ShemiratEinayim an Old friend wrote on 16 Nov 2011 16:01:


What helps me in these situations is to remember one sip will lead me to the worst of places that i have visited in the past and was miserable while I there. I never want to return to that dark low bottom. And one sip will definitely lead me there and I will have no way to turn back unless i stop looking now!!

I hope this thought can help you.

I'm going to quote myself.  I think it's some sort of GYE minhag .

gibbor120 wrote on 16 Nov 2011 14:31:

hey man lets be real if you have only been ok bec your wife was mutter, then you never really took care of your problem. you just fed your lust. i think its time you TAKE CARE OF IT! read the 12 steps get sober get help don't just put a band aid on and say i'm ok ! you have a Boo Boo ! you got to do stitches!!!!

thnks

Deepfry:  i know, i actualy was in ssa meetings, but not seriosly, and not enough.      My problem only relapsed after marriage, and because of it too.  IT's a long story, but bekitzur,  it's easy to be a bachur, everything is assur and you don't need to mediate between using lust and controlling it.   

So what do you want? I hear some 'giving up on yourself' in your posts. If you need to deal with your issues, then deal with them. You are not alone. Please hear me out to the end, here.

I have to deal with my issues, too. So? Sometimes I cry, sometimes I mope, and sometimes I try to run away. But eventually the issues that I truly have, make real life miserable enough that I just have to believe there's gotta be a better way - and those sweet old orgasms and fantasies just don't cut it any more.

So I do something about it by getting the help that I need. This is a journey that never ends. We are always gonna be baderech. But being sober one day at a time is the only way to stay in the real game, for me.



When you use the work "issurim" it makes me think that you really consider your problem to be a religious one. I do not doubt that your habit has religious meaning and consequences - but I doubt that it is truly a religious struggle. It is convenient, being a frum yid, to frame it that way, sure. But that doesn't make it so. And to me that is very important - not just semantics.

You are a good man, truly. If you are here, struggling with this problem, and wishing you'd get better - then you are surely a very good man.

But:

You may categorically disagree, but I suggest to you that if you are married, with a child, and still need to habitually look at porn and have sex with yourself (or whatever you do when you act out your lust), then something is wrong with you in the head.

The secrets, the tolerance of issurei koreis or misa bidei Shomayim...huh? What? Tolerate it? yeah, considering it a 'religious matter' is a nice way of never really getting the help we need, cuz we wait for our bechirah to finally kick in....

That's nuts. Something is seriously wrong here.

Maybe, just maybe, you have an addiction. If that is what you have, then you are not bad, but nuts. The steps are all about sanity - as it clearly stated in #2. They are not about overcoming alcohol, lust, sex, or whatever self-defeating behavior. No.

They are about retrieving the sanity you probably had when you were about 3.

Hashem does it for me and for hundreds I know, one day at a time. He can do it for you. You are no worse than any of the prusteh farm boys I know, who are living sober.

Give up on doing it by your own power - but do not give up on yourself!

With lots of respect for you and love,

Dov

ShemiratEinayim an Old friend wrote on 16 Nov 2011 16:01:

ShemiratEinayim an Old friend wrote on 16 Nov 2011 16:01:

Hi, read this DQ (Dov Quote) from today's daily dose.

SLIP = Sobriety Loses It's Priority

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4695.msg125944#msg125944

i feel like its too easy to use the computer now, even with a filter... [sigh]

I would recommend listening to music for a while and singing along that really helps. and call a friend and chat. U can email me if you want we have not spoken for months!

I was going through kosher and non-kosher animals with my kids.  Dolphins, crabs, alligators, whale... all NOT KOSHEr.  Then they asked me if I was kosher.  And I said of course.  Then they asked "Are daddy's eyes kosher?"  RIBBONOY SHEL OLAM!!! WHAT CAN I TELL THEM?? I CAN'T LIE, my eyes are not kosher, they regularly partake of traiffe!!  If for no other reason, avoid the sips, so that you can tell the innocent that you are kosher, to the best of your ability...

wow, from the mouth of children.

ontheedgeman wrote on 21 Nov 2011 03:22:


Then stop.

Minus the quote, this might be the shorttest dov post ever.  Maybe "good shabbos" is shorter?  Nope, more letters, and syllables .

lol Dov.  Okay, I'll stop. Bli neder. 

gibbor120 wrote on 21 Nov 2011 18:36:

You're right...I hope Dov's Ok...Just send him over to my kitchen, I'll have chicken soup and cholent stuffed cabbage ready in no time...

gibbor120 wrote on 21 Nov 2011 18:36:


Did he ever post a "hi" in Shteeble's thread?