbi about it.

You say you weren't frum for a few years and went to AA, does your wife know about that? If she accepts you despite your troubled background, maybe she will be supportive.

You say you are willing to do anything with one little caveat - as long as you don't have to tell anyone, and can do it on your terms.

If you stay on the path you are on, she will find out anyway, and not the way you want.

I got caught, and it wasn't pretty.

I hope I did not sound harsh. I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way.

I wish you hatzlacha. keep us posted.

to Gibbor. she definitely knows about that takufa. it wasn't like 2-3 years and a little trouble. it was more years and a lot of partying. i have been completely honest with her from the beginning with that since it was a large part of my past, i only omitted this topic.. she knows i did this amongst many other things in that time period. but she thinks i stopped this when i came frum,, especially since i have been learning stark and been working on myself a ton over the past few years... i was going to bring up this topic and she once told me .. somehow this topic came up during a date and she said that its is the same thing as cheating if someone watches porn.. i was like ohh vey what do i do know. so that was the end of that thought of telling her.. i will start a thread in introduce myself since it cant hurt to be more involved on GYE. ALSO i am felling an urge tonight. i haven't for a few days since i posted cuz i learned real well each day since and had very geshmak davenings. but on shabbos i ate a lot of food so that makes me thing about urges.. but i already feel while typing this that its making it much easier.. its like im reaching out.



gibbor120 wrote:

I also get like that on shabbos afternoon when I want to take a nap after the meal. For me, this can be a very difficult time. The trick is to try to fill up the afternoon with productive things, and only nap if 100% necessary. I've seen that it's not always needed, and it's just a way to relax. Hatzlacha raba!

shomer bro wrote:


What works for me: I get up very early Shabbos morning to learn. It is a very geshmak experience. So by the time the meal is over I'm ready for a good nap and I sleep like a baby (babies don't act out). Try it - it's as they say - me'ein olam haba.

Hatzlacha

MT

Guys i need help. I am very anxious and have absolutely nothing to do. I just want to buy a gift card and call a phone sex agency. Please help me i dont want to do that. or i can just go outside and see everything that the summer has to offer . please help me

Abie, Hang in there bro!
You seem to be feeling really stifled.
I'd be happy to just chat, if you would find that helpful- ineedchizuk@gmail.com

HEY!

Try to relax! Take a deep breathe. Calm down! Everything is going to be alright! Can you go for a walk or a run? Take a hike! See Hashem's beautiful world!

Hi I'm holding after 8 clean days but I'm about to fall please help!!

Remember to try and do something-- anything---for at least 15 mins before you fall! Take a walk and remember do not fear it, and do not get stressed! You CAN be in control!

the suggestions are good
it is best to try to avoid the confrontation and become preoccupied.

However, some of us (myself included) cannot be in control and are not in control (especially in those times).
There are times that we can be, but there are times (sadly) that control has been taken away from us.
We might have done it to ourselves; perhaps there were other causes, but .....

It is our responsibility to make sure that we do not reach those times.
that is why filters, monitors and general avoidin' of triggers are so crucial to us.

Yes, it is a fantasy of mine to be able to live free of lust, but like so many of my other fantasies (like the one with ......), that is simply what it will remain....a fantasy.

May God bless....b'hatzlachah

I agree with cordnoy. I don't think we can be in control. That doesnt mean we let the lust control us. I think this is a pillar of recovery. WE CAN'T CONTROL! Yes, there are things we can do but ultimately we aren't in control.

But what is the purpose of this thread but to cause people to regain control, even for a little bit, in order to turn away from the screen and do something else? If it is not possible to regain control when you're 'about to fall' then what is the purpose of this thread? By control, i mean being in control of your actions, not your urges.

I don't think we should get into a philosophical debate but yes there are things we can do, actions we can take. And we just do these actions but the results are up to Hashem. We must do our hishtadlus and do whatever we can do to not only prevent us from falling but to help us live

of course it is possible!
Free will was never removed from us.
But when a person is in the throes of a fall, it is difficult.
If at that time, he manages to find this thread, kal hakavod!
continue readin' and postin'.

All of us, however, know that there are times when we reach out and then...there is the moment of truth...we might shut the ringer off; we might put the phone in the other room; we all have our ways. This thread, like many of the others, are here to assist us when we are capable of bein' assisted.

b'hatzlachah