Dov wrote:


My father thinks that if I am not a PhD level mathematician, I will not find any job. Is there a way to find a reasonable disability -- based job?

The people to ask these questions to exist. They are called guidance counselors, employment counselors, etc. GYE is not the place for that help. Tzei ul'mad - go out and learn from the people made for that, chaver.

"...I hope I can at least stay off the worst sin." - Gevalt. Get some reliable, sane Orthodox rabbi ti open up and talk with about this. There is a reason that masturbation is only an inference on the Torah, and not mentioned explicitly anywhere in the 613 mitzvos. It is not supposed to be focused on!

Real life is not, 'not masturbating'. In fact, it is not even 'not sinning'. Real life is about what you do. Get to work living, and quit pouring your energies into the epic battles of saving your soul. You have bigger fish to fry, man.

Are you setting your sights on Mathematics and a PhD in it? That's great! But you write about it like you may not be. Are you stalling, or are you working on something?

Are you too young to be worrying about all this stuff anyway and just worrying yourself into a tizzy over all this PhD stuff and your father? If so, that will certainly fuel your porn and masturbation more than 'The Yetzer Hora' will!

I bet if you found a good guidance and employment counselor to help you out, and got on the way you need to go, you'd have far fewer struggles with your sex desires than if you keep wrestling with your 'Yetzer Hora'.

Hatzlocha!!

I am 37, have a PhD in Mathematics, unemployed.

Oh, right...you wrote that a while back, sorry i forgot.

OK, so then you have satisfied your father's 'requirements' for success - and it obviously is not working...cuz behold, you are still not employed. What more will you do in order to satisfy the requirements of others in defining your success?

But did you hear what I wrote?



If you fix up some of the dysfunctional ways you are living in Olam hazeh, you will have far less problems regarding your Olam haboh. By all means, be a good Jew - but less focus on 'the epic spiritual struggle' is probably a lot better for you.

That is not always the rule, but in your case right now, my heart suggests this for you to consider.

Dov wrote:


Unfortunately I focus on spiritual issues very little. Most of the times I am reading political arguments online.

Given that I have family problems plus depression plus Asperger's syndrome I do not think I have any chances in this life.

Dov wrote:


Thank you very much for understanding me. In many families there is a huge problem between Orthodox Jewish parents and a non -- observant "adult child". At least observance is crucial for serving G-d and eternal life. Mathematics is useless.

R76 wrote:


Dear R76,

Sorry to read about your many problems. But why give up and make life even more miserable? Why not make the best of it? I know (and perhaps you do too) many people who are in worse situations than you, and yet they manage to pull themselves together and celebrate life as best as possible. If you can't do it on your own, there are many professionals out there that can help with exactly such issues.


Hatzlacha

MT

Machshovo Tova wrote:


Thank you. I will pray to G-d for help.

Maybe G-d has already helped me by not giving me resources to enjoy sinful life too much.

I have only seen alittle of this conversation and i have to say that its great that you have a phd in math ....but success in learning is not the equal of success in work in the secular world ...its the results that count ...

In mitzvot the learning in and of itself is rewarded...according to the effort not necessarily the outcome

Back to secular work.....i have seen newly minted lawyers scrambling to pay off their often huge debts and i have seen high school dropout millionares ....the lesson.....it doesnt really matter ......what matters is for a person to look inside and find a job that is easy enough for HIM and makes HIM enough that he can live honestly ...in fact there is a gemara in berachot that says this (cant remember precise location) i would hope your parents want your overall happiness to be more important than simply your apparent successful entrance into their dream for you....think about what you actually like to do that is useful and use the net to find what that translates into jobwise...the. see if its realistic...

Anr of course pray to Hashem because he controls exactly who and how a person gets money or support or anything ....and He is unlimited
He can change your situation in a heartbeat....even faster

I used to be in finance ...then do to ...a.long story i now fix computers for a living....

R76 wrote:


And you write:


But you do focus on making a big spiritual deal of your 'struggle', as you wrote:


"Worst sin?" How convenient. You have done the worst, so no wonder life and eternity are all but lost, huh?

To be frank, it sounds to me that you are copping-out rather than accepting real life, so you are using religion as an excuse to focus all your energies and all your blame.

Sperm is not your main issue, and 'eternal life' doesn't really matter to you nearly as much as you are making it out to. You are not a failure at life and all is not lost. Moaning about how your 'eternity is lost' due to 'sins', and about your parents and the orthodox conflict is just enjoying the luxury of a victim-hood that you do not deserve. On AA they say "Poor me, poor, me, pour me a drink!" (it kind of rhymes...).

MT suggested focusing on making the best with all you have. He is of course 100% right! And that will take patience, prayer and work. Laughingman suggested learning to trust G-d a little more . That will take some practice, prayer, and work, too.

Whatever you do, speak to your therapist or other adviser (if you have one) about alternatives to victim-hood or religious blaming of yourself, G-d, and others.

Getting your life stable will need to come first, whether you are still sinning or not.

Thank you. On many forums I talk about the ways different people and society have been unfair to me. Talking about my sins against G-d is not easy.

In this life I do not see any chance of success -- I wasted so many years on mathematics and I have no life skills.

Dov wrote:


On many forums and places I talk about my failure in this life. But on Jewish sites I talk about the other life.

In reality, serving G-d and eternal life should matter much more to me. But I am caught up in the worldly addictions.

Can you answer these questions:
Why do you think you are still in this world? What use could Hashem have for you? Do you know why you were put here in this world?

Welcome BFH!!!

It's great to see you here!! what's your story? Don't be a stranger, maybe start a new thread in the "introduce Yourself" section.

www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/224616-bordom-problem-help%21
help!