Hi to all .I am 30 years old married with a few kids and a classic yeshivah guy on the outside, people think I am the most awesome guy such a wonderful husband loving father,great in learning,so impactful with bochurim.Most people want what I have,beautiful wife and kids,great shteller,really nice apartment.Meanwhile I am a sex addict.From the age of 11 when I  read my first porno and probably before then I was hooked.My addiction got progressively worse over the years through yeshivah I was sexualizing everything and everybody that I could.I went to therapy and dealt with all my issues except my sex addiction,while all this was going on I was considered the top guy in the begining of every zman I got the best chavrusos and then 2 weeks in I would dissappear for a few days just acting out like crazy,I had a pile of porn magazines in my dorm closet.I went to top yeshivah in eretz yisrael got married continued downward in my addiction would spend days in intenet cafes untill it lead to live stuff.Finally one time went to a therapist and said that every time I am miserable I am allso involved with sex stuff and then he said the words that just made sense to me you are a sex addict this is your nisayon and you have to focus on this mainly.That was about 5 years ago, six months after that my wife found out and have been progressively getting better.

wow, thanks for sharing. You've got a classic story. You've come to the right place!
Explore the website, find what you connect to and plow ahead!
What's your longest clean streak?

my longest is going on right now a year.

Kol HaKavod for coming out and posting! There are alot of people just like yourself here. We're in this together! Im amazed that you are clean for a year and you are just starting your involvement on the forum. How did you succeed?

I am not sure how.I wish I can wax poetic about every stage of change but hashem sort of forced  my hand to progressively change.
One very powerful experience was getting open with my wife, telling her when I slipped and acted out.Seeing her pain was a real reality check it forced my insides to face the results of watching porn,of looking at other woman.There is nowhere to hide when you are upfront like that.Trust me I was petrified every bone in my body said do not tell her,every brain cell said another reason why not to tell her,but the truth was that was a huge part of recovery.

these last few weeks I have not been watching my eyes and on shabbos I saw a particular woman that got in my head and I had sexual fantasys about her,she is a neighbor of mine.Monday night I took my wife out and told her about it,she told me she felt it in her bones that I was lusting.It has been a very difficult week since then but this is what has worked for me in the past and I believe our relationship will only grow from this.
I am not suggesting anyone to go and do this,I am seeing a great therapist.

wow, showoff, that's quite some courage you have, kol hakavod!

stick around here. lots of guys struggling together. we can all help each other. seems like you have a lot to offer.

here is the official welcome package with some important things to read.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Welcome Showoff!
Sounds like you've found a good path.  You're fortunate to have such a supportive wife.  Sounds like you had a pretty severe addiction.  We can certainly use your experience here, so I hope you'll stick around and help.  And let us know if there's anything we can do for you.
Alex

Welcome aboard!  I also found my wife to be very helpful in my recovery.  I have found that often it's better not to share all the details.  Each person is different.  We are all learning from one another.  Thanks for sharing!

I love all you guys, but you're nuts.  How could a person tell his wife these things?  How does she not kick the husband out of the house?  Maybe it's just me-  i'm for sure nuts- and as I've said, it would be the end for me to say anything.

different wife different life

I thought she would kick me out if she ever found out my addiction and I was dead wrong.You will surprised what wives could handle as long as it is the truth and it is coming in the spirit of closenes and not a place to dump your guilt.

kol hakavod! I cant bring myself to tell my wife. I came close a couple of times, but I chickened out. You deserve alot of credit!

the most important thing is your recovery,Hatzlochah

ohhh! I know about that.There was alot of times I would spend the day acting out and just decide to tell my wife and that is that.Wait,there was a period of 5 months that I knew subconciously that she knew but did not bring it up to her at all,I am the biggest chicken.Then she let  me know that I was safe with her so with the encouragement and guidance of my rebbi and therapist I was able to face up in certain cicumstances and see her as my wife whom I commited to provide for her emotional needs and something is really wrong with me.